So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her

And I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me

you know how they say you should be happy with who you are and be contented with what you have.. its true.. like you shouldnt really wish you were somone else or anything cause u gotta be contented.. but like sometimes u cant help it, and you wish were someone else.. like u wish u were this particular person. and its not cause of looks or money.. its just sth else.. its what he gets from someone else in particular. or how someone else feels abt that particular person. am i making sense? i donno. sometimes i do wish i was someone else.. things would be so good.

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So, mesmerizing and so hypnotizing,
I am captivated

So clear
Like the diamond in your ear
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated,and so motivated

im hungry.. random yes i know. and im bored.. random again.. i cant wait for the 18th of November (: yup random.. i cant wait for the new year. i want to play hockey.. i need to eat something. my birthday is still really really far away. i hate that person. my one tree hill season 4 episode 5 is not loading on youtube. im gonna be so bored this whole week cause i got no school no papers.. bleah. some of my friends are really hilarious. others not so much.. i cant find this thing i did in america.. i really really want to find it for some reason i still dont know. im getting bored with the songs im listening to. i feel like going somewhere.. i have the urge to talk to someone on the phone. ANYONE would do. i just want my exams to be tmr so they'd end earlier.. there.. really random thoughts and desires for today

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

GET WELL SOON IPOD CHARGER PAL!! so i guess lit was ok.. i mean.. wasnt hard wasnt easy so yeah.. haha.. then after lit went to gleneagles hospital with jonho and nic to visit kristi. haha. yeah. it was hilarious..

bleah.. i dont know.. cause sometimes im at my wits ends.. and none of you really make it easy for me. but yeah.. i donno.. i do get where you guys are coming from.. i really do.. cause like if our roles were reversed.. i probably would feel the same way as you guys.. but i donno.. i just dont really get the whole replacement thing.. cause i swear to god its not true and it'll never be true.. so yeahl.. i love the both of you 2 bits and that'll never change alright.. (:

hmmmm... i donno.. urghh. bleah. crap. shit. fuck. i donno wat u think.. cause i dont understand you. i really dont.. but yeah.. i donno la.. its annoying sometimes.. urghh!! WHAT NOW!!!

(: ):

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

GET WELL SOON IPOD CHARGER PAL!! so i guess lit was ok.. i mean.. wasnt hard wasnt easy so yeah.. haha.. then after lit went to gleneagles hospital with jonho and nic to visit kristi. haha. yeah. it was hilarious..

bleah.. i dont know.. cause sometimes im at my wits ends.. and none of you really make it easy for me. but yeah.. i donno.. i do get where you guys are coming from.. i really do.. cause like if our roles were reversed.. i probably would feel the same way as you guys.. but i donno.. i just dont really get the whole replacement thing.. cause i swear to god its not true and it'll never be true.. so yeahl.. i love the both of you 2 bits and that'll never change alright.. (:

hmmmm... i donno.. urghh. bleah. crap. shit. fuck. i donno wat u think.. cause i dont understand you. i really dont.. but yeah.. i donno la.. its annoying sometimes.. urghh!! WHAT NOW!!!

(: ):

I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Say that we agree and then never change

Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down

I'm good to go and I'm going nowhere fast.
It could be worse I
could be taking you there with me.
I'm good to go
but it looks like I'm still on my own.

english was alright i guess.. fiinished in an hour.. but redid question 3 to make it longer.. physics practical tmr.. BOOOORRRIIINNGG!! but then again.. all of it is boring.. so yeah. anyways.. 22 more days till FREEDOM!! 22 more days till mass dota orgy, LOST + ??????? marathon, movie marathons, speech night.. exactly 1 month till prom.. wait fuck prom.. 1 more month till prom after party!! haha.. yeah. so yeah.. 22 more days.. oh. 5 more days till my next hockey match!! finally.. its been too long. .like almost a week now.. bleah. oh yeah. i was invited to go represent singapore in the mens division to play in bangkok.. like they;re there playing now.. DAMN YOU IGCSE!!! urghh.. anyways.. yeah

HMM!! i hope things like i donno.. dont change.. cause i'd kick myself real hard if they do. bleah. sorry!! but like it doesnt really matter. but i meant it.. deal aside.. i did meant it. and i'd probably have done it anyways.. like you know. just as friends.. doesnt mean anything yeah? but it doesnt matter now cause you have ----.. haa.. should've told me earlier la.. asswipe!! then i wouldnt have embarrased myself!! hahaha.. tsk tsk. and to think you wouldnt have told me if i didnt do it.. hahah. jkjk (:

i watched one tree hill season 4 episode 4!!! omg!! I LOVE ONE TREE HILL!! and no daryl. its not a girl show! haha.. and have i ever mentioned how Sophia Bush is effing hot!! omg!! DAMN HOT!! <3 (:

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with

stupid stupid stupid me.. urgh.. stupidity grips my soul.. bleah.. shit shit shit.. fuck fuck fuck..

ok.. yesterday was a really really stupid day. okok. stupid thing i did.. bleah.. urgh i wanna slap myself..

so yeah.. had this long phone conversation with char-maine.. haha.. and she agrees that i was VERY VERY STUPID!! sorry sis! haha. yes i should've consulted u first.. urgh.. but too late now i guess.. so yeah. she was damn funny la. and scary.. like yelling and screaming at me.. haha. oh well. haha.. sorry sis! so yeah. ok.. stupid of me i guess. but i donno.. im confused!! haha

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

ive got a sudden craving for that song.. yeah. anyways. i'm sick.. urghh.. i hate being sick. i feel so.. held back or something.. yeah.. friday was interesting.. cause a lot of things i heard got me thinking.. hmmm..yeah.. like "scarlett johansson" said "life doesnt always turn out the way you expect it to". yup.. life does have a funny way of giving u unexpected surprises.. good or bad..
if only you were my unexpected surprise.
"sometimes people leap because they think they can fly.. but then they start falling and falling and they wonder why they even leaped in the first place." i heard that in the movie "hitch".. its so true.. its like u leap and take the risk.. cause maybe u think its worth it and u'll do well or something good happens.. but most often than not, things dont work out the way you want them to, and things just screw up.. and you regret it and think to yourself "why the hell did i do that? why the fuck did i leap when i cant fly?" then later in the movie the guy says to her "you made me think i could fly.. you make me fly" AWWWWW!! oh yeah.. Eva Mendes is damn HOT!! haha

She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
"A joke of a romantic" or stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse" Vs. "no one should ever feel like.."

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by


So nicpua told me this once.. "people are not who they seem like.. people are not who they seem to be.. no matter how nice they seem,. or how they polite they may seem to be.. people arent who they seem to be." its true.. most of it is just a fascade.. then he asked me "so who are you really?" and i didnt know how to answer., cause in my opinion.. u cant tell people who u really are.. cause when u tell someone about yourself, thats just what you want people to think of you.. so its not real.. only your friends can really tell others what you're really like. cause they see through the fascade.. they see through the wall and know whats really inside.. nic was right.. cause the nicest people probably really arent.. oh well..

so history is finally over!! thank god!! my hand is numb.. stalin and hitler can now go rest in peace.. lol!! screw u history!! ok.. so yeah.. exam was ok i guess.. wasbt that bad.. but im sick!! damn cold.. urghhh..

so i just realised something.. of all the friends i have.. andrew's probably the most sensible one and says the smartest things.. damn u.. haha. idiot.. he makes his own theories and for some reason they seem right.. lol. idiot.. this time u arent k!! i hope. lol.

anyways.. today is kathi's and mine 9th happy day. like the 9th day we're both happy on the same day.. haha (:

the worlds unfair that way..bleah

here's a thought.. "fake friends are like shadows, they're right there next to you when its all nice and bright and sunny.. once things start to get darker, they're nowhere to be seen"
it makes you wonder doesnt it. who are your real friends.. and who are those who are just there along for the ride and will get off when the ride stops.. we all have friends.. many of them.. "friends" i should say.. cause you dont know who really is your friend.. you will find out eventually.. when you're in trouble.. or u need someone to talk to.. who's there for you? your friend.. your real friend.. not those "friends" who only seem to talk to you when there's no one else.. or those "friends" who are nice to you when they need something.,.or those "friends' who force you to do something even though you tell them you dont want to.. friends, the real ones, are there for you no matter what.

"sometimes its easy to feel that ur the only one in the world strugling, who's frustrated or unsatisfied, and barely getting by. that feeling is a lie..and if u just hold on and find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find u and make it all ok. cause we all need a little help sometimes. someone to help us hear the music in the world. to remind us that it wont always be this way.. that someone is out there.. and that someone will find you"
when you're feeling down.. and it seems like the whole world's against you.. there'll always be someone or something that will lead you out of the darkness you're in.. no matter what.. there'll always be that someone. if you're in trouble or something, its easy to just close up.. and shut yourself off from everyone else and jusdt mope around.. its wrong/.. cause your friends. they're all there for you. they all wanna help you.. if only you'd let them..dont close up.. open yourself up to your friends.. cause usually they';re the ones who'll help you out.,.

theres this song by the lostprophets.. "A town called Hypocrisy"

you know.. i find in particulary funny how much of a hyprocite you are.. you just contradict yourself and shit.. i mean.. its fucking stupid dont you think.. i mean.. you get pissed and yell at me for ________________.. then you go off and you yourself are ____________.. i mean, if u didnt get pissed at me for doing it in the first place then there'd be nothing wrong but this is fucking ridiculous.. and i mean.. you're doing it worse than me.. you had and have no fucking right to be pissed.. you know.. i even felt guilty about it the other time. and i felt real bad.. what a fucking idiot i must have been.. to think i almost lost a friend because of it..

im finally done with coursework!! THANK GOD!! ive been procrastinating and procrastinating. gosh.. but i finally finished it.. Today, i sat in front of my computer screen and typed for 4 hours!! and finally did it. so altogether it took me about 10 hours to do it.. urghh.. im done with hitler and stalin.. oh wait.. history exam wednesday.. oh well.. so bad news.. igcse exam starts wednesday.. good news, sooner it starts, sooner its over.. haha.. so yeah..

oh!!!! ive been watching one tree hill season 4 on youtube.. episodes 1 2 and 3!! OMG!! I LOVE ONE TREE HILL!! SOPHIA BUSH IS DAMN HOT!!! haha.. okok.. should be studying.

"sometimes its easy to feel that ur the only one in the world strugling, who's frustrated or unsatisfied, and barely getting by. that feeling is a lie..and if u just hold on and find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find u and make it all ok. cause we all need a little help sometimes. someone to help us hear the music in the world. to remind us that it wont always be this way.. that someone is out there.. and that someone will find you"
omg.. one tree hill!! haha.. someone find me then!! haha..

im enchanted, intoxicated.. what i want? only in dreams

Hello!! *waves at the ceiling* lol.. ok.. so sneaked out of school with mingrong and leroi. mingrong went vivo city i went library to study. met ong squared and we went to eat .. i think i grew taller!! HAHAHA!! ok.. then we went to popular so kristi could get her file and stupid card.. i still think u should've goten the other one! haha. then they took like 20 mins to buy pens. -_-' haha.. retarded i know.. and there were no like pieces of paper to test the pens on so we had to make do with what we had.. so back to the library where i did 10 chem mcq questions before falling asleep/ and then accompanied kathi back to school.. omg.. kathi made me walk in frikking cirlces cause she didnt know where to go. she was lost.. and she was whining non stop.. and i can actually imitate her whining now.. haha. so yeah. school. watched the concert with andrew jonho and iekka.. then my dad gave brian and andrew a lift home.. we were stuk in the car for like an hour and 15 mins cause of traffic.. but it was damn funny cause we were talking and shit.. like ive never talked to brian much before.. lol.. so yeah. now im gonna run for council next year! hahaha. oh yeah.. me kathi and kristi made a promise to have a movie marathon.. or a tv series marathon.. lost, one tree hill, OC!! haha.. and no kathi.. we;re not watching your stupid korean drama thingy.. HAHAHA

today was a horrible day.. like really.. it was sucky and really retarded and just frustrating at times. i got no work done.. i left my shirt in school.. i haven finished my coursework.. my plan A plan B just got thrown out of the window.. AND.. my hockey match tonight has been cancelled!! fuck.. was looking forward to it too.. urghh.. retarded.. bleah..

so i promised myself i would never fall back into that hole. and yet i find myself getting sucked back in.. like a vacuum and im the speck of dust..

so today i wasnt thinking real straight.. maybe my heart was thinking for me.. cause they say your brain tells you the right thing to do, your heart tells you what you really want. hmm. but like today.. i guess lapse of concentration... but fuck..

i slipped and i was oh so close to falling back into that hole but i think just in the nick of time i grabbed hold of something and hauled myself back to my feet.. the simple thing to do is to stay away from that hole but i cant.. and like i donno.. am i gonna fall in? am i even out of that hole? or am already barely holding on?

sorry ASSWIPE for being an asshole lately!! (:

you know whats funny? when people are fucking hypocrites.. they scold you for something and the next thing you know they;re the ones doing it..

you know.. it may not seem like it but it hurts when people say things like that.. im sorry if thats who i am and those are the kind of things i do. i donno why people just cant accept the fact that thats the kind of person i am.. wait.. actually people have accepted it.. and they're fine with it.. so idont understand why you guy dont understnad. of all people its you guys.. you know, everytime u guys go off on me for the same ol reason, it hurts.. you guys don realise it.. but it does.. and you think its funny when you say it but its actually not.. i mean seriously, think abt it.. you guys are scolding me for being myself and are basically telling me to not be myself and all. and to be someone else.. sigh.. but yeah.. it hurts when u guys say it you know.. u probably dont realise cause ive never said anything abt it before.. but yeah.. whatever.. if u want to continue saying it and u really want me to do as you guys say.. ill try. ill try

someone please smack me real hard and make me come to my senses before i fall and make a huge mistake.

so today after addmath, snuck out of school with mingrong charmiane cherie and ann.. yeah.. like through the drain. and it was their first time doing that so they were whining a lot.. and charmaine was like "OMG!! THATS YOUR WAY!! ITS SO DANGEROUS!! WE COULD'VE JUST ROLLED DOWN INTO THE DRAIN AND DIED!!!" HAHAHA. wth.. stupid freakface. haha. so met andrew and kathi at holland and we went lido. bought our tickets and ate at mos burger.. so yeah.. we were like sitting there eating and i found out sth.. andrew's madly in love with kathi and kathi's madly in love with andrew.. like i felt like such a bright lampost.. gosh.. like one year for now they'll be such and adorable and loving couple. lol.. they were like bickering like a married couple la. AWWWWWW!! so yeah.. watched you, me and dupree.. damn funy show la.. and kate hudson is like really pretty! haha. yeah. then after the movie, walked A LL AROUND ORCHARD ROAD IN THE SCORCHING SUN so kathi could find her stupid present for god knows who.. my life wasted away just like that.. haha.. jkjk.. so yeah. hockey tonight. yay!


KatHill!!! prom king and queen 2007!


AWWWWWWW!! andrew offering his gal a drink.. so sweet!! haha.. perfect for each other


andrew playing hard to get! "sometimes people play hard to get so that they'll know how the other person feels about them" HAHA!! i love one tree hill


gosh.those 2 absorbed in their own romantic world.. i felt so extra and bright!!


Kathi-lyn Hill-Ong!! LOL!!!

know how.. and like thank god i didnt have to in the end but i know sooner or later ill have to choose.. not just once.. sighh..

No. i cant and i wont

its been a really pissy pissy weekend for me.. like i donno.. it just is.. its leaving me in a really bad mood and i dont like it one bit... thank god for hockey tonight..

friday
i guess friday started this whole mood im in.. i donno.. friday did not start off rite.. seriously.. like early in school... well.. lets just say there were tears, lots of tears, lots of yelling, misunderstandings, more yelling, kicking, lots of anger and tension hung in the air.. i guess it was just i donno. misunderstandings and frustration all into one.. i donnno.. but along the way, i guess i kinda made my bestest pal cry... im sorry you!! i really am k.. i didnt mean. im sorry!! hope u forgive me! (: so yeah.. then me and nic snuck out of school to go library study with the twins kane sarina and marcus.. sneaking out of sch to go library and study.. how retarded rite. haha. so yeah. studied and ate at pastamania.. and along the way we kept making fun of sarina!! HAHA! cause she's a fish and she sleeps with her eyes open!! hahaha.. jk! then juncai came.. hah.. juncai is fucking hilarious.. like he was sitting there wtching us study then he like started drawing on his eyes with a marker. lol.

ok.. back to ranting..

so yesterday.. my dad was yelling at me.. for what? well.. he says i dont have any determination.. like i have no willpower.. that i dont think abt my future. that i dont worry abt my future. that i just live life day by day and just accepts what comes my way.. i dont fight for the things i want and that im never determined to do anything. that i do thing s half heartedly and dont have the determination and willpower to strive for what i want.. so ok.. my dad is one thing.. but there are actually people outside my parents who actually agree with what my dad thinks.. not just one but a few.. ok. so maybe i do lack determination at times.. i mean ok.. i dont study 24/7 like some people do.. and im not health conscious as a health nut. and like im not good as hockey as those div 1 people and my results arent good as some people in school and im not a obedient boy like others.. does that mean i dont have ANY determination.. i donno.. personally i dont think so.. so yeah. maybe i dont have as much determination and willpower as some people but to say i dont have any determination at all and to say that i dont think abt the future and i take life as it comes is a tad unfair.. i mean.. i am determined.. at times.. im determined to play hockey. or else would i be playing division 1? im determined to do well, even though i study less than the next person, i do study. and no matter what it seems or who i seem to be, i do tihnk abt the future.. do i worry abt whats gonna happen. all the time.. am i determined to mould my own future.. fuck yeah.. to all of you who think what my dad thinks, im gonna prove all of you wrong.. just wait and see

ok.. after writing all that.. ive been thinking.. ystd when he was yelling at me and bringing up all kinds of examples, i find it funny that he mades not so subtle references to other people.. no determination to study unlike a certain other eng teenager in the household who studies much more than i do.. not determined to do well unlike a certain other Eng teen who gets straight A's and gets accepted into dont know what the hell program.. no determined to stay healthy unlike the other Eng teen who's thin and healthy.. screwing up his life unlike the other Eng teenasger who sleeps at 11 wakes up early, doesnt waste his life away.. and most importantly, constantly dissappoints his parents unlike the other Eng teen who can do no wrong in my parents eyes and is a saint and etc etc etc and most importantly, not like me.. so yeah.. i guess my parents are already pinning their hopes on my brother cause as far as im concerned, im gonna fuck my own life up, die young or just end up in jail.. i guess my brother is better than me in every aspect of life.. its funny huh.. he's younger than me and my parents pray that i was like him.. i really do want to make my parents proud of me but nothing i do seems to compare to what the better Eng does.. if you ever read this mom and dad.. im sorry. i really am.. no sarcasm.. i swear.. i know im not the person you wished i was and im sorry for not being able to be who you guys want me to be .. and sorry for not being half as good as you guys are. i donnno.. i guess im sorry for being such a huge dissappointment in you guys' life..and well, im sorry for always dissappointing you..
my mom said sth to me once and i'll always remember that one sentence, "why do i have a son like you?" i donno mom.. im sorry

in poker, or texas hold-em specifically, u dont always get the cards you want.. sometimes u get dealt an unfair hand.. but u dont throw in the towel.. u wait till the other cards are dealt before deciding what to do. life's like that.. sometimes u get dealt an unfair hand, you get the short straw.. so waht do u do, like poker, u just wait for the rest of the cards to show, you wait till everything unfolds and then u decide what to do.. life's liike poker that way. also, like poker, bet big, high reward or high loss.. it goes both ways. u have to know when to risk it all or play it safe. and like poker, its never over till its over.. until the final card is dealt, u never know if u win or lose.. same in life, you dont know till the end whether its good or bad.. never give up.. hey. for all u know, that last card could be your royal flush.

cheer up you! (:

today was fun.. haha. well.. physics was horrible.. but stephen was hilarious.. but he pang sehed me in the afternoon.. bastard.. yeah.. then like during recess, 3 of us decided to just like just walk out of school cause add math sucks.. haha.. so me kristi and kathi just walked out the back gate.. like through the drain.. so me and kathi went to eat dessert at holland and kristi went off to do scandalous things with ng.. HAHA!! JK KRISTI!! so yeah.. then me and kathi went to PS to take neoprints but like the stupid store was closed.. and like these 3 girls kept staring at us.. and like stalking us!! HAHAHA!! they were either mesmerized by me or kathi.. i bet it was me.. i mean.. kathi. PLEASE! haha.. JK KATHI! so yeah.. then we went to the cathay and got tickets to watch stay alive.. the only reason that coward agreed to watch it was casueit was my turn to choose a movie cause she forced me to watch the banquet.. haha. then we went off to ben and jerries and shared some mix and match thingy.. haha.. YUM!!! I LOVE CHERRY GARCIA!! haha.. and we just talked and bonded! haha. then we wrote on napkins so they could hang it up on the wall.. lik we wrote "WE LOVE BEN AND JERRIES!!" and like kathi just spoilt it by writing stupid nonsense. haha.. oh yeah.. there was this fountain on the first floor and we both made really retarded wishes and we flipped coins from the thrid level.. haha.. OMG!! imagine if the wishes came true!! I'D DIE!! i know kathi wants hers to come true.. hers was a common wish probably shared by many others.. HAHA.. so yeah.. then we watched stay alive.. OMG!! it was a damn good movie!! but damn creepy.. and like kathi was like hiding under her tshirt listening to her ipod cause the scary noises creeped her out!! -_- . lame and coward= kathi.. haha.. but yeah.. it was a real good movie.. and plus............ SOPHIA BUSH WAS IN IT!! i mean like i didnt even know she acted in it.. then like she suddenly appeared and me and kathi went nuts!! HAHAHA!! I LOVE SOPHIA BUSH!! DAMN F**KING HOT!! sorry keira knightley.. i still love you though.. HAHA! but sophia bush died whihc was kinda sad but she died with a bang.. like her last words to the ghost woman before getting killed, "go fuck yourself bitch!" HAHAHA!! OMG!! DAMN COOL!! *Swoons*!! HAHA.. yeah.. then went back to holland.. and like went starbucks before kristi came and we went delifrance.. which was kinda retarded.. like time spent there was really retarded.. hahaha.. the things i do.. HAHAHA.. but yeah.. hockey at night.. only 1 goal.. damn..yeah.. oh well.. good day! (:


SOPHIA BUSH!! DAMN HOT!! OMG!! DAMN HOT!!

dont worry keira knightley.. i still love you!! took this at cathay.. retarded i know.. haha.. KEIRA KNIGHTLEY!! DAMN HOT TOO!

sometimes u tell the truth.. and people still dont believe you! HAHA!! you lucky that people dont trust me! HAH

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

My Life

follow me on Twitter

Plurk.com