Random qoutes to think about (all from one tree hill)

John F Kennedy once said "the courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures, and that is the basis of all morality."
i did what i had to, yeah.. in spite of the consequences and dangers and etc, i did it, i cant change that fact.. i did it.. and im sorry

"I thought I knew you. But I guess it's easier to see what we want...then look for the truth. You think you know me but you don't, and that means you don't know what I can do.... I may not always know what I am doing, but I'll try to make things better. And when I make a mistake, I promise I'll ask for your help. I can't do this alone, but if you'll take a chance on me, we can do great things together. I promise if you believe in me, I'll find the courage to reach for your every dream"
you know now.. its like i dont even know you anymore and i hate it.. i do.. i really do. i dont know whats gonna happen. read this.. and all of it. take a chance on me? love is a gamble, would you roll the dice with me?

"when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. because you are, and that pain you feel...thats life. the confusion and fear, thats there to remind that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for "
i dont know what to say about this one.. yeah. it hurts but pain reminds you that you're alive. but too much pain. well, no one can take that can they?

"listen to your head and follow your heart."
well.. i listened and followed my heart.. maybe i should've used my head.

"don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble, fall, 'cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most"
i did it.. but the thing that scared me the most is whats happening now

"Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more, to show you something special.Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it 'pushing back"
maybe its time for both if us to step up

"Every once in a while, people step up they rise above themselves sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."

"You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it."
maybe i took it for granted.. our friendship. and yeah. taken away and now i miss it sooo much.. i do miss it.. and i realise i do need it. and yes, i do love it.

and this one really means something.. its for you.
"You ever wake up from a really good dream, try to get back to sleep? Or you got the flu, and you promise yourself that you’ll appreciate normal so much more if you could just get back to it? That’s the way I feel. I just want things to go back to the way they were. "
yeah.. if i had one wish now, i'd wish for things to be the way they were.. go back to before.

you know.. i have no idea why i just did this.. i just felt like it. and u say im exageratingg all of this. but in my opinion, im not.. i promise im not exagerating. this is how i feel. and maybe u wont accept that. maybe u think im seeking attention again.. but im not.. i swear.. i call it how it is. we both have different views of things. i know its hard for u. but its not easy for me too k.. i mean, put yourself in my shoes.. see things from my view.. it aint peaches and cream.. i dont know whats gonna happen.. i really dont.. im clueless now.. im at my wits end. i hate what we've become.. i guess its my fault. i regret doing it. and not a day goes by without me beating myself up over it. so yeah.. i donno. sighhh.. the balls in your court now..
and this is not me seeking attention -_-

random thoughts for today

to go or not to go? that is the question
its like half day of school tmr and its teacherds day celebration. and ill have to take bus to school so i dont know if its worth going to school tmr.. i mean.. its half day. a nd kinda a waste of a day.. but it would be fun.. but the travelling wont.. hmmmm.. to go or not to go?

after school is fun fun fun
so like me kathi kristi went to eat prata after school.. and it was like raining but we walked in the rain anyways!! haha.. so like we were kicking water at each other and taking pictures! damn retarded la. but it was fun.. but we got drenched.. so we ate prata with uwei alan daryl jonho and nicholas who were coincidentally there too.. it was damn funny cause we were teasing alan!! hahaha.. ripe banana peeled bananas.. goreng pissang.. banana peel!! red rubies hairy rambutans.. well.. use your imagintion! frikking hilarious la!! lol.. yeah.

dream
so i just woke up from a nap nad i had this dream.. and it felt so real.. and its not good.. nor is it bad.. but i really wish that dream would come true.. sigh.. what do dreams mean? do they predict the future.. sighhh.. urghh.

im not exaggerating.. you know how much it sucks for me. i mean. sighh.. its like. nevermind. can we just talk? please?

boring boring boring
school is getting more boring every day.. reached school early before heading to holland with mingrong leroi and andrew. mingrong went off with louis so me leroi and andew just rotted our asses off at coffeebean.. it was sooooooo boring.. there was absolutely nothing to do so we just talked and played stupid games like shoot shag or marry.. yeah. school was crap.. uh huh.. nothing really happened..

here's a thought
you know how people always say "i know what you're going through" to try and cheer you up.. well.. i think its wrong.. really wrong.. i mean. how the fuck do they know what you're going through.. are they experiencing it first hand.. no. are they in your shoes. no. have they experienced that EXACT same thing before.. no. so how can people say they understand what we are going through.. i mean, its just a way for people to make you feel better.. but seriously, its a lie.. dont say i understand what you're going through.. cause you probably dont.
i guess i take that back.. maybe they do understand what we're going through.. or maybe they're just trying to make us feel better.. either way we should feel appreciative even though the day seems to be damn sucky..
you know.. i trust you. i do.. i really do. and im not just saying that for thr $10.. u said a lot of things today.. i dont know what you meant.. i donno.. but u know.. i know its tough on you and i know i've been treating you like crap lately and im really sorry. its just that its been a shitty past few days so i hope you understand its not personal.. like i said.. u say a lot of things.. and well.. i dont know what to think sometimes cause the things you say are really cryptic? i donno.. but i appreciate your help and talks and all.. and yesterday u said u wanted to do something.. and i as a friend am telling you not to do it... seriously.. its not worth it.. trust me.. i should know.. and just now u said i would hate you for doing sth.. well.. if u want to do both things.. its up to u.. cause ultimately its your decision and no one can make them for you.. so make them wisely.. dont ever regret..

Sidney Crosby+Alexander Ovechkin=FUCKING AWESOME=MY IDOLS!!!
Sidney Crosby #87, 19 years old, 102 points
Alexander Ovechkin #8, 21 years old, 106 points, rookie of the year, NHL first all star team
they're the future of ice hockey.. NHL's answer to lebron james and dwayne wade.. they;re frkking awesome!! omg.. my idols!! if only i had like half their talent la!!!
watch this video.. frikking awesome i tell you

random thoughts for today

time heals everything
people say time heals all wounds, time heals everything. i seriously doubt it. i really do.. think about it, does time heal cancer? No. Does time heal a terminal illness? No. Does time heal the dead? No. So people who say time heals all wounds and time heals everything are lying. Time may heal certain things, but trust me when i say time doesnt heal everything. but i pray to god, i hope i am wrong.

hockey
so today was the hockey shinny.. first time i've played in like a month or 2.. gosh. i feel so out of shape.. crap.

if i told you this was killing me, would you stop?
thats the title of a song by the juliana theory. its a really good song and the third most played song in my itunes. 174 times since february 26. yup.so if i did tell you this was killing me, would you stop?

i want to talk to you.. i really really do. i want to solve this and all. please.

random thought for today

national library
so i went over to the national library yesterday to study with ong squared!! haha.. i surprised and shocked kristi.. yes.. i was a 11% better surprise than whatshisface.. haha. so like yeah.. studied physics a little but mostly i was reading this book. "Better than death" by Georgie Hale..its damn damn interesting.. so yeah. it was like my second time at the naional library.. the first time was like last year when it wasnt totally finished.. its pretty nice.. and like nice to study.. kristi was like fascinated with the vending machine!! she was like staring at her green tea being selected.. WOAH!! hahaa.. and my ipod charger pal kept staring at this girl.. i mean yeah she was pretty but hello!! hahha.. she's a girl!! HAHAH!! and kristi kept claiming she was staring at the shoes.. ermm.. yeah.. sure.. haha.. kristi is like damn serious about studying la.. and surprisingly, i sat like 3 hours there studying/reading.. i know.. impressive.. marcuseng actually studying.. miracle i know.. but it was more like i didnt have a choice.. cause like there wasnt a laptop or tv to entertain me. haha. then kathi came back from hannah's party and we went down to eat at Han's.. then we had ong+ong+eng= 2ong+eng bonding session.. haha. we talked about everything under the sun.. from prata to the 5 hottest people in school.. to truth or dare.. to ermm.. i forgot.. haha. yeah.. i think i need to go library more often. then at least i can study! haha.

sense of accomplishement
so today was boring.. but i sat down in front of my laptop.. and bar a few moments to chat with mingrong, i was totally dedicated and focused and finally started on my lit coursework on the glass menagerie.. not only did i start it, i finished it and sent it in!! yes yes.. major accomplishement.. i feel so proud of myself.. i feel so productive today cause i even finished the book i started yesterday!! haha

more random thoughts that dont really deserve a paragraph on their own

• physics prac tmr! crap.. have to do well.. wish me luck
• hockey tmr!! YAY!! its only a shinny but what the heck.
• PRATA!! i love prata.. and bar any unforseeable circumstances, im gonna go eat prata tmr after school!! haha
• its 11:42pm and im frikking bored..

so here's my ipod charger pal who was sooo hungry waiting for her pasta that she decided to eat her spoon cause she was that hungry!! haha.. spoons arent edible silly!!! HAHHAHAAH..i love my ipod charger pal!! (:

more random thoughts..

a word of gratitude
thanks dude. you said you don deserve, nah. of course you do.. dude.. i really appreciate all you've done.. as in seriously.. i do.. i really do.. it may not seem like it, but i do appreciate your friendship.. you've always been there for me... and yeah.. thanks..

something to think about
i heard this somewhere.. i forgot where.. it went something like this, "there will be times where your head tells you to do something but your heart tells you to do something else. your head tells you to do the sensible thing and smartest thing.. your heart shows what you really want.. its up to you what you want" hmmm.. deep.. it makes a lot of sense i guess.

mindless addiction
im like so hooked on these songs..
O.A.R.- love and memories
Three Days Grace- Animal i have become
Cartel- honestly
reallay really nice songs!!

A first
ive been friends with leroi for a real long time now.. and like. today was the first time i actually had a heart to heart conversation with him! as in like i told him my problems and he listened..and like i asked him advice.. that was a first too.. and for someone who claims is lousy at advice giving.. his words seemed like really wise and correct..

Twins
you know i always wondered what it'd be like to have a twin la.. and like have this twin thing where ur twin knows what you;re thinking and doing.. and like it;d be so awesome to play hockey and like have twins on the same line!!haha..well.. heres to my twin friends!! haha.. ong squared!! thanks for everything.. for advice.. for the talks.. and just.. for being great friends!! hahaha..


HAHHAAHA!!! spastic picture of a retarded girl and her retarded big fat hello kitty stuffed toy!! I SEE THE RESEMBLANCE!!! HAHHAHA!! JKJK!! that picture makes me smile for some reason.. hahha

cold and strained or none at all.. i don like it one bit.. wait. thats an understatement.. in fact.. i fucking hate it!!! aargh.. ):

random thoughts for today

boring boring boring
school was sooo boring and a total waste of time.. i think i shouldnt have even went to school.. i got nothing done and accomplished nothing at all.. sighhh..

sucky
today was a pretty sucky day.. it just.. ermm.. SUCKED!! it was depressing and retarted and just got me all pissed off.. urghhh..

mistakes
people make mistakes every single day.. big or small. they do affect things.. mistakes are common.. and the thing is.. u regret it.. but u cant turn back the clock.. u cant erase the things u did.. no matter how much u try, u did it. u made a mistake.. theres nothing u can do.. you just try your best to fix things and pray to god it works..

Anger: good or bad
i got really pissed today.. for a million different reasons.. it was just an angry day.., but i guess one of the things is that its like.. i feel sad.. but i hate being sad.. so my sadness turns to anger.. so i dont know if its a bad thing or not.. but im just really pissed at myself right now.. cause like im a frikking idiot.. and i jsut want to punch the fucking wall in..

apologetic
im sorry.. for a lot of reasons.. and to a lot of people.. sorry to you cause i made a total mess of things and it just sucks now whats happening and its my fault.. and sorry to you cause you're caught in the middle of it all and i know you dont know what to do and im sorry for putting you there in the first place.. and im sorry to you and you cause i blamed you guys for stuff.. and like i was so unreasonable. cause it was not you guys'fault at all. and i guess i didnt wanna blame myself so i had to blame someone to feel better.. and im sorry.

you know how much today sucked? a lot.. it was weird and shit.. and we didnt talk and like i just felt u didnt even wanna talk to me and shit.. like u couldnt even look me in the eyes.. and it hurts so bad cause i just want it to be like before.. and i know its my fault.. cause i was so fucking stupid to have done it.. i was selfish and didnt think if how it might affect you or other people.. please. lets go back to before.. yes its hard. but we;ve been good friends too long for it to be this way.

oim bored.. sooo very very bored.. im like chatting with andrew and char-maine now.. me and andrew are comparing which of our families have the worst temper.. lol.. and charmaine.. well.. she's really engrossed in her story book so im like babbling on and on in our convo and she's like not replying.. hahaha.. stupid freakface.. well.. here are some random thoughts.

"push me over the ledge and everything around me is a weapon"
andrew told me that.. its true i guess.. people get angry all the time.. but most people are able to keep it in check.. but sometimes, its hard to not retaliate.. its hard to hold back.. sometimes u get pushed so hard that u just have to push back.. anger is a double-edged sword.. it can be dangerous but yet at the same time it can motivate people.. spur them on.

"i think he very stressed lehh. you all are stressing him la! late he jump how?!"
HAHHA.. that was our cab driver.. cause like me and andrew kept on asking stephen stuff.. and stephen wouldnt give a straight answer so we kept pressuring him! hahaha. and the cab driver was hilarious la.. like he was just sittign there listening to out nonsensical babbling and just smiling to himself and laughing.. haha. it was hilarious.. stephen.. i hope ur not suicidal ar..HAHA.

Prelims: chem practical
one word sums up todays chem prac: FUCK!!! im like dead.. i broke my measuring cylinder even before i started.. bad omen already.. i screwed up my experiment.. had to redo it.. and i think i got a lot of the questions wrong..like i said.. FUCK!!

Penitence
regret.. we do things we regret all the time.. sometimes u regret a little bit.. sometimes u regret a lot.. but someone once told me its better to regret doing sth than not having do that something at all.. true.. SOMETIMES!! haha. not always true though..
it was supposed to be about no regrets., but im like full of regrets now.. funny huh

in hockey, teams lose all the times.. no matter what. no matter who plays for them, no matter how good they are.. teams will lose. just some more than others.. its not possible to win every single game.. its like that in every sports.. its hard to take a loss.. you feel bitter, regretful, angry, dissappointed.. but its all part of sports.. you learn many life lessons in sports. i know ive learnt a lot from hockey. if someone hits you and steals the puck, you pick yourself up and haul ass to get it back. you dont sit on your ass and take your own sweet time to get back up and hope that your teamates played defence.. you missed a breakaway, who cares. you try again.. missing once does not mean that you'll miss again.. you will go through goal droughts. you will have moments where you just dont wanna play again.. everyone has those moments.. lifes like that.. it gives you situations and sees how you manage to deal with them.. it laughs in your face when you fail.. lifes weird like that.. you cant do much.. you just go with the flow.. weird eh..

so i had this msn conversation with this person.. cant mention that person..haha.. *cough cough*SOB SOB*cough*.. LOL!!!

___ says:
ok
___ says:
''vucker''
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
" ducker"
___ says:
no la
___ says:
i meant it to be fucker
___ says:
OOPS
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
i knwo
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
hahaha
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
OMGOSH!!
___ says:
HAHA
___ says:
sorry la
___ says:
fucker fucker fucker
___ says:
actually it feels kindda good!
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:

HAHAA
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
OMGOSH!!
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
what have u done with the real ___!!
___ says:
haha
___ says:
shutup la
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
haha
___ says:
k la
___ says:
i hafta sleep now la
___ says:
nites fucker!
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with says:
omgosh
___ says:
dont u dare say it back to me
___ says:
fucker

her msn nick is censored to protect her identity!! HAHAHA!! frikking hilarious la.. anyways.. today was ermmm..w ell.. lets not talk abt today.. instead.. lets talk abt tmr.. cause tmr has to be a happier day. so tmr ermmm.. ermmm.. cause "aaron carter is coming to singapore" and ermm starshine says shes gonna go for all her classes.. and ermm..oh yeah.. cause ive got a STARSHINE (:!! HAHHAHA!!! and tmr is a short day. school ends early.. and tmr im gonna eat prata!! YAY!! ok.. less sad and moping..more happy and smiling!! (: oh yeah.. this picture is DAMN FUNNY!! HAHHA!!

in american football.. after you score a touchdown, you get a choice, kill the ball from 5 yards out between the poles for 1 extra point or for 2 extra points, either pass or run the ball into the endzone from 10 yards.. in life you're always faced with many different situations.. lets say its a football game.. you scored a touchdown. 5 seconds left in the game, you're down one point. do you kick for overtime or take the risk and win it right then and there. another situation. 4 secondsleft in a basketball game.. 2 points down in game 7. winner takes all. do you take an easy 2 and go to overtime or take a risk and shoot a 3 for the win? calculated risks. coaches make these kind of decisions all the time..whether to risk it or play it safe. if the risk pays off, you're a hero. but if the risk fails, you're called stupid for taking an unnecessary gamble.. unnecessary gambles. tricky little things. these kind of decisions happen all the time in life. you're forced to choose, to make a decision. but the difference is that its your decision to live with.. so the coach makes the wrong call, he loses but he'll be back with another oppurtunity to win another game. in life,sometimes, you dont get that second chance. thats what makes it all the much harder or worse..s0 what happens if you mnake that wring decision.. theres no mulligans in life.. theres no next season.. you live with the decisions you make.. life is full of choices.. on whether to take unnecessary risks or not.only you can make that choice. people cant do it for you.. so make that choice.. and then pray to god it was the right one.

i know you're reading this,. im sorry. i didnt mean to suddenly just spring that on you.. we made a promise today.. and we;re gonna keep it k.. and i really hope you understand how much it took for me to do that.. i hope u read it.. call me after u do k

Love is a gamble, would you roll the dice with me?

so today was boring and shit.. usual crap.. oh yeah.. kristi adores me!! uh huh its true!! HAHA!! I KNEW IT!! KRISTI SWOONS OVER ME

kristi,: omg, marcus is talking to me now! !!
kristi,: SWOONS
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with:haha. ermm. yes
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with: i am talking to you
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with:don SWOON.... i always talk to u wad! HAHAHA
kristi,:hahah! YES ENG!
kristi,:omg, im swooning over you!!
kristi,:haha
And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with:haha. like duh. And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with:im so sorry kristi. my heart's with someone else!

HAHA!! I KNEW IT!! KRISTI SWOONS OVER ME!! like duh.. cause im the real thing.. no 11% discount!! HAHAHA

its 12 am.. tuition got postponed AGAIN! well this time i postponed it, so tmr 8am tuition.. urghh.. what a drag! yeah.. today was boring.. didnt really do much.. it was kinda depressing at times.. sigghhh..funny funny day.. had prata!! finally after like so long.. and char-maine was asking all these stupid questions.. "If you died tomorrow what would your last meal be?" "If you died tomorrow what would you do last?" HAHAHA.. omgosh. depressign questions la.. haha.. and kristi went on an "adventure" today!! LOL!! so like i said.. im bored.. so im doing this.. which i found on forgot whose blog.. thats how bored i am..haha.

01) What is ur phone type?- nokia 3250
02) What's the last 3 digits of your mobilenumber?- 086
03) What does the 2nd message in yourinbox say?:- "have you ever, almost doesnt count and afrodesiac.. THANKS MAR-CUS!"
04) Who's the last person who comes upunder the letter m?:mingrong
05) Who's the last person you rang?:- stephen
06) Who was your last missed call from?- kristi
07) Who's the 9th person who comes upunder i?- only iekka
08) What does the last message in your inbox say?:- "marcuseng! italy won! hahaha! bleh. yay!! - jumps."
09)Who's the 3rd person who comes up under A?- amanda
10) Go to your Sent Items ..what does the5th msg say?- "ok. ermm. have you ever.almost doesnt count. afrodisiac. full moon. maps radido story. station march."
11) Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?:- starshine (:
12) What is your network provider?:- singtel
13) How many messages are currently inyour inbox?:- 206
14) What do you have as yourbackground?:- sophia bush!
15) Who's the 2nd person who comes upunder D? :- Daryl
16) Who do you have on speed dial 3?:- nobody
17) If you're on Pay as you Go, how much creditdo you have?- ( not on it )18) Who's the first person who comes upunder C?:- Charmaine (:
19) How many bars of signal do youcurrently have?- its full
20) What do you have as your main ringtone?- fall out boy- a little less sixteen candles, a little more "touch me"

"The finest kind of friendship is between people who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it." yeah.. u don ask for my help but i give it to you anyways. cause im a friend. im your good friend. you don get it. .cause u dont know how much it hurts to help you sometimes.. seriously.. put yourself in my shoes. would you be able to do the things that im doing? would u? could u? friendship.. i do treasure our friendship.. it just helps to feel appreciated sometimes.. but whatever.. i will help u no matter how much it hurts and no matter what may happen. u;ll never know how much it hurts.

Friendship.. what does it really mean? what does it mean to be a friend. friends are there for each other.. friends cheer each other up. friends are well.. friends.. most importantly, friends help each other out. ask yourself this, what is the level of your friendship with someone. how far would go to help that person out? helping a friend out is easy. it really is. but would u help out your friend if by helping your friend out it hurts you at the sametime. as in.. you hurt yourself and maybe even screwing yourself up in the process, could you still help that friend out.,, would you? people see me as this like loud, obnoxious and rude guy who's just funny at times and not really good at anything else.. and it probably doesnt seem like it and people wont believe me but i've been in that situation. i helped out a friend no matter how painful it was for me. it tore my heart right out and yet i did whatever i could to help him out. does my friend appreciate it. probably. so rightfully i should feel good cause maybe for once im not doing something selfish and im thinking of other people first for a change. u know how people say u feel good about yourself when u do a good deed. well. its a lie.. theres no warm fuzzy feeling inside, i don feel proud of myself.. it hurts. it really does. if it hurts to help out a friend, would you still help him/her out?
your words were a dagger through my heart

Famous boxer Muhammad Ali once said, "He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." i've been talking a lot about risks these days.. dont know whyy.. or maybe i do. so risks. without them, no rewards. but with them, a constant worry that something might not go according to plan. someone told me to never live in regret cause regret is well, bad.. never ever regret doing sth or not doing sth for that matter. i mean, dont look back on sth a few years later and wondering what if. David Viscott was an American author and he had this to say about regret, "The worst thing that one can do is not try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized -- and never knowing." i guesss he's trying to say that if u want it, take a risk and try to get it. don spend time regretting and wondering what might have happened and never knowing for certain. gosh i am such a hypocrite.

today was.. ermm.. drama filled? i guess i flunked physics.. lit was alright.. cheer up kristi!! don think abt it too much k!! and cheer up kathi! its not ur fault! and get better charmaine! hope to see u tmr!! and get some rest mingrong! u need it! and thanks stephen.. for the talk.. i really needed it. so yeah. weird day today. went to starbucks with kim aft sch today. and ermm.. i need to do 3 essays by end august! yeah...

nothing depressing or happy today.. no random thoughts about life or anything. so today was okay.. physics was boring.. gonna flunk the test tmr ): .. then add math was alright. was watching one tree hill with kathi... im like addicted to one tree hill now.. season 3!! i think kathi's addicted too.. and like she was tearing up and got like damn emo la.. wth... haha. damn nice show.. then like we were watching and mr chen like asked me a question and i didnt even know cause i was engrossed with one tree hill and like he was just talking to me and asking me and i was just watching the screen till kristi like poked me and told me.. haha. ohhh.. like i was being kristi's legrest during addmath... wah lau.. damn heavy la kristi.. lol.. jkjk.. then she started drawing on her shoe.. and i left a quote..

the greatest rewards come from doing things you fear the most.
i love that quote!! from one tree hill!! its so true.. and as kristi says.. its so DEEP! lol
and mingrong was sick so she had to go home early.. rest well!! get well soon!! :] ohhh.. and charmaine has my black band.. she lost it but i think she found it.. hopefully.. haha.. anyways.. spent free period watching one tree hill with kathi. talked to kim for awhile.. PE was retarded so me andrew leroi stephen just left school and went BK to eat and talk. oh yeah.. like i went up to the hall this morning for assembly and like first thing kristi asks me this really out of the blue question and i was like "OMG kristi.. wat kind of question is that la.. way to start a monday morning with that kind of question!!" LOL!! hope ur alright now though pal!! (:

life is short. thats why i try to live life without ever regretting.. but thats impossible because we will always regret.. thats why theres such a thing.. if we could live a life without regret, "regret" would not be found in the dictionary.. but yeah. regretting's bad.. never do sth if u know ur gonna regret.. omgosh. i feel like such a hypocrite saying that.. but yeah. u wanna do sth. do it.. without regret. do ur best. and if u don get the resul u want.. well. suck it up. don regret doing it.. u learn from ur mistakes. another thing.. life is full of risks.. according to dictionary dot com, risk is: The possibility of suffering harm or loss; danger. yes.. possibility. cause when u do sth, theres always a possibility that sth might go wrong. so everything u do its a risk. every single thing u do, big or small, whether significant or not, has a risk. even everyday stuff u do is risky. u breath u risk breathing in germs. u swim u risk drowning, u eat u risk getting fat or choking. so why take risks? the answer.. for the reward. we don breathe, we die. we don eat, we die.. seems like a risk i;d be willing to take.. but how about more high risks.. as in like risking going on a date with someone. or taking a risk in telling a person u like them.. where do u draw the line and say "this is too risky, its not worth it" i think as long as the reward is worth it, im willing to take a risk. so ask yourself before u do sth big, "is the reward worth the risk?" omgosh.. i just heard this quote on one tree hill. and i was just blogging abt risks and rewards la.. haha.. the irony..
"the greatest rewards come from doing the things that you fear the most"

anyways.,. daryls birthday party.. HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY DARYL!! YOU'RE LEGAL NOW!! hahaha. so headed over to his house at like 5:30// his house is in like some wulu wulu part of spore.. lol.. ok. then like everyone else arrived and we ate dinner then went to the park for some fine with sparklers.. yeah i know we;re 16 but hey, sparklers are fun.. lol.. we like lit them up threw them and marcus shun and jonho filled a bottle with the gunpowder and lighted it up..damn cool la.. then headed back.. just chilled hung out talked.. it was good.. yup.. reached home at like 12:30.. ohh.. i love one tree hill.. im like addicted to it again.. shit..haha

it's funny.. no no.. is fucking hilarious..

anyways. simple question to anyone who reads this.. say you're in this situation/ theres option A and option B.. u ask all ur friends and they ALL tell you to do option A.. but u want to do option B.. what do you do? do you trust your friends and lsiten to em or trust your heart and do what you want? hmmm..

so the past 3 days have been.. well.. hell actually.. i've been sick.. real sick.. urgh.. i hate being sick.. so like tuesday. half day in school. national day celebrations. fashin show + dances.. daryl and kathi modelled for our class.. charmaine and mingrong designed the costumes and shit.. it didnt turn out that bad actually.. good job guys.


so like after that went to cine to watch movie with mingrong jonho andrew stephen leroi and alan.. yup.. then after movie we ate lunch and that was when i started to like not feel well.. but yeah. just shrugged it off then went to play lan with leroi stephen and andrew.. after lan.. i felt even worse so like decided to go home. like i felt so shitty on the mrt ride home.. gosh.. then at home. my brother had all his friends over so couldnt really sleep and i played basketball causee like.. sweat away the fever rite. but nope.. just made it worse.. and by seven.. it was like. fuck. time to sleep. so i took medicine.. slept till 10.. woke up.. took some herb thingamajig and went back to sleep.. woke up next morning at 10.. i slept like 15 hours la.. omg.. and like woke up went down take more medicine and i just sat there.. no energy to move or do anything. but went back up eventually.. slept somemore and like didnt really do anything the rest of the day..like just watched tv and shit..woke up this morning and like no fever but my head hurt like fuck.. as in damn painful la.. and like i cant stop coughing.. and like occasionaly my phglem is bloody.. yuck.. and like i'll just start breaking out in cold sweat.. omg..ok.. think thats it. now i have to do hw.. and my ead still hurts! urghh.. have i said how i hate being sick?

dude.. this is for u. you're a good friend and all but like sometimes i really wander what you're hiding.. seriously.. i know there are things u do have to hide but it sometimes feels like u hide everything.. there are many skeletons in your closet and take it from me, better in and out.. i mean u can tell us anything la.. we;re always there for u.. we don judge u for who you are or for what u do.. you're a really close friend and i tell u almost everything.. so why cant u do the same..its not goood to hide so much man. i mean. lying does catch up with u in the end so yeah. just think abt wat i said.. but hey. ur call. whatever you do.. u know we're always here for u aight.

lies.. everyone lies.. no matter what they seem like or who they are. everyone has lied and will lie.. there are different kind of lies though.there are white lies which are small lies that are meant to be polite and diplomatic and wont hurt anyone or change anything. then there are the lies that are hurtful and shit especially when the person finds out and stuff.. people say liars go to hell.. i disagree.. i mean. sometimes its necessary to lie.imagine a 3 year old kid's mom passes away.. the dad cant explain how that boys mom just died so has to come up with a lie to protect his son from the awful truth.. or like, when you dont want people to find out about some problems you have, you lie to them so they wont find out. people lie to prevent others from getting into trouble. parents lie to their children to prevent them from going astray.. these people wont go to hell. heck. lying isnt that bad unless it hurts people or causes bad things to happen.. but im not saying lying is good.. when you lie to people and people find out, they tend not to trust u anymore., the more u lie, the less people trust u. sometimes u tell so many lies u forgot what lie u told a person and that person finds out u've been lying.. imagine this.. you've been going out with someone and its like you guys' 6 months anniversary and you plan this really special date.. but last minute your significant other calls to cancel.. you start ranting on and on about how u planned so much and you're really angry until he/she tells u its cause his/her mother is sick so has to take are of her.. so u;ll feel real bad cause of course mom's health is more impt. fast forward a few weeks later and a friend asks u guy why no nig party or anything to celebrate the anniversary. your bf/gf tells ur friend its cause he/she had to study for some test!! hmm.. cinflicting stories.. so is it sick mom or big test.. lies do catch up with you eventually.. be careful what you lie about and who u lie to..it might just come back to bite u in the ass.

life isnt always what it seems. theres always something beneath the layer of superficialness that seems to be our everyday life. life is superficial. people all just want whats on the surface. good looks, good results, money, power. its quite sad actually.. no one really care whats on the inside of people and just judge on whats on the outside.. superficial.. what a sad sad world we all live and die in.

anyway.. im life fucking tired.. dono why.. but like my eyes are barely open and i just wanna sleep but like i have to do work for my mom which is fucking retarded considering i just finished my school homework.. urgghh,, unreasonable.. like i said. its a sad sad world we live in.. sighh

OMG I LOVE KATHI-LYN ONG SO DAMN MUCH! (: hahah.

anyway, cheer up marcus eng! you're always so sad in school. smile yeah? arh! school is damn boring today. we've got like 4 periods of mrs mok. gosh. how depressing. hahah just remember our POSE! hahaha.


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so like days are up and down.. and life is getting stranger and stranger and like ive got no answer as to why.. so anyways.. yesterday was ok.. like some english exam and like supposed to go PS but didnt in the end.. i was like really pissed but i guess that was my bad. and i shouldnt have over reacted.. sorry guys.. yeah. then like went to BK with kim. haha.. damn funny la.. you know im cooler than you rite.. you;re cooler than a loser which isnt much!! haha.. i was like micing ketchup with chilli and she was eating chilli even though she couldnt take the spiciness.. like really la.. LOSER!! hahha.. jkjk.. it was great though.. today was ok too i guess. finals of the dota competition aft sch.. damn exciting to watch la.. haha.. oh well.. i bored

its funny how life works sometimes.. like i donno.. it can be so great one moment and so fucked up the next.. seriously.. its like one moment you're happy and all and the next moment your world comes crashing down nad you're really sad and down.. life's like that i guess.. i mean. its funny.. life's a funny and complicated things.. you never know how it may work out for you and shit. so i guess yuo go with the flow. stephen told me that like life does suck at times, but u gotta just accept it and continue living it..you have to appreciate what you have and think that that are millions who are less fortunate and would do anything to live your life. and no stephen im not suicidal.. haha.. wtf.. yeah. funny thing this "life" thingamjig..

done with crying, done with moping,
done with sighing, now im hoping.

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

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