Welcome to my f**ked up life..

2011-11-08T17:26:00.003+08:00

how do we know if we're putting too much faith in people? just because we treat them a certain away doesnt mean they'll treat us the same.

the more faith you put into people, the more it hurts when they let you down.

they say that friends come and go, but its the good ones that stay. but a good friend left. so if good ones can go, who actually stays?

2010-10-03T19:20:00.002+08:00

my conflicted heart. sigh
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the past week has certainly been a weird one to say the least. lots of unusual things happening. confrontations which im not sure if they were necessary or not but happened anyway. a lot of things are now just in this humongous mess and im not sure how to untangle everything and im not sure if i should untangle everything. sigh. i need some clarity

2010-09-29T18:16:00.002+08:00

4 months to ord. then you add 3 more weeks, and i'm off to start a brand new chapter of my life. and hopefully its gonna be a good chapter because i realised that ive wasted the past 20 years of my life achieving absolutely nothing and its high time that i take control of my life and start doing sth meaningful or my life will just slowly rot away into nothingness. that cannot happen. so yes, 2011 marks a brand new era, brand new opportunities which i am ready to grab by the horns. in "miracle", herb brooks said "great moments are born from great opportunities" and here is my great opportunity, so im all pumped and ready to make it a great moment
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"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending" i wanna get that tattooed on my arm.

2010-09-18T05:08:00.002+08:00

its finally over. 17 months later, YOG has come and gone and i am honesty finally breathing a huge sigh of relief. the huge monkey finally off my back. its been over for about 17 days now and those last 17 days have been great. freedom is the key word here. i had a more or less pretty awesome trip to phuket. spent about 3 days there and i honestly wanna go back there soon. december hopefully. with my bros.
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i just came home from about 8 hours at coffebean at holland v. the 8 hours were pretty much necessary for me. needed to hear things i suppose. not gonna say why although honestly no one reads this anymore but just in case. if i do look back on this post a few months or years down the road and struggle to remember why these 8 hours at coffeebean were so important, ITS OK cause honestly the memories were not really all that great. i had an important and remarkable night. but important and remarkable memories do not mean they are good or nice memories. so if future marcus, youre reading this, just know remember that sometimes in life we make hasty decisions without thinking, and after that, all we can is just sit, wait and live with the decisions we have hastily made whether we like them or not. and let me tell you now, the night was quite painful, more or less excruciating, and definitely depressing. so if youre reading this months or years after september 17 2010, i really hope you never made the same mistake again or you really are a fucking idiot.
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sometimes we're driven by small glimmers of hope. driven and inspired to do brave but foolish things where we these small glimmers of hope make us think, make us believe that we can succeed when honestly the chances of success are minuscule. yet we get wayward things that tell us to just try hard anyway cause we're so disillusioned with everything around us and we believe in far fetched things that we want to believe in. honestly in times like these, we just need to wake the fuck up cause that small glimmer of belief we think is there, is just false hope
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shallow

2010-08-27T19:09:00.002+08:00

i am slowly but surely losing it. i am gonna go crazy soon if this goes on. i was on the brink of exhaustion after doing my graveyard shift and i gotta do another graveyard shift in 2 hours time. i think by 9am tomorrow, i will go nuts. but come on, 2-3 more days! i can do it! i can last without collapsing!
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i honestly find no pride and joy in helping out with this YOG. i guess its cause im one of those volunteered people. yes volunteered with the "ed". i dont have the pride and sense of accomplishement. maybe cuase ive been doing this for the past 17 months and im so sick and tired of it. i really dont get anything out of doing all this. a medal? nope. a prize? nope. a thank you? nope. no sense of gratitude at all. no one really appreciates the work ive done for the past 17 months. i earn about a $1.60 an hour. wow great pay huh. no overtime pay. no bonus. i havent had a free day in over a month. im losing track of the days cause honestly all the days feel like the same. saturdays sundays dont really matter if im stuck on shift. oh wells. at least its finally finally ending

2010-08-10T03:10:00.002+08:00

technically its not even day 1 of YOG and it feels like im schooling at ntu because im there every single damn day for frikking long hours and im getting so damn sick of ntu and because of this event, there are so many rules and regulations that it is causing me to just simply go crazy. come on come on, august 28 please come faster! and then after that its off to phuket. seriously cant wait to go to phuket. not just cause of the opportunity to get away from everything but also because its been a real long time since i spent time with some of my friends. speaking of friends, its been exactly a month since my best friend went over to sydney and i must say i miss her quite terribly.
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is it better to just give up or try and then fail and get hurt all over again

2010-08-03T11:38:00.002+08:00

its already august. YOG is about to start and i cant fucking wait. i cant wait for it to end. 25 more days and its all over. so now im just enduring and slwoly wiating.
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the past few weeks have been a blur and i must say that they have passed by quickly and they have offered me a lot of insight into different things. you cannot possibly begin to fathom how excited i am to go over to australia in feb. im all ready to start afresh, gain new experiences, meet new friends, and start a second lease of life. forget the past and embrace the new. damn i cant wait. i realised there's nth left in singapore for me anymore. i wanna leave this place fast and not look back. i used to really wish that i could somehow stay in spore to study in NUS or SMU and now im glad that i made the decision to go overseas. Australia aint that far overseas but its far enough. February seems a long way away but im just hoping the 6 motnhs just rush past and i'll be standing in sydney before i know it.
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a certain event made me realise that sometimes our friends are really friends at all but merely acquaintances who we think too highly of and think that theyre our friends. and we only find out theyre not truly our friends through certain events or things they do or say. same could be said abt people who we think are good close friends who turn out to be merely friends and good close friends seem too strong a description to use on people who are never there for us when we need them.
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i blame YOG for making me so depressed and bitter about things that even the smallest of probably nonsensical things can make you excited and happy. and thus im left disapointed and sad and i probably looked like a fool in the process

2010-07-18T22:44:00.001+08:00

its 18 days past july. which means that more than half of 2010 has passed. and i can say that im happy that 2010 is passing by faster than i thought it would. on a sad note, my best friend has left for australia and i really do miss her a lot. the past 2 weeks have been bad. i dont know how to describe it but it has left me feeling pissed, sad, disappointed, angry and frustrated. i want july and august to hurry up past because i can see that septembers gonna bring better days.
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my mom said today how you shouldnt have too much faith in your friends. cause just because you treat them in a certain way, it doesnt mean theyre gonna treat you the same way. the more faith you put in your friends, the more it hurts when they let you down

2010-07-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

the last 2 days have been really depressing.
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i am gonna miss you quite terribly

2010-06-29T01:45:00.002+08:00

a tornado swept through, destroying and changing everything in its wake. a wasteland of devastation lays behind in its path. nothing is spared. how am i supposed to pick up the pieces of everything scattered around in the rubble and slowly piece everything back together by myself?
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am i heartless because i dont feel anything? am i inhumane or am i just immune and numb to the pain?

2010-06-06T20:07:00.005+08:00

I <3 SNSD! seriously love them!

especially tiffany!
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today has made me realise that im really quite excited for uni and i really really cant wait to just pack up and leave this place. time to start afresh and move on with life. and the best part is that my best friend is gonna be there with me!

2010-05-30T18:07:00.002+08:00

its that time of the week again. sunday evening where im just sitting in front of my computer and i havent really accomplished anything the whole day. and the sad reality that i have slowly make my way back to camp is beginning to set in. oh wells. its gonna be june in 2 months time. which means in about 32 days time, half of 2010 would've passed and i gotta admit, the past 5 months have passed by really quickly. and its a good thing. i really cant wait for 2010 to pass. cant wait for 2011. 2011 promises greener pastures even though those pastures might have to be found in aussieland.
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i know every year i used to say "next year is gonna be a better year" and i just find it quite funny how now i almost reached the middle of a truly crappy year and i just wanna turn back the clock and go back to the years that have passed. the days of school where the only thing that worried me was whens the next deadline for EE and TOK and not whens the next deadline for YOG. theres a huge difference between dreading triple periods of math and dreading your next duty. theres a huge difference between lunch break in school and lunch break in camp. theres a huge difference between PE and life run.im so sick of this. i cant wait for those magical 3 letters. O, R, D

2010-05-25T01:59:00.002+08:00

its been a really long time since ive written anything here and i guess since i havent been writing anything, ive lost the very few readers i have. oh wells. like i said, this blog is for memories sake. so i guess the past month plus has passed by without anything significant happening and i guess thats one of the reasons why i haven't been writing. its gonna be june really soon and which is good. cant wait for september. actually i cant wait for feb because then i get to go to school. i guess its official, its off to the university of sydney. really need to get out of here and start the next chapter in my life. hopefully it all goes well.
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they say friends come and go, but its the good ones that stay. but if those that you deemed your good friends go, then what?
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again we've become strangers

2010-04-05T18:16:00.002+08:00

i've just come back from a 8 day hockey trip to taiwan. there were a bunch of ups and downs and i honestly dont wanna talk to much about it. i guess there isnt really that much to say? although i really wish i could've stayed longer. taiwan is honestly quite a nice place. the weather was nice. the food was nice. really wish i didnt have to come back so fast but i guess tahts life? we never get an extension on our good times. sighh. it was a good escape from anything but now im back in reality.
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i miss you

2010-03-16T00:01:00.004+08:00

its been about a month since i last wrote something here but it doesnt really matter cause no one reads this anyways. but im still gonna write cause i wanna be able to look back on any given month on any given year and see how i'm feeling or what i was doing. so i guess this blog is more for keepsake and memories then anything.
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so anyhow, dont really remember every single thing that has happened over the past month but i dont think there was anything of huge importance or i wouldve remembered it. oh my birthday last week. alright i suppose. but gotta thank all my friends from spending time with me those days after my birthday. so the one thing that im really really looking forward to and the one thing thats keeping me going these days is the taiwan tournament in 12 days time! i really really cannot wait to go, get on the ice, score some goals and really just have fun and get away from it all. 12 more days! seriously cnat wait.

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one day you're gonna come back to us when things dont work out for you. but let me tell you this, i'm not sure im gonna be there for you anymore

2010-02-16T01:23:00.003+08:00

my new obsession!!!!! OMG! im so in love with them!

so chinese new year has come and gone. and honestly, i wasnt in much of a chinese new year mood this year so honestly didnt really enjoy myself much this year. i mean i guess its good to spend time with family and see relatives that you hardly see but still. oh wellsssss.

i'll be ok when things are back to normal

2010-02-01T22:53:00.002+08:00

speech was slurred. footsteps heavy, clumsy and dreary. eyesight was blurry. mind was spinning. thoughts were incoherent. words rambling randomly out of mouth. no inhibitions. no thinking about problems. no wondering whats gonna happen. no worrying about crap. i found my temporary great escape.

lost and speechless, the boy wondered what else could he do cause he's tried everything. someone once told him that if you tried your best and nothing comes out of it, then there's nothing left to do but give up. is that true?

to be continued

2010-01-31T20:03:00.000+08:00

You say we stick it out through the thick and thin

When the walls came down, you wouldn't let me in

We've been through it all

My backs against the wall

It's crashin down on me tonight

2010-01-31T18:52:00.002+08:00

its been a pretty whirlwind eventful past 4 days. i dont really wanna go into detail but it has involved BOYS LIKE GIRLS, macdonalds, seoul garden, jim bean, butter factory,butter ice tea, lamb burger and things that i have very vague memory of. had my virgin clubbing experience. and i went to the best concert ever. so i guess all in all, a pretty good long weekend which couldve been better except for unforseen circumstances but i shall try not to dwell into the negative and focus on the positive which was a memorable few days. now its back to crap, work and shit for the next few days.

i know im a disappointment to you. i know you think im good for nothing. but one day i wish you'd be able to see the good things i accomplish and not just the bad things when i screw up

hellooo where are you? i miss you

2010-01-29T19:29:00.001+08:00

BOYS LIKE GIRLS.

LIVE.

IN SINGAPORE.

RESORT WORLD SENTOSA.

THURSDAY JANUARY 28, 2010.

WAS.

INSANELY.

ABOSLUTELY.

DEFINATELY.

EFFING.

AWESOME

2010-01-28T16:15:00.003+08:00

jana kramer is soooo hot! she takes over from sophia bush the mantle of hottest girl on one tree hill! super hot!

so its been a pretty crappy and busy and shitty past 2 weeks. too much things to do, too little time. but oh wells. ONE MORE YEAR TO GO! but at least i have a 2 days break today and tomorrow, well deserved break! anddd, BOYS LIKE GIRLS LATER TONIGHT! I REALLY CANT WAIT

2010-01-24T19:58:00.002+08:00

why do we never know what we've got till it's gone?

so another week of crap begins. buttt, its a short week of crap because thursday is BOYS LIKE GIRLS! CANT WAIT! so yesterday was not a bad day. went for lan and then dinner with a group of great friends. then went to red dot where we just chilled through the night. the ambience food and drinks was nice. and i think just chilling with your closest friends can be a perfect night. need more nights like those! but till those nights come, BOYS LIKE GIRLS!

miserable at best

2010-01-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

the world is full of fakeness and ridiculous things.

another week of nothing begins

2010-01-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wish i could turn back the clock. turn back the clock to the time when we were still friends.

sometimes i wish i could just tell you everything i feel without fearing any backlash from you

sometimes i wish i knew what you were thinking so i didnt always have to keep wondering like some fool

sometimes i wish i could tell you the truth about how i feel about you

sometimes i wish you could just take a good hard look in the mirror and realise everything

sometimes i wish things were still great and it didnt feel like i lost you

sometimes i wish you'd treat and treasure me the way i treat and treasure you

2010-01-16T16:02:00.002+08:00

January 16th. 376 more days and its finally over. but till then, its a long uphill struggle to get through each day without anything going wrong. it seems that time has passed by way too slowly for the last 2 weeks and if thats gonna last for the next year or so, i have no idea how im gonna survive. 2010 has started off with not much of a whimper and its been quite the dull year so far. of course we're not even a month into the new year so we cant judge it just yet. but its been quite the shitty past 16 days and i just hope for brighter sunnier days

have you ever looked at someone you know and not seem to be able to recognize them?

getting really annoyed by you

2010-01-06T18:50:00.002+08:00

on the 13th day of christmas, my true love gave to me, sadness, anger and bitter disappointment

people say that good thigns will happen when you try your utmost best and all that. but i dont believe that anymore. i realised today that sometimes effort doesnt translate into results. and its when you really tried hard, maybe you cant say your hardest, but youve tried really really hard and the results still dont show, then all it leaves you with is a feeling of anger and sadness and this huge ass feeling of disappointment mixed in with this bitter taste of defeat and hopelessness mixed in. its like "why the heck did i even try?" cause everything just went to waste.

2010-01-03T19:30:00.002+08:00

its now 2010. YESSS!! i'm not really excited about 2010 and what 2010 brings. im just happycause it means a year on and its gonna be 2011! now im damn excited about what 2011 brings. 2010 is gonna be the only year in my whole life where the 365 days arent mine. freedom aint mine if you know what i mean. so honestly not expecting anything from 2010. i doubt it'll bring that many happy and numerous occasions and instances. i doubt i'll spend the majority of it jumping for joy. oh wells. just gotta spend it like last year. day by day week by week. everyday a boring mundane meaningless routine.

Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones

Turn into something beautiful

I swam across

I jumped across for you

Oh what a thing to do

'Cause you were all yellow

a 3 and a half day weekend has passed by quickly. it was alright. dinner then L4D2 then poker with the fellas on friday. and then i met my BB on sat morning! finally! ive missed her like crazy! i hope you learnt the moral of the story! :D :D then i met my bestfriend and johan for late lunch. exchaged christmas presents and we had to walk ALL OVER TOWN for johan and her stupid sim card! and for the first tiem in a long time, i witnessed my bestfriend eating more thanwhat she usualy eats!

so back to camp soon. *__* urgh. and its 3 days till doomsday!

2009-12-30T03:31:00.001+08:00

really bad bout of insomnia. i think my body clock is really messed up.

i dont know why i feel this way. i dont want to but sometimes we cant control how we feel. i just dont like whats happening. and im at a lost cause i dont know what to do. i feel like everythings changing too fast. and honestly, sometimes i feel like i dont even know you. its like you're a whole different person and i dont know how to handle it. and i know im in no position to do or even say anything but im scared. and i wished i didnt care but how can i not? it just affects me and i hate this. fuck i really cannot stand this

2009-12-29T20:22:00.003+08:00

on the 5th day of christmas,

my true love gave to me,

5 golden rings.

a relatively good day today after a string of boring useless somewhat depressing days. went out with my favourite eng cousin and my brother today. ate at ion and walked all around town and cause we couldnt decide on a movie, we decided to go to tampines. a seemingly useless day but i managed to get presents for my MIA bestfriend and some stupid gift exchange shit in camp. still have some christmas shopping to do. hmmm. anyone free this new years?!? but good day la. MY FAMILY MY LIFE NAT!! :D

so im a happy boy now. and i dont know why that shouldve made me happy but it did. damn it. sighh

like a lost sheep now.

so its so much easier to be negative than positive. but doesnt mean we let negativity win

2009-12-26T04:11:00.001+08:00

so a merry christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.

you dont know how happy that made me

and i waited. like a fool on christmas

2009-12-25T05:14:00.002+08:00

christmas 2009. woah. just came back from andrews house and woah. doesnt seem like a year has passed since we were last at andrws house playing poker and then having macs breakfast before reaching home at 7. reached home at 4 30 this year. cant beleive i still have the next christmas still serving ns. sigh. normal christmas day tmr with the usual christmas "party" but im gonna miss nat cause she wont be here this year. i want the year to pass by faster. cant wait for march. march seems like its gonna be a good month although i shouldnt get my hopes up. i still need someone to go christmas shopping with me on saturday or sunday!!

la tua cantante

2009-12-24T00:14:00.003+08:00

i love her redemption tattoo! im so obsessed with her! shit i want that tattoo!

they say tattoos are addictive

i just keep waiting and waiting. i feel like a retard. im just a fool

happy christmas eve

2009-12-22T01:06:00.002+08:00

i dont know why but i was in a really really bad mood just now. better now but im letting too many things irritate the living daylights out of me. sigh, my bestfriend is MIA at the moment. where;'re you bro?! anyhow. bad mood. things are really irritating me. things which i think should not be written here. aarghh. sigh. cant wait for thursday, half day christmas eve then christmas. not really the festive kind of guy but then i get to be home for the long long weekend which is infinite times better than being in the alternate place im usually at most of the time, some place i like to call hell. so yes. cant wait for christmas. although i do have to do some christmas shopping for presents for some people. no time! stuck in camp every day! i guess christmas eve. urgh i hate last minute shopping. cant wait for march!

i miss

i was reading through my msn history looking for something in particular and stumbled onto something. and then after reading that i realised how much i wished i could have a time machine. i wish i could go back in time and fix things. i dont know why but it suddenly dawned on me how badly things trned out and how i couldve so easily fixed them but i dont know why, but i didnt and things turned out like this. and i wish i could just apologise to you casue now i see why our friendship just sorta ended. and i realised it was my fault. ive been blaming you and other things, everything but myself for the longest time but now i finally get it. i was at fault too. i guess i was mostly at fault. and i dont know why, i was so damn blind. but now i see it. i see how i coudlve changfed things, made things worked. but its too late i guess. we're practically almost strangers. things happen for a reason. thats what they say. i dont really believe that but i guess now i finally realise it. i was wrong. id ask for your forgiveness but we don talk. but if you ever read this and if you ever figure out im refering to you, then yeah, im so sorry. i wish i could turn back time and worked things out. i wish we were still close the way we used to be. but you'll never realise this is for you. i wish.

sometimes we wished we could go back in time and change the things we did. we always say that we'd do things differently so things would change for the better. but how do we know that our different actions would cause a beter outcome? maybe we made things worse? how do even know we'd do things differently. i mena there must be a reason why we did something in a certain way, and im pretty sure the reason is still legit. would we change things if we could? would we go back in time to alter our lives?

2009-12-20T20:36:00.002+08:00

i dont know, but i actually kinda miss you. weird i know, but i miss the conversations we used to have. sigh. i wish you'd just say hi. that'd make my christmas

2009-12-20T18:21:00.002+08:00

so i was in malaysia for the past 2 weekends. and i must say that ive had a lot a lot of fun. its great being back on ice since june. its like being back in my comfort zone. and although it was damn tiring, i really appreciated the great workout. i cant wait for taiwan in march! shitt i think i strained my ligament last night. oh wells. worth it. it was a fun 2 trips. 2 short holidays. LOK LOK! best meal ive had in a damn long time. street steamboat/bbq. delicious. so its the 20th of december. christmas this friday which cant come soon enough. i dont know what im looking forward to more, the turkey or the day offs from camp. its a toss up. i miss my bestfriend althoguh i met her for dinner last thursday. meet up soon bro!

12 more days to 2010! YES FINALLY! CANT WAIT!

2009-12-06T17:58:00.014+08:00

so another weekend has passed. and today is December 6th. 25 more days till 2010! YESSS!! FINALLY DECEMBER! finally end of a long torturous year that anything but fun and easy. its probably the longest and most painful year ive had to endure all my life. sigh. sad sad. and looks like 2010 aint gonna be all that great. so anyhow, had the acs int alumni reunion cum dr barretts farewell dinner thingy on friday. it was really good cause i managed to see people i havent seen in such a long time, at least a year plus. people like daryl uwei and all. oh and i saw my BB and PAL! cant wait to properly meet them and catch up! so anyhow, friday was a good day i suppose. watched zombieland with army. and then met up with char-maine to hang out and walk around. i really wanna see this christmas tree of yours bro! then macdonalds and poker till late with the guys. i think i wanna play poker more often! then joshua woon and jonho came over last night to watch soccer and play ps3. it was a pretty good weekend i guess. but unfortunately, a lot of time wasted on afternoon naps! pfft.

so anyway, FREJA BEHA IS DAMN F**KING HOT! SHES GORGEOUS! AND WAHTS MORE, SHE HAS THE SEXIEST TATTOOS EVER! OMG! SHE'S MY TATTOO INSPIRATION! OMG SHES SOOOO HOT!

look how hot she is!

"float" quite cool but i dont think id wanna get one on my neck!

"serendipity is me" on the back of her arm. this one is really damn cool. and i think i wouldnt mind getting a phrase there

"this too shall pass" on her inner bicep. damn nice also!

"the world tonight is mine" wrapped around her wrist. this one is my second favourite but if i did get one on my wrist, id get a single word

and this is my all time favourite tattoo! "redemption" on her upper forearm. i really wanna get this. but maybe replace "redemption" with "faith". but yes. this ones damn nice. and i really am gonna get one at this location. hmmm next year i think? anyone willing to follow?

2009-11-29T18:57:00.002+08:00

so robertson quay for dinner and hanging out yesterday. robertson quay is starting to become my go to place. so i met sweta at raffles place mrt and we searched frantically for an ATM then rushed to robertson quay. oh wait, i mean robertson WALK cause we thought mich was there already but luckily we were earlier or she wouldve turned into a vampire and killed us all. and joshua was late so we all slowly started starving to death while waiting for him. so yes. it was a really good meal. i really like turkish food. but it was really expensive and im officially flat broke with no money in my account. PFFT. so then after that we had ice cream and johnny came and we were then stuck in some weird dilemma cause we didnt know whether to go play lan, watch paranormal activity, watch new moon or go to johnnys house. so we ended up watching new moon. best decision ever! i was kinda apprehensive at first about the movie cause the first one last year kinda sucked. but i was pleasantly surprised that new moon was awesome! and not to mention that kristen stewart and ashley greene were so frkking hot!!! and werewolves > vampires anyday! and poor jacob black. he really is like the court jester that i;ve described countless of times! bella was all emo and depressed when edward ditched her and she needed someone to fill the void. and so jacob was there to be her shoulder to lean on, build her bike and be her best friend. and shes so oblivious to how hes so in love with her and she jsut doesnt reciprocate the feelings. and she was such a bitch to him in the movie theatre. and even when he did everything for her, risked his life to protect her, she still flees to italy for edward. and when she comes back, she still can tell jacob "i love you jake. but dont make me choose. cause i'll choose him. its always been him" WTF RIGHT! poor jacob black. but awesome movie nonetheless.

Is it worth it can you even hear me

Standing with your spotlight on me

I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now

In this sea of lonely

The taste of ink is getting old

It's four o' clock in the fucking morning

Each day gets more and more like the last day

Still I can see it coming

While I'm standing in the river drowning

This could be my chance to break out

This could be my chance to say goodbye

At last it's finally over

Couldn't take this town much longer

Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be

Now I'm ready to be free

so at least 3 people have told me this. and this wonder just keeps filling my head. damn it

2009-11-28T17:42:00.002+08:00

i hate it when people say "oh you dont do anything in army" or "your army life is so slack!". i really cannot stand it when people say that to me. yeah im not in some hardcore infantry chong sua unit. but i definately dont "dont do anything in army". i really wish all those people who keep saying that could me could just switch places with me and endure 1 week of my army life and see if its really that slack.

anyhow. played soccer yesterday which got kinda awkward cause there was a quarrel and almsot a fight. then had dinner till quite late. but an otherwise boring day.

off to robertson quay to meet the gang soon. very slow uneventful weekend i suppose. i miss people

2009-11-20T23:43:00.003+08:00

its over. its all over. thank goodness. finally after dont know how many months. so yes im glad.

so anyhow, watched 2012 with charmaine yesterday. i msut say, what a dman intense movie. and like charmiane said, it was quite believable. makes you wonder really, is the world coming to and end in 2012? how much would you pay for a seat on the Arc? but really intense movie. i dont know why, i felt so "into" the movie. like feeling all sorts of emotions and all that . like an emotional rollercoaster. one min sad, the next happy, then the next sad again. weird i know. so then i followed charmaine around ion and wisma while she shopped and bought necessary things liek peici's bday present and really unncecessary things like face masks which i doubt she;ll use. and her excuse for buying, "the shop is so nice!" *__* HAHA! well ladies and gentleman, next time you open a shop, decorate it really nicely, and charmaine kwee will be there buying things from you! :D :D KIDDING BRO! actually not so much! i know what to get you for christmas. im gonna sign you up for those addiction workshops. like you know alcoholics anonymous. you can go for shopaholics anonymous. i can totally imagine you going, "hi, i am charmaine. and i have a problem. i am addicted to shopping. its like, shops just call out my name" HAHA

met natbatcat and my brother for lunch today. we walked around cold storage before having pizza hut for lunch which i really find too expensive. so yes, it was good to see nat again after an uber long time. went for dinner and a movie with amanda at night. christmas carol 3D. even though it was a cartoon, it was still kinda freaky! but the animations were really top notch. technology nowadays, astounding.

why do i even bother talking to you

2009-11-17T22:30:00.000+08:00

From the pain that you drive into the heart of me

Now I'll run from you

I've got to get away

I cannot stand the way you tease

2009-11-16T01:33:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHAR-MAINE!! YESSS! I WAS THE FIRST! wah really bestfriend man! :D :D but anyhow! i wanna wish you a happy birthday. and i hope you have a blessed and great year ahead plus all the good stuff that comes with it. i hope you have a great day today and im glad you had a fun time last night and im happy that you liked the present i got you AND next year 21st birthday, im DEFINATELY gonna smash cake into your face whether you like it or not! either that or throw you into a swimming pool. depends on where your party is! but yes. im giving you a one year warning! so go get prepared and all! :D :D

so anyhow, celebrated charmaines birhtday at bella pizza last night. the food was good and it was all in all a fun night. oh and we saw jade seah and may and choy. wow. celebrity hang out. but its ok, 2 years time, i'll be the celebrity and people will be saying "oh i saw marcus eng today! omg! shouldve asked for his autograph!!" haha kidding kidding. but yes, the pizza was really good. and the squid ink pasta was an adventure to say the least. perfect halloween makeup. so then we went to coffeeclub for dessert and to hang out and all. it was fun. i actually thought it might be a tad bit weird at first? but it wasnt weird at all. it was really fun and full of laughter, most of them at charmaines expense.

3 more days and it will be all over. i cant believe im counting down to the end of my papers. that was so last year. pfft

someone said something yesterday. i dont know why i keep thinking about it

2009-11-14T17:41:00.003+08:00

i feel very exhausted nowadays. i get tired at all the wrong times. i cant sleep early but then i get tired in the afternoons. weird. so i've read 2 books in the past week. one really good, one so so. i really like the time travelers wife. wow that sounds kinda gay huh. but its a really sweet book. but sometimes i think it gives people false hope about love. oh wells. a few more days till options paper. i cant wait. excited again. its gonna all over real soon. which is good cause i'll be free. but bad cause thne i gotta go back to camp and endure 14 more months of mental torture till ORD. someboday save me.

2009-11-09T23:56:00.002+08:00

so its back to hell after 2 really crazily hard paper. and looks like paper 3 is gonna be shit ass difficult as well sooooo i dont know. but yes. back in hell. feels like shit. i wanna go home.

have i ever said how much i love reading? people dont really believe me when i tell them that.

i want that perfect life described. i want that perfect love described. i want my Clare Abshire

2009-11-03T20:57:00.003+08:00

it is now NOVEMBER! andddddd. 40 AND A HALF MORE HOURS! YAY! YES! FINALLY! THE DAY THAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR IN A REALLY LONG TIME! no not ORD. thats still 15 months away unfortunately.

so anyhow the past 2 weeks have given me plenty of time to think about things other than math which is really bad unfortunately but thinking is better than rotting in army. so anyhow anyways. yes thinking. thinking about what i wanna do in uni, what i wanna study, which uni i wanna go to. all that good stuff. mind boggling shit really. it seems our simple teenage life has suddenly become so much more complicated. all we used to bother about was when is our next IA due, when is our next test, when is our next exam. a routine that spanned the duration of our youth. for 12 years of our lives, we just studied for our next test, our next exam, worrying only if our teachers would scold us if we handed in stuff late or if we skipped class, worrying when is our next match or performance for our respective CCA's, worrying about our friends, worrying whether the person we have some huge infatuation with would even talk to us. for 12 years, although it didnt seem like it at the time, our lives were relatively simple and straightforward. easy without complications. do well, move on, how good a secondary school we go to, pass pass pass, go on to do A levels or IB, IA's IA's IA's and then the big bad exam. and suddenly, 12 years is over. our basic education is done, finished. we all heaved a big sigh of relief after our IB papers and we thought we were free. and then suddenly, the bigger more important decisions suddenly come rushing at us. which university are we gonna go to. which country? waht courses? wham bam thank you maam. all these questions, so many options and yet we struggle to find an answer. O levels/IGCSE and then A levels/IB. that was the easy part. suddenly our lives jsut became so much more complicated, so much harder. all these paths have open up. how are supposed to choose which path to take?

2009-10-30T19:31:00.001+08:00

You took me from granted,

Blended thorns in this garden of mine.

What are the chances my hope has died?

Do you suppose I earned it?

Do you not see

How I'm begging on my knees?

You bring out the Devil in me.

You took my trust

Ground it to dust

And I don't want another day

Shackled to your ball and chain.

You're entirely a pain

And I'm so tired of explaining

The sensation I've known over time

2009-10-30T19:30:00.000+08:00

6 more days till my paper. i seriously cant wait! i sound crazy i know

2009-10-28T22:59:00.003+08:00

sooo charmaines staying in singapore. till may at least. which is a change from her original plan to leave in january. SOOOOO. i am extremely happy about that. and im weeping with tears of joy. it is like the best piece of news ever! like oh my gosh. its better than striking the lottery! its better than getting 45 points in IB! its better than ORD-nig! its a miracle! a gift from above! its like THE BEST THING EVER! i mean. is there any news better than that?!?!?!?!?!? IM STILL WEEPING WITH TEARS OF JOY! I DONT THINK ILL EVER STOP CRYING! HAHA! ok so bro, i hope youre reading this and appreciate my happines that youre staying.

so anyhow, 7 days till exam! haha! cant wait. really excited. so met up with joshua for activities yesterday after tuition. it was good. then i met char-maine today for tea and all. or staying at zara for like forever while she mentions the words "i loveeeeee these shoes" at least 50 times. but it was fun. eating apple pie, getting stalked by her pre-pubescent stalkers/lover boys and just teasing her like non stop which is like routine from the day i sat at her table about 5 years ago and listening to her not so softly bitching about me! but see how things work out after awhile. hanging out wiht my bestfriend is always fun. and im realy damn glad shes not leaving.

you bring out the devil in me

2009-10-26T21:41:00.001+08:00

heard good news today. so suddenly im happy :D

2009-10-23T23:19:00.001+08:00

those words. as if something came crumbling down

2009-10-23T00:29:00.000+08:00

one day i'm gonna become sick of being that person

2009-10-23T00:23:00.000+08:00

Take all my time, all my company

Take everything from me

Fake, fake, fake all these things that you say to me

Nothing that I want to believe

I think the time has come to set it straight

I need to change this frequency

'Cause everyone just says the same old thing to me

You're shattered crown, it drags me down

'Cause there's no sun when you're around

Your righteous lies, you slip and slide

Now I want you to just

Get out

Say anything that you want to me

I'm still not gonna agree

I'm not gonna be a part, be a part of this

I'm not what you want me to be.

Because I need some time to set this straight

I'm gonna forward everything I say

Tell everyone to say the same old thing to me.

2009-10-22T02:27:00.000+08:00

you are awesome.

so be my rock and roll queen

2009-10-21T00:12:00.002+08:00

A long time ago, we used to be friends

But I haven't thought of you lately at all

If ever again, a greeting I send to you,

Short and sweet to the soul I intend.

2 days have gone by quite fast. it wednesday already. 15 more days till HL Mathematics Paper 1. hmmm. met my bestfriend yesterday for tea, marking papers and dinner. had hockey practice today. gosh im exhausted. dont knwo whats in store for the next few days. all i know is that i cant wait for 2010.

2009-10-19T01:05:00.000+08:00

hypocrite oh hypocrite. thou is a hypocrite

sometimes people just dont appreciate the things i do for them

2009-10-18T20:50:00.002+08:00

there are some people in life who we're good friends with but somehow or another you guys kinda drift and somehow for some reason or another, its hard to stay in contact with them and stuff. but the good thing is that even though it could be ages before you guys meet, when you guys do meet, its as if no time has passed at all.

even though my exams are in 2 and a half weeks time. i must say that i had a thoroughly enjoyable weekend. played soccer yesterday. and then had dinner with joshua woon and kui. they crashed my place and we watched soccer and 2 movies. wow sounds kinda gay. then today had driving, tuition and had a really good enjoyable dinner with annabelle. i really have missed my favourite emo girl and as usual it was really good catching up, bitching and gossiping about anything under the sun! and im meeting my bestfriend tmr for breakfast so looks like a really good 3 days. my family should go out of town more often!

you are the sun. you are the only one.

be my rock and roll queen

2009-10-11T20:31:00.002+08:00

accidents,

let the evening in the back door

fill the room

ceiling to the floor

innocence,

sunk the glow and drowned in covers

send for all your absent lover things.

enough is enough. so tired of hearing blah blah blah blah blah. so tired of you

miss you. kinda do

2009-10-10T01:56:00.001+08:00

its october now. sweetness. time is passing by. and im happy that september has passed by quite fast. i cant wait for 2010 cause that means 2011 is right round the corner.

2009-10-05T22:32:00.003+08:00

inspiration.

had a good tea with my bestfriend today. im gonna miss her like freaking crazy when she leaves. sigh.

2009-10-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

bouquet of clumsy words,

a simple melody,

this world's an ugly place,

but you're so beautiful to me.

remember when we were younger and nothing but innocent thoughts filled our mind. nothing seemed to be able to trouble. every friend we made seemed to be a good friend and we just thought that these friends were gonna be our friends forever and ever. and as we grow, more and more bad thoughts start entering our head. more and more friends start to leave and we find it harder to make new ones to replace those that left. we try desperately to hold on to the few good friends we have but sometimes we still succumb to the inevitable fact, "people always leave" i feel like getting that phrase tattooed on my left forearm but i;ll probably regret that. i think "Faith" would look better

2009-10-04T03:11:00.003+08:00

you're a cock friend. maybe one day you'll realise that and say sorry. but then again, if that day comes, maybe i dont wanna be there anymore

2009-09-30T23:33:00.001+08:00

sometimes in life we have to do things that is not even our job. solve stuff thats not even our problem. and what do we get out of it? nothing.

2009-09-27T19:14:00.002+08:00

i think katy perry is super duper hot! i <3 katy perry

"Anonymosity. It brings about a longing-a yearning. It aches acknowledgment. But it usually ends the way it begins. it remains anonymous, stagnant, unknown. Fear. Cowardice. Pride. Not knowing how to think or what to feel. Finally stepping out into the unknown, out of ones comfort zone. what becomes of that? we live to figure out. we live to try. anymosity, why o why?"

-Charmaine Kwee

hmmm i must say. my best friend is quite the talented writer. we see so many people in the streets and all, not knowing who they are, what they do. sometimes we see people we're attracted to but we dont know their names. there're so many things in life we dont know or we're not sure of. so many things we're scared to find out that we'd rather live at not know, forever wondering but never bothering to find out. sometimes we dont dare try, to afraid of failure. but i dont think thats my problem. charmaine said i always try. and i always end up failing. but i guess thats life. just gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself up and learn from your mistakes. thats life. full of mistakes and failures. sometimes we're brave enough to try and try and try. whether its telling the person we like that we like them or taking a risk in a match. more often than not we fail but

2009-09-22T15:33:00.000+08:00

people have the right to change. but people have a right to stay the same too.

how come sometimes we're the ones that stay the same yet we're the ones thats left broken

2009-09-20T02:37:00.003+08:00

Mi Familia. My Life.

i wanna thank my bestfriend for accompanying me. you really are the best! (: and i wanna thank my brooo for coming down also..

ive had this cough for a few weeks now and it hasnt gone away and its irritating me. life is kinda irritating me

always the contingency plan. never first pick

2009-09-19T00:02:00.002+08:00

blah blah blah blah blah. sometimes its like, WHO GIVES A FUCK?!

cant i say something for a change?

sometimes life throws us many weird sudden surprises every now and then and we just have to accept them and sometimes learn to laugh at them cause honestly, some of then are downright hilarious.

soccer today was good. hockey 2 nights ago was good. going back to camp tmr not so good. ppl leaving on monday not so good. life right now not so good. hmmmmmm. bright spark ol bright spark, where art thou?

2009-09-17T14:15:00.001+08:00

backup plan

2009-09-15T02:40:00.003+08:00

Hey jude, dont make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey jude, dont be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

waiting for someone to perform with

a less than ideal start to the week. but i cannot wait for thursday.

My Family. My Friends.

Mi Familia. Mis Amigos.

let her under your skin, but dont let her into your heart. cause then your hearts as good as gone.

its gonna be a depressing 2 weeks. sigh ):

why do i feel this way?!

2009-09-13T20:25:00.000+08:00

16 just held such better days
.
i laughed the loudest who'd have known
.
i'm too depressed to go on,
you'll be sorry when i'm gone
.
soon its gonna be halfway through september. good good. been sitting around listening to blink 182 songs and this sense of nostalgia is just flooding me. sometimes we keep on wishing that we could go back to better days. because looking back and remembering and longing for the good ol days is easier than trying to figure out what the future holds and whether it holds good days or bad days.
.
the clock is ticking. calender pages are flipping. but its too slow. theyre passing by too slow. i wish for the days to zzoom past. or i wish for the clock to go the other way. everyones leaving one by one. either that or theyve left. people always leave, and usually its the good one that leaves.
.
i met up with charmaine at bugis yesterday to just hang out and walk around. and it was good like always. but she told me how she applied for 3 australian unis and shes probably leaving next year february. and although im gonna be happy for her to further her studies in a good uni studying what she wants, i cant help but feel really sad and depressed. its only september but february will come really soon. and i dont know. i just dont want it to come cause it means shed have left. youd have thought id be use to people leaving and all but i dont know what im gonna do when m y bestfriend leaves.

2009-09-13T03:48:00.000+08:00

cause after all, you're my wonderwall.
.
the silence is deafening
.
i'm tired. exhausted. stressed out.

2009-09-09T01:15:00.002+08:00

today was a crap cock day. this week has been a crap week so far. and its only been 2 days. extra long week this week. CRAP CRAP CRAP! its 090909. im really just waiting and waiting for something or someone exciting to come along. life is boring. life needs some spicing up.

i really wanna get a data plan for my blackberry but because every month my phone bills too high so my mom refuses to get me the data plan. and every month i try my best to cut back on the outgoing calls and stuff and i thought i was diong well. BUTTTTTTTTTT. the last week, DUCK has been making me call her every night which is fine cause its fun to talk to her and shes my BESTIEEEEEEEEE and shes hilarious and SCANDALOUS and always makes me laugh BUT IM GONNA HAVE TO LIKE PAY FOR MY OWN PHONE BILL THIS MONTH! but ok la i dont mind. SEE HOW NICE I AM TO YOU DUCK! BETTER BE APPRECIATIVE K!! (: (: (:

2009-09-06T19:17:00.002+08:00

you really had me going this time

you need to quit, quit making a scene

Like lipstick traces on pillow cases

Some things in life are unforgettable

Like love, loss, lies and us and woh ohh

Some things in life are undeniable

it was a pretty boring weekend. i passed my BTT. i had a nice dinner at chilli's with joshua and sheryl. i bought this really cool looking speakers for $20 cause i dont know where mine are.but yeah thats pretty much it. if ranked on a "most interesting weekends" list, this one would be pretty much close to the bottom. kui did sleep over on fri night so it was good to catch up with him. joshuas and swetas bday next week at my place which is sth to look forward to i guess. but its gonna be a super long week cause i have to go back to camp again satruday. fuck charlie coy. i hate you. so even though it was a boring weekend, it was a pretty "eventful" week i suppose. or not really.i dont know. i must say, i shall never get inspired by "how i met your mother" ever again and do stupid things. and i shall never listen to tang and mella to "just have balls and just do it!". so yes. lesson learnt. thank you goodbye

with some people, sometimes we stop, think and evaluate the friendship we have with them. but with other people, we never have to, cause we know they're there and thats all that really matters (:

2009-09-04T00:56:00.001+08:00

You're repeating me lines that you think I wanna hear

But I don't wanna hear anymore

As if sorry is any consolation

For what it's worth, you're stringing me along

Shouldn't need anyone

Just scared of being alone

But by the time you figure this out

And I'm already gone

Do you remember when we were just kids

And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss

Schoolyard conversations taken to heart

And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not

2009-08-30T19:24:00.000+08:00

august 30th. its almost september. park came back from korea this week. went to ichiban boshi at the esplanade for dinner which lasted close to 3 hours cause people like andrew joshua and woon came damn late. after dinner it was off to clarke quay for churros and then off to robertson quay where i caught the liverpool bolton match. what a match! TORRESSS!! GERRARDDDD!! i went to charmaine's baptism today. interesting experience. i saw amanda there after not seeing/talking to her for at least a year + now. i think its cool to bump into people we havent seen in ages nad just catching up. i am very very tired. probably due to the fact that i slept at 4 20am and woke up at 7. so had less than 3hours of sleep which isnt healthy at all. i am bored and it looks like the next few weeks are going to be qutie fucked up. sigh. stupid LAB. siannnnnn. but then again, when has army never been sian. but september is gonna be a really screwed up busy month. sigh.

2009-08-23T02:46:00.004+08:00

michelle monaghan is sooo hot

2009-08-21T21:56:00.005+08:00

my tattoo inspirations!

dont know why but the last few days i've really been thinking of getting a tattoo. been thinking about different ideas and all that. i really want to get one of a court jester. either that or a quote. undecided still

its friday august 21st. this month has gone by pretty fast which is a real good thing. i really wanna watch GI joe but it seems like no one wants to watch it. oh wells. i wanna go on a holiday. to a beach resort somewhere. just to relax. and chill out and get away from this place and forget everything for a bit.

i miss you. and sometimes i'm reminded of our friendship last time. sometimes i ask myself is it good for these small flashes of past closeness? like is it a sign taht maybe things are getting better? or is it just small signs that show me what will never be again? how did we drift? what happened? too many unanswered questions that will forever be left unanswered. is it cause we both don't know the answers? or is it that we do know them and just dont want to admit them?

oh wells

this weekend doesnt look so exciting. you know things are quite crap when even the weekends you always look forward to dont really seem all that exciting anymore

2009-08-19T00:22:00.001+08:00

boredom is slowly but surely taking over. my life is just an unending cycle and pattern of boredom and crap and nothing exciting seeems to be happening. i need something/someone to spice things up and make life more exciting and enticing. this boring routine im living is killing me

2009-08-16T18:07:00.000+08:00

another weekend has come and go and just like every other end of a weekend, i'm just sitting around waiting for friday evening to come around. its kind of a depressing and pathetic way of life but what to do right? sometimes youre just stuck in these kinds of situations. there are less things that i look forward to nowadays. i dont know if its because i dont want to build high hopes or maybe its because ive been too disappointed.

i miss a lot of things, i miss a lot of people. and im really glad sheryls back but its kinda depressing how shes gonna be gone in a month cause shes the one thats always gonna be there and ready to hang out or go for dinner. speaking of which, i realised ive only hung out with bingxi twice since he went to army. and i am predicting i'll only hang out with him about 1 or 2 times before its 2010.

im really hungry and im really craving mexican food and not the drab crap that my maids cooking tonight. and i really want to watch the liverpool match tongiht at 11 but at 11 tonight, im gonna be stuck, dying and depressed in camp waiting for 5 days to pass by quickly!

2009-08-15T11:54:00.003+08:00

sometimes somehow we always just end up the bad guy. no matter what happened and no matter how you didnt do anything and no matter what other people did and all, it somehow always gets interpreted as your fault. i guess lifes really fucked up sometimes.

pissing me off

2009-08-10T02:05:00.000+08:00

it has been a deressingly dreadfully awfully boring mundane and pretty much crap weekend. i'd like to say that tomorrow is going to be a better day but unfortunately i know that Monday 10th August will be boring and pretty much crap. wow, i think this has been one of the worse long weekends ever. big sigh.

i now have Wonderwall stuck in my head. its a surprisingly awesome song

2009-08-09T00:33:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALVIN ENG WEI GUO! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD AND ALL TAHT GOOD STUFF! YOURE THE BEST LINEMATE EVER! HAHAHA!

2011 is gonna be a great year. the greatest ever. i cant wait. and youre right BB! im gonna stop expecting too much!

there are some people who youre always gonna miss someone loads. either cause theyre overseas, away somewhere or just cause you guys kinda drifted and you just miss their companionship like crazy.

you know i always thought if i heard those words i'd be happy or relieved? but when you said them, its like no change. as if i didnt care.

2009-08-08T14:45:00.002+08:00

kui is right. there are some people who arent worth the time and effort. and he also said why do we invest time into people who'll never give back to us? like throwing time away into the drain.

today has been a boring first half of a saturday. and from the look of things, its gonna be a mighty boring and crap long weekend. oh wells. jsut waiting for somethign to happen!

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

I keep my distance but you still catch my eye

I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

2009-08-08T00:53:00.001+08:00

astericks underscore underscore astericks

its been a long tiring week. more tiring than expected. busier than expected. but in life, we never know what to expect. cause we might expect something, until something else totally just blows up in our faces

cause when you said that, for some strange reason, i did not care

2009-08-02T12:59:00.006+08:00

my part time roommate

my laopo!

a pity we dont have a group shot! 2 weeks time! THE LINE!

sometimes we keep giving excuses for ourselves or excuses for the things we do or excuses for the things that keep happening to us. but i guess im learning to stop coming up with excuses and accept whats happening. im learning how to deal with the fact that some things are my fault and yeah i fucked up here and there. but thats life. we learn from our mistakes and we move on. so maybe we gotta just stop coming up with excuses and start coming up with solutions instead

2009-08-02T03:08:00.000+08:00

The Hangover is the best movie i have watched in a really really long time. its just laugh out loud funny throughout. almost every line is funny. the actors are hilarious so kudos to the director for creating such and AWESOME movie! everyone should go watch it!
speaking of good, the slider mini burgers at Overeasy are just plain delicious. it is literally like heaven in your mouth! everyone should go try it. wah free advertisements today.

You spin my head right round right round

2009-08-01T00:23:00.002+08:00

finally i can upload pictures

mucho gracias senorita

its 12:27am which means its saturday August 1st. which also means I Lose. so yeah. i agreed to it. saturday. 10 days. i lose. so yeah. i give up. i really do. its funny in a way. and i guess the word is intriguing. like its been an interesting intriguing ride, especially the happy hopeful part which was kinda foolish and stupid. but interesting ride, not fun not happy, but interesting. but like all rides whether fun or a waste of time, everything comes to an end. so this is it then. im keeping to my end of the deal clarisse tay! for once im gonna stick by what i say! this all seems a little overdramatic and shit but im bored so im just babbling on blogger. its saturday now. i lose. i can come up with excuses and all that but im not going to cause whats the point. it just delays the inevitable outcome? wow. its like suddenly im learning from my mistakes. or im seeing some sense or ive wisen up. i dont really know what it is really. but wahtever it is. for once, ive know when ive lost. and i konw when its time to give up. i lose

ahhhh. wheres duck when i need her! sleeping i bet!

i wanna marry a hot latina mexican wife so she can cook me burritos and chimichangas whenever i want! I <3 MEXICAN FOOD

2009-07-29T21:24:00.000+08:00

seeing through excuses like seeing through water. seeing through bullshit like seeing through air.
sometimes we wonder who our real friends are. sometimes we wonder whos gonna be there for us when we need them. sometimes we wonder whos the real friend and whos the hi bye friend. sometimes we wonder whos the true friend and who are the fair weather friends.

i think transformers was not that bad only because megan fox was so damn hot.

i've learnt to take everything you said with a pinch of salt.

2009-07-28T20:37:00.000+08:00

i wanted to post a picture of sarah roemer but for some reason my blogger doesnt have the insert picture function. waking up in vegas is stuck in my head. katy perry is really pretty. i really wanna go to vegas now. cause of her song and cause i watched 21 yesterday.

crap crap crap bullshit bullshit bullshit. some people are full of crap. some people are full of bullshit. and some people are full of both
but sooner or later we know who these people are, and then we're able to take the things they tell us with a pinch of salt. we stop believing them most of the time and we literally take "seeing is to believing" to be true. when they tell us something, we just say "ok. erm sure,. yup fine." as if we believe them, but in actual fact, whats there to believe? cause they dont give us the confidence to believe in the things they say

2009-07-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

so the really short trip to KL is over. went by too fast if you ask me. wished it was a few days over there, a few days away from here. a few more days of hockey. hockey was great. just being on the ice again, forgetting everything except where the puck is, where the net is, where your teammates and opponents are. thats the great thing about hockey, it gets your mind off all your problems and shit for the hour or so youre on the ice. great feeling and i wish i had hockey every week like i used to. my bodys aching and i kinda twisted my knee a bit again but i say it was worth it. god i love this sport

i think sarah roemer has this really unique look.

gonna remove my wisdom teeth tomorrow. kinda scared cause i have this huge ass fear of needles and i heard the injection tomorrow is what hurts the most. oh wells. on a side note, sheryls coming back in a few hours time!

1 second of hope and happiness that fades away into nothing

2009-07-25T02:38:00.002+08:00

Just don't forget to
Think about me
And I won't forget you
"I'll write you once a week", she said

And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off

i'd say its been a pretty good last 3 days. in a nutshell, i went to have dinner with my favourite set of twins yesterday along with kui and chang. and then the 5 of us went to hang out at bugis and just chillled there till about 5 plus. gosh im gonna miss my BB and pal when they go back to sydney. had brunch with char-maine today and then was in school for a bit. off to KL tmr, cant wait. and i just finished wathivng vcantage point and fired up. vantage point: one of the best movies ever, full of suspense and plot twists. then theres fired up which is like a cheerleader version of american pie. and its funny as hell! and sarah roemer danielle harris are so hot!

so yesterday, kathi and kristi were pointing out to me that ever since they knew me in year 3 which was 4 years ago, i kept insisitign that the present year sucked and that the previous year was so much better and i just cnat wait for the next year. and i realised how true that is. like in year 5, i hated that year and missed year 4 and i longed for year 6 to come. and then in year 6, i reaised how crappy everything was so i longed for year 5 and wished for graduation to come. its like a never ending cycle. and i guess thikning about what those 2 were telling me, im never satisfied with what i have. i keep looking for more more more and i never enjoy the moments that i have. one things fro sure though, i hate 2009 and im gonna hate 2010. BUT, im gonna love 2011. mark my words, 2011 is gonna be great. but yeah, maybe i do need ti change my mentality and all. maybe i do need to start thikning differently. live life and enjoy life. i guess sometimes we jsut need to stop thikning too much and just do what we want.
" life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"

2009-07-23T15:13:00.002+08:00

so its another 2 more days and its off to KL. so even though im only there for like a little over a day, i cant wait. get out of this place for a bit and do the one thing that i love, the one thing that seriously gets all my troubles off my mind for awhile.

so went to ion orchard yesterday. fascinating. kui slept over. gonna meet him soon. then gonna meet the twins later tongiht. gonna meet my bestfriend tomorrow morning and then i dont thikn i have plans for the rest of tomorrow. and i know youre gonna read this eventually char-maine! YOU OWE ME! HAHAHA! (: (: so yes. its been a good week and all. and sheryls coming back!

dealing with everythign thats getting thrown my way. i am a court jester. i'm just gonna smile and laugh. how do you know if a smile is real or fake? i wonder

a not so startling revelation made not so long ago. attached friends are really really different from unattached friends

2009-07-22T11:41:00.000+08:00

heres the thing about mistakes, sometimes even though you know its a mistake, you gotta make it anyways

2009-07-22T00:09:00.002+08:00

"Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? if so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back."

we always want back lost opportunities, those moments in our lives where we wish we had done differently. those times that we regret waht we did. we all want those days back, a chance to make ammends, an opportunity to do something different and change our lives. but the sad thing is, its all in the past. and whats past is past. no way to go back in time and change waht we did. no second chances and waht we missed. we cant change the past, but the past changes us.we cant go back and rectify our mistakes, or do something we had passed. all we can do is pray we do things differentlyy in the future.

2009-07-19T15:00:00.002+08:00

I'm in the business of misery,
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass it's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change

This weekend was quite a disappointment. i had a really great week until i reached saturday where everything just decided to just screw up and it just really pisses me off. but i shouldve expected it. i mean, you cant always have the good stuff? there has to be an almost amount of crap mixed in to balance everythign out. its just frustriating that my weekned was more or less ruined. but oh wells. what can i do right. going to malaysia next week so finally got sth to look forward to.

so here i am in camp on a sunday afternoon cause someone cnat do duty so i gotta help cover. wow. depressing huh. seriously what a crap weekend.

2009-07-12T18:50:00.002+08:00

the long weekends over. but im hoping this week passes by fast this week. NE tour on friday so at least i get out of camp. i cant wait for the 25th. i dont know if im excited cause i havent played hockey in almost 4 months and i finally get to pick up my stick again or is it that i get to get out of the country for awhile which im quite excited to do. i think its a combination of both

to do or not to do. that always seems to be the question.

so ask me again. cause i wanna tell you the answer

2009-07-11T19:40:00.002+08:00

when you asked me, i panicked and i said something like its complicated or something. but thats not true. its not really all that complicated. its quite simple in fact. and if you asked me again, i'd tell you its simple and i'd tell you the truth. i know i can't wish to turn back the clock so i could answer that differently. but i can wish that you'd ask me that question again so i can tell the truth this time.

2009-07-11T12:04:00.002+08:00

we all dare to dream of the impossible. but do we dare chase those dreams?
we all dream of fighting the losing battles. but do we dare fight on after we know we've lost?
we all know what we want. but do we dare do everything we can to get it?

how do i compete?

2009-07-09T22:31:00.002+08:00

i'm glad to be home. you know camp wouldnt be all that bad if i didnt have so much crap to do everyday. wait who i am kidding, it would be crap. but i've made some good friends there so it aint all that bad. so another week has more or less passed. another pay day is here. another weekend. lunch at holland with the twins andrew lian mich and ellen tmr . i have no other plans yet but i need to make some cause i dont wanna waste another weekend. and i have yet to watch transformers but it seems like everyone has already watched it.

i think its hit me. maybe its been always right there in front of me and maybe i justt never wanted to notice it or never wanted to accept it. but i guess the past few days, slowly but surely im slowly realising it. its not that im getting wiser and all. i guess im just finally coming to my senses.

i get breathless. i dont know what to say. im nervous. im scared. im afraid to be myself. i watch what i say. i watch waht i do. i try to be someone im not.
way outta my league

and i came here to make you dance tonight
i don't care about my guilty pleasure for you
and i don't even know
what kinda fool you're taking me for

So don't let anyone scare you
You know that I'll protect you
Always,
now through the thick and thin
Until the end
You better watch it
You know you don't cross it because
I'm always here for you

2009-07-08T22:26:00.002+08:00

"Life's troubles and dissapointments are harder to swallow when you don't know any vulgarities."

-DAFFY YEN

2009-07-06T00:18:00.003+08:00

the weekend passed by quite fast. faster than usual. maybe its cause it was packed and i didnt really have time to just sit back and chill. but its alright. i really dont mind. busy weekends usually mean fun weekends spent with friends and family! so i guess all thats left now are the memories of the great weekend and then looking forward to the next, hoping it will be just as great!

THE BANES OF MY LIFE! i've counted 4 on saturday!

2009-07-04T22:54:00.003+08:00

today i met my bestfriend who i havent hung out with for about a month. today i met my little sis who i havent met in about a month. today i met my emo anorexic rock and roll princess who i havent seen in about 8 months. today i met my favourite set of twins who i havent seen in half a year. so all in all, today was a not bad day. i got to spend time with people who mean the world to me. got to catch up with people who i havent seen in months and months. so im glad for today. cause today was the first good day that ive had in a long long time and i more or less enojyed the whole of today except for a few things here and there. woke up at 5am cause char-maine couldnt sleep and we talked for an hour before deciding to meet earlier for breakfast. johan came along and they got their nails done. met katerina and clarisse for lunch at fareast before we wlaked around to wisma. had drinks with kristi and kathi and jus hung out before we headed down to the airport to send priss off. then i had dinner with sweta and chang. so yes. basically i spent my day with a few of my favourite people in the world although there are a few i havent spent enough time with and hopefully i get that oppurtunity to. but yes. today was a good day. the first one in a long time. i say keep them coming.

the thing about thinking too highly of someone is that youre then usually let down by your high expectations. maybe thats why i have a tendency to think the worse of people so that they'd impress me and not find a way to let me down and disapoint me