Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
One look puts the rhythm in my hand
Still I'll never understand why you hang around

You cry alone and then he swears he loves you

Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found

Face down in the dirt
She said "This doesn't hurt"
She said "I finally had enough"

One day she will tell you that she has had enough

and im just counting down the days till january 2011. and honestly, the only thought/motivation getting me through is the thought of going home at the weekend.

the one spark in this empty void i call my heart.

my muse and motivation

i'm watching this movie, definately maybe. and i guess its kind of a chick flick but i dont know, i really like it. its my 2nd time watching it. its sweet and i dont know. nice. haha dont know how to describe it.

i really really relaly really miss abu dhabi. i wanna go back so badly. i just miss it. the freedom. the letting go of everything for those 9 days

ive enjoyed the weekend. had breakfast and walked around town for a bit with my bestfriend. omg char-maine! you owe me 2 lunches and 2 dinners! :D saw clarisse and joy in town. talked to them for a bit. ohhh i got guitar hero world tour! haha. met johnny bingxi and chang for lunch today. sighhh i wish the weekend was longer!

“The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed” -Charlotte Bronte

i feel like an empty vessel just floating along aimlessly waiting and waiting for someone or something to come along. i feel so empty, like this empty shell of the person i once was. i try my best and yet i fail to find motivation and inspiration. its like theres no reason for anything anymore. its like i just do things for the sake of doing things. i don't find the point in a lot of things nowadays. i feel like i'm just trudging along aimlessly, waiting for something to happen to me. i have no aim, i have no goal, i have no inspiration, i have no motivation, i have no reasons. i feel so lost. i can't go on like this.

there's something wrong with me cause it seems like i can't find the drive and the motivation to do things anymore. even things i love, i just can't find the motivation or the determination to do anything which is really bad. like i've lost my drive and my passion for things. sighh. how am i supposed to dig myself out of this hole?

i'm in abu dhabi now and i've been here for about 5 and a half days but it feels like i've been here for a much longer time. and im still stuck here for another 3 and a half days. on one hand, i really don't mind just going home now. but then again, there's nothing to go home for. honestly, i miss leopard platoon 3. like my platoon mates and the chilling in bunks during admin time. i miss school too but i've been missing that for a long time. i've played 3 matches here already. lost to UAE, tied Hong Kong and beat Macau. so there's India and Mongolia left. the weathers fine here, jst really hot and a bit too dusty. kinda boring i guess but it was good to come out. i think i needed it. to just go somewhere, escape everything and i guess abu dhabi was my escape.

"The moment you stop to think about whether you love someone, you've already stopped loving that person forever"

"A stranger sees us the way we are, not as he wishes to think we are."

-Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

i am a court jester, one with a smile forever plastered on his face no matter what. whether the day is bright and sunny, dark or cloudy, whether he's sad happy angry or disappointed, the court jester will smile no matter what, as if everything is 100% ok. he'll forever pretend nothing is wrong even if something is bothering him or affecting him real badly and he will never complaing when people come to rant or talk about something. cause i am a court jester, i plaster a smile on my face and make other people smile. thats what court jesters do.

soon i'm gonna explode

its gonna be my birthday in 2 days time and i dont know, for once im not really looking forward to it. it was supposed to be the best birhtday ever with me passing out and all but i dont know. i cant really predict how great tuesday will be. im sick and my head hurts. its in a mess. i know i'm starting to sound super whiny and seem like those people who just wanna make themselves seem pitiful and shit. wow i'm turning into that kind of person. yuck. oh wells. no one reads this anyways

my one shining light. where're you?

how i wish i could turn back the clock. cause i've lost. i've lost you. and i'm losing it. my minds a mess. my head hurts. a million things are running through my mind. someone please help me

sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us. hear our rants and our problems. someone who'd know what to say. someone who'd give us guidance and help us out.

its like everythings going wrong and nothings staying right. i dont want the change and yet change just seems to come like a huge avalanche and im just stuck underneath, helpless and unable to do anything except wait for it all to hit and drown me

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

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