so today was ok.. like i feel much better cause i solved this huge problem.. =) yup.. but i did practically nth today.. ermmm.. went to church.. went macs for lunch.. wwent home.. studied for 3-4 hours.. rested for an hour.. tuition for 2 hours. studied for 1 hour. went blading.. solved a problem and then here i am.. haha.. seriously damn bored la.. crap.. holiday tmr.. means more studying.. wat a chore.. shit la.. anyways.. only need to go to sch tuesday then im off to KL for ice hockey!! anyways.. im talking with nat on the phone.. she's like really retarded la.. singing on the phone and laughing like siao.. and talking abt gay people.. donno wth is wrong with her!!! HAAHAHAH!!! waiting for stupid priss to call la., then conference..hahaha.. stupid priss watching her stupid show.. haha.. anyways.. i feel better now.. better than ive been in a long time.. yup.. tats good i guess!! haha.. =)

i read it.. i teared.. and this is seriously not a cry for attention.. so here's the truth.. every single thing.. first of all. i dont crave for the attention.. i dont want the attention.. u think i wanna be seen as this emotionally unstable guy.. no.. i dont.. yes.. ive had mood swings.. especially this past week.. but hasnt everyone.. and like.. u know wat im going through.. not all of it.. so sorry if it seemed like a cry for attention.. and i never said u dodnt listen.. u do.. ur always the one hu listens.. and wat makes u think ur not a good friend.. ur like the best friend a person could have.. and i love u for that.. so dont u ever think i don appreciate ur friendship.. cuase i do..ive always treasured it.. maybe i don show it enough and tats my fault.. u know.. everytime i wanna talk abt sth... ur the first person tat comes to my mind.. why do u think tat night i made u call me.. cause i know ur the only one i can talk to.. we are good friends and dont u ever dare think otherwise.. u've done more than enough for me.. and im the one who feels that ive not done enough for u.. seriously.. yesterday hurt.. hopefully our posts can solve things btw us.. we have too great a friendship to let it end like this.. i may not have soved everything.. and there are still a lot of shit on my mind. but one thing is certain.. ur one of my best friends and nth will ever change that..can we go back to before.. i end this hoping there are more secret hand shakes to come...

i read it.. i teared.. and this is seriously not a cry for attention.. so here's the truth.. every single thing.. first of all. i dont crave for the attention.. i dont want the attention.. u think i wanna be seen as this emotionally unstable guy.. no.. i dont.. yes.. ive had mood swings.. especially this past week.. but hasnt everyone.. and like.. u know wat im going through.. not all of it.. so sorry if it seemed like a cry for attention.. and i never said u dodnt listen.. u do.. ur always the one hu listens.. and wat makes u think ur not a good friend.. ur like the best friend a person could have.. and i love u for that.. so dont u ever think i don appreciate ur friendship.. cuase i do..ive always treasured it.. maybe i don show it enough and tats my fault.. u know.. everytime i wanna talk abt sth... ur the first person tat comes to my mind.. why do u think tat night i made u call me.. cause i know ur the only one i can talk to.. we are good friends and dont u ever dare think otherwise.. u've done more than enough for me.. and im the one who feels that ive not done enough for u.. seriously.. yesterday hurt.. hopefully our posts can solve things btw us.. we have too great a friendship to let it end like this.. i may not have soved everything.. and there are still a lot of shit on my mind. but one thing is certain.. ur one of my best friends and nth will ever change that..can we go back to before.. i end this hoping there are more secret hand shakes to come...

so this is how it ends.. just like that eh.. hmmm.. what to do what to do... hmmm.. NO FUCKING CLUE!! well.. like i said.. my last 2 weeks have been like hell. and with today's happenings, it seems my descent to hell has been completed... oh well.. it seems like theres no way out of this hole im in.. wat a predicament im in.. wat a FUCKING shithole im in.. oh welll.. wat can i say.. where are ur friends when u need them.. andrew!!! hurry the fuck up and come back from bangkok la.. i need ur help.. sigh.. so... have i mentioned.. the last 2 weeks have been hell.. well.. if i havent, THE LAST 2 WEEKS HAVE BEEN HELL!!! and oh wait.. next week.. ice hockey tournament in KL..and the week after.. mid years... yea.. great timing. SUPERB timing.. supposed to win a tournament,, win a skills competition and do well for mid years.. all the while trying to solve all my frikking problems and all.. oh well.. wat can i say except, "FUCK!!!!!" yes.. i am a little bit angry.. just a tiny wee bit.. and im sad.. but just a little.. and it seems like everything's gonna be solved by tmr. oh wow.. great eh.. i love my life...whatever la.. i feel fucking sick.. aargh.. sigghhh.. why oh why.. anyways,. thanks guys, those hu like tried cheering me up and all.. yea..
well.. i look forward to the long weekend and tuesday.. i wonder what other shit can i get into.. hmmm.. i cant wait...

i love my sunshine!! thanks!! u were like the only ray of light in my dark gloomy day!! u make me laugh and smile! :] i love OUR SONG!! dont u dare go away my sunshine!!i dont like the dark.. ahaha
i love my jackass/retard!!! always making me smile when im down and laugh when im pissed,, thanks so much for always being there for me when im down which seems like everyday la..
i love my new best friend!! thanks for being there for me when i was feeling down and shit.. and thanks for always making me smile with ur lameness.. haha.. jkjk.. and don worry abt ur match.. u did great k.. rmb wat u told me when i lost.. yup.. rmb tat!! :]

fuck.. the last 2 weeks have been so fucked up... like everything is going wrong.. and i just feel so shitty and crap.. like i dont know wat to do and all.. its like everyone's having problems.. and then telling me abt them.. and i dont know how to help them all.. and like i feel so useless if i cant help them.. then its like so frustrating that i cant help and i just feel so shitty.. then it seems like everythign is going wrong.. and i cant take it anymore.. like i just broke down and cried.. i feel so fucking stressed these days and i just cant take it anymore.. like wtf la.. i just feel so fucked up.. so shitty and crappy..wtf... i hate it.. wtf wtf wtf WTF!!!!!

A friend is...

*someone who gives you time
Yet asks for none in return.

Who serves,
When there seems to be no reason for service

Who is honest
When it would be easier to lie

Who cares for you
When no one else seems to

Who understands you
Even when you don't understand yourself

Who accepts you for who you are
Even when others are trying to change you

Who will be with you
Even when you are wrong
Even when no one else wants to

Who forgives you
Even when it's hard to forgive yourself

Who trusts you
When you don't deserve to be trusted*

done by: Jackass/retard number 1



A friend tells you u ur overweight,
a good friend tells u ur fat.
A friend tells you "at least u passed",
a good friend tells you to work for an "A".
A friend tells you to keep chasing the girl of ur dreams even when it seems impossible,
a good friend tell you she's not worth it and find someone else.
A friend tells you you'r not good enough,
a good friend tells you nothing is impossible.
A friend tells you a secret,
a real friend keeps yours.
A friend lets you cry on his/her shoulders,
a good friend, while doing that, makes sure ur head is always up.
A friend gives you advice,
a real friend gives good advice.
A friend tells you how to look better,
a real friend accepts you for what you are.
A friend tells you where to get skating lessons,
a real friend teaches you himself,herself.
A friend tells you his/her problems,
a real friend listens to yours as well.
A friend lies to you cause its easier and less painful,
a real friend tells the truth no matter what.
A friend forgives you,
a real friend makes sure you forgive yourself first.
A friend runs when you ask them to run,
a real friend stands by you no matter what.
A friend loves doing stuff with you.
a real friend loves you, period.

Which are you?

i'm finally done. hope you're ok with it. bleh. if not. please tell me immediately!!! argh. i'm tired. see you tml morning.


<333 jackess/retard

today was crummy at first.. but got better as the day got by.. like in the morning.. was just damn depressed.. and like felt real crappy and crummy.. like was just sitting there and felt just so bad and all.. and like shed tears over the game last night.. sigh. but like.. my frens were being supportive and all which was good and bad.. but when someone asked me how was the much, i just felt so bad and like felt like crying.. i know.. pussy.. but yea.. then assembly was so crap.. like just shed tears and was sniffing like mad and all..sigh.. yea.. then i just sat outside tutorial.. couldnt bear to go in and talked to charmaine and mingrong and kathi.. like just told them abt the game and i guess it felt good to get it of my chest... yea.. then just skipped chem.. and talked and ate with jonho and mingrong.. yea.. then like kathi kristi and debbie went holland v and came back and they gave me a huge sunflower and asked me to smile and cheer up!! according to kristi "when u look at sunflowers, u smile!! so smile!!" then alison was damn sweet and like wrote me a note and drew me a cute picture..

haha.. yea.. made me smile and all.. thanks so much guys.. u guys really made my day and cheered me up..

thanks: mingrong charmaine andrew stephen iekka daryl alan jonho shunyi nicholas kathi kristi debbie alison sarina uwei chris and everyone else hu cheered me up and consoled me.. thanks guys.... =)

fuck fuck fuck fuck... semi final against the worst team in the league.. we fucking lost 4-3!! one goal!! ONE FUCKING GOAL!! FUCK!! SHIT DAMN!!KNN!!SONOFABITCH!! fuck la.. i let myself down.. i let my brother down.. i let my parents down. i let everyone down. most importantly, i let my team down! i hate myself. im so fucking useless..

thanks shunyi and jonho for coming to watch and for ur support and encouragement after the match. (sorry i couldnt put on a good show for u guys.. )
thanks andrew, mingrong, ipod charger pal, jackass/retard, kathi , daryl for wishing me luck or asking how was the match..
sorry i let u guys down...

i hate today.. crap day... was like in such a crappy mood the whole day la.. dont know why.. well, one of the reasons was that i got a 6 for achievement in chem!!! damn screwed up la.. fuck.. watever...so yea.. shitty day.. then yea.. school was so messed up today.. aargh!! yea.. wtf la.. anyways,, tmr is my semi final match.. shit.. damn nervous la..shunyi said he was gonna come watch..haha.. u never know hu ur real friends are until they come watch u play.. hahaha.. lame.. yea.. shit day.. but at least i wasnt alone in having shitty days!! jackasses/retards forever!! hahaha.. shhhh.. stupid wednesdays!!

thank god the weekend is over.. i hate weekends..omg.. its like so boring and my mom just forces me to work work work!! crap.. wso anyways.. went to my grandparents place for dinner last night.. then watched exorcism of emily rose!! haha.. damn nice la.. its not scary. its just disturbing!! but didnt manage to finish the movie.. crap.. anyways.,. today had to present out physics project.. frikking funny la.. especially our credits. then played floorball during PE!! then nth happened till like add math.. sir was like damn pissed la.. cause me iekka and kristi were 20 mins late for class.. and uwei was like half an hour late.. and kathi was in sick bay,, so like half the class was missing at first.. so yea la.. he was yelling at us.,. then i was abt to say sth funny but i scared he gets too worked up and gets a heart attack.. HAHA!! anyways.. yea.. aft school played one on one with nicholas.. basketball.. in the rain..haha.. then just hung out with uwei, iekka, alan and alison.. shih chern and jonathan were there too.. so yea.. just chatted.. and arm wrestled.. i told a stupid story!! hahaha!! and iekka and alison were singing stupid songs.. frikking powerpuff girls songs!! omg.. so yea.. then wah.. they like tag team..getting jacked by them all the time.. now i know how alan feels..haha.. so yea.. then i went for hockey.. we had a match against the singapore team.. we won 8-2. yup.. good game i guess..

today was better i guess.. didnt feel THAT depressed compared to yesterday.. but like was in a real crappy mood.. like always wanting to snap at someone.. even my parents.. donno why.. just felt annoyed at eveything.. aargh.. but at least better than yesterday.. thanks charmaine!!! love u sis!! =) .. last night.. charmaine was like trying to cheer me up.. telling me stupid stuff.. "gay" stuff!! hahaha.. stupid freakface!!! lol.. then she was like trying to show me this "hot" actress who wasnt hot at all... haha.. stupid.. that cheered me up a little. thanks!! haha.. today was boring. had tuition in the morning and just dota-ed, did hw and chatted the rest of the afternoon... was real bored.. played this damn boliao stupid game with alison.. haha.. retard.. lol.. then after tat went marche for dinner... hope tmr is a better day.. oh yea.. im in love with the song "the rock show" by blink 182.. the song is damn nice la..i love some of the lines in the song.. really nice..yup..
.
The Rock show - Blink 182
.
Hanging out behind the club on the weekends
Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends
I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour
I rememeber that it's the first time that I saw her there
.
She's getting kicked out of school cause she's failing
I'm kinda nervous, cause I think all her friends hate me
She's the one, she'll always be there
She took my hand and I made it I swear
.
Because I fell in love with the girl at the rock show
She said "what?" and I told her that I didn't know
She's so cool, better sneak in through her window
Everything's better when she's around
Can't wait until her parents go out of town
I fell in love with the girl at the rock show
.
When we said we were gonna move to Vegas
I remember the look her mother gave us
17 without a purpose or direction
We don't owe anyone a fucking explaination
.
I fell in love with the girl at the rock show
She said "what?" and I told her that I didn't know
She's so cool, better sneak in through her window
Everything's better when she's around
Can't wait until her parents go out of town
I fell in love with the girl at the rock show
.
Black and white picture of her on my wall
I waited for her call,she always kept me waiting
And if I ever got another chance I'd still ask her to dance
Because she kept me waiting
.
I fell in love with the girl at the rock show
She said "what?" and I told her that I didn't know
She's so cool, better sneak in through her window
Everything's better when she's around
Can't wait until her parents go out of town
I fell in love with the girl at the rock show
.
what is wrong with you?your nonsense. your crap. your lies. your words. fuck em.. fuck em.. FUCK EM!!

a bout of depression.. today was an up down day.. like really.. mood swings for some reason.. different moods at different time of the day... sighh.. reached school in the morning and was like quite depressed abt some shit.. donno why though.. assembly was worst.. like a huge wave of sadness and shit.. aargh.. fuck.. damn what la.. crap.. then history.. tutorial was crap..then history.. begining was still depressed while i was doing my work but like when i started playing dota then felt better... then chinese was fine too.. but like add math was damn shitty.. like the test was horrible.. didnt know how to do anything.. so i rushed through and passed up and walked out.. then started thinking abt all the shit in my life.. wah.. depression again la.. fuck.. then couldnt concentrate the rest of class..fuck.. english was ok.. then went to play basketball at the church aft school.. then went hockey practice.. wah.. practice was crap.. felt like throwing up and crap.. felt damn shitty and all.. and now here i am.. wtf.. feeling all depressed again.. donno why.. oh wait.. yes i do.. wait. no i dont.. i dont even know anymore..

What the fuck is wrong with you.. didnt even do anything.. gosh.. like.. AARGH!! fuck la.. u know.. i dont even care anymore.. seriously.. i shouldnt care and i dont.. normally i'd care.. but now.. i dont.. at all.. tats good i guess.. u and your crap.. nonsense shit.. fuck it.. thanks for spoiling my week... happy GOOD friday..

today was ok i guess.. school was boring as usual... like did nth interesting.. missing lotsa ppl in class cause of tennis and illnesss and shit.;. did easy practical in chem.. math was lame.. physics too... english as well.. then after school hung out at burger king with jonho daryl leroi stephen and andrew.. yup.. talked and laughed and shit...hahaha.. funny shit.. then me andrew and stephen were walking to mrt station when iekka and alison called to asked us to go back school to play hide and seek.. what the heck.. we went back to play.. hahaha... lame us... who played? ermm.... marcus p., andrew, stephen, iekka, alison. mon, sam, neil and i.. yup.. haha.. fun.. but in a lame kinda way.. haha. yea.. me iekka and alison were hiding behind the artroom for so long.haha.. talking and laughing and shit.. lol... vand andrew is the crappiest seeker ever..haha.. idiot sia he.. lol.. then after that went to watch tennis and fool around in the field.. played monkey and a little soccer.. yup.. lame school day but fun after school activities...oh yea.. stupid alison is still insulting me nonstop..haha.. idiot.. then she was like "on a serious note.. i don mean wat i say.." haha.. whatever.. and she was like" marcus eng.. ur hilarious... i jack u so much and u'll always have the same expression and never say anything.. haha" LOL... well.. of course i don say anything la.. ur a girl so i don insult back..haha..

mondays are a bitch.. nth really happened till like emath.. 8 of us were 10 mins late so madam locked us out.. lol.. for like 5 mins then she let us back in..drap. i mean like.. lock us out at least lock us out for at least the whole period la.. kinda lame just locking us out for 5 mins.. gosh.. then after school went home with stephen and andrew.. then sth funny happened.. well.. funny for me and stephen.. was giving andrew hell throughout the train ride home.. then i kinda pulled a mean prank on andrew.. kinda mean i guess but actually no harm done... i mean like.. nth happened.. no one was hurt... no rumours spread and all.. but andew got real pissed and all so yeah.. sorry dude.. like no hard feelings k..like no harm done at all.. so yea.. forgive and forget.. no one was hurt and no one believed shit so yea.. just forgive us and smile and don be pissed anymore!! and u know me rite.. always joking and fucking around.. so yea.. ur not the only one hu i mess around with!! haha.. don be angry la you!! aiyo.. gosh.. ahah.. SORRY ANDREW PATRICK HILL!!!

tag replies:

wanying: haha. yea.. true wad.

nat: aiya.. good for u lor.. and tats my camera ur taking pics with.. i want it back.haha

waiwan: thanks..

priss: ok.. we'll both kill her than.. lol..

alison: haha.. shut up la.. stop making fun of me can!! lol..idiot.. haha. fine. more "adventures"..

uwei: haha.. whatever..u know i rhyme better than u!! LOL!!

jonho: thats my line la.. haha. so how did it go?

so yesterday was pretty boring.. didnt do much. went raffles city in the afternoon.. boring.. then went to my grandma's place for dinner.. tats it.. and then today was crap too.. church and studying.. tats alll.. yawn.. tonight soccer.. liverpool vs bolton and arsenal vs man u.. i hope arsenal wins for once..haha

today was alright i guess.. yesterday was ok too.. played dota after school and during chinese. didnt really do much actually.. had ice hockey practice at night.. lame as usual.. cant wait for the match on monday though.. last game before playoffs.. yup.. anyways. as i was saying.. today was alright.. chem boring again.. then lit and english was lame.. shit lah.. coursework draft due next week.. but yea.. thank god charmaine was there to entertain me.. haha..during lit.. we were like listing all the hot girls in school.. well. she named guys..haha.. damn funny la.. we were that bored.. haha. then english was boring. doing some lame worksheet.. then i started darwing in charmaine's paper out of boredom..haha.. then she was like 'if u draw one more dot, i'll not talk to u the whole of next week!!" didnt dare draw anymore..haha.. but i know u wouldnt do it charmaine!! u cant bear to not talk to me for a week sis!!! . aft tat was P.E... but like all the guys went to old coach house and all so i got ice cream from the ice cream man and went to watch the girls run.. well.. went to watch charmaine run and the rest walk! HAHA!! yup.. then after school i got like damn high la.. like seriously.. HIGH!! was laughing like crazy and making all kind of lame rhymes.. like.. oh hey.. its uwei. wat a nice day.. you're gay!! HAHA!! like really lame.. then was laughing like siao la.. it was as if i was drunk!! HAHA!!! then after that went on an "adventure" with shunyi iekka and alison.. haha.. "saw" orchard road.. did a good thing.. resisted temptation!! haha.. yea.. then went back school and just hung out. wah shit.. alison was like insulting me throughout la. like omg.. seriously.. just nonstop making fun of me.. mean mean mean jokes.. like i think today was the only time when ive been jacked more than ive jacked people.. wah lau.. ive met my match..haha.. .. then i had to go apologise to shih chern for making fun of him in the morning.lol.. have tuition in half an hour.. crap.. hopefully this weekend is interesting for once..

the last 2 days of school have been ok i guess.. up and downs here and there.. happy times.. sad times.. boring shit as usual.. so like nothing much has been happening.. but like i've been told the same thing by 2 ppl.. and wat ive been told is like frikking hilarious... like real stupid and all.. like duh.. don think tats true,. .haha.. but if they both say so.. i donno.. hmm.. but its sth real stupid.. haha.. anyways.. yea.. real boring at school.. had emath test today. ok i guess.. could do all the matrix shit.. yup.. stayed back aft sch with andrew and daryl.. haha.. did all kinds of crap.. haha.. andrew slipped and fell and like hurt his finger. haha. idiot.. yup.. guess tats abt it.. nth to blog abt actually.. bored!! oh yea.. i heard a joke today.. HAHAHA
Q: What do u get when u put a bomb down a woman's shirt?
A: Titbits!!

Q: What do u get when u put a bomb down a guy's pants?
A: Banana split!

HAHAHA.. like wth rite.. stupid corny lame jokes.. haha.. guess hu i heard them from.. haha

theres like nth to blog abt so i haven been blogging.. last week of school was ok except for a few things here and there... weekend was fine too i guess.. watched Ultraviolet.. kinda stupid movie but Mila Jovovich is soooo HOT!! haha.. me and charmaine met so many interesting ppl.. HAHAHA!! SLUTWALK!!! ONLINE DATING!! right charmaine!!! haha.. yea..today school was kinda boring.. didnt do anything constructive.. haha.. lame...boring!! yea.. just finished my match.. won 6-1.. 3 assits.. one game left till playoffs.. sweet.. yup..

you know who u are.. im so sorry i wasnt there for u today k... got ur email.. damn sad for u now.. dman depressed la.. u know how seeing u like this pains me so much.. please cheer up.. i really couldnt be online.. i had hockey.. im so sorry k.. like really sorry.. i didnt know u were so sad or i would've called.. don hate me like u said u do.. please smile k.. u know theres very little better than u.. tats why he chose u.. don be down anymore.. i really cant tell u wat to do.. im at my wits end..but watever u do, im behind u 100%!! please don be sad anymore... its damn painful to see u like tat.. i feel so useless nowadays cause i never know what to say or what to do when ur sad or crying.. donno wats the right thing to do and shit.. sorry. god i feel so useless..

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

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