"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there…because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else-something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize…you're happy " - one tree hill

you know.. monday really was a happy happy day.. like i really was a damn happy boy on monday.. and i thought.. hmm. 2007 has sucked so much maybe this is when my year starts.. like maybe things will start to look up.. but then tuesday came and suddenly BOOM!! happiness fades away and replaced by anger.. damn.. you seriously can ruin my perfectly good mood.. urghh.. someone told me not to let you affect me but i cant.. seriously.. i cant. cause everything you do just.. urghh. i dont even wanna talk abt it. and now cause of you theres this sore topic.. like everyones talking abt it.. but the moment i hear it i get fucking pissed.. urghh.. god i hate you.

OMFG!!! I'M FUCKING HAPPY!!! YES!! TODAY IS A REALLY REALLY HAPPY DAY!! UH HUH!!! WE NEED MORE DAYS LIKE TODAY!!! YESSSSS!!! OK!! MARCUS ENG IS A FUCKNG HAPPY BOY!!! (: (: (: (: (:

SO YEAH!! cause like theree were little things here and there made me smile and all. .haha. school was good!! like for once.. but get well char-maine!!! i missed you in physics today!! hahha.. (: yup.. holland after school with my pal and andrew!! haha.. damn funny la.. we had like really retarded and funny conversations!! haaha.. andd.. the greatest thing ever. FALL OUT BOY ARE COMING TO SINGAPORE!!! YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! AND I GOT TICKETS!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MARCUS ENG IS DAMNNNN HAPPYY!!! AND GETTING HAPPIER BY THE MINUTE!!! WHIEEEEEEEEEE!!!

schools been really really boring.. there are so many free periods nowadays that i have no idea what to do during those free periods... we've all been playing asshole taidi.. its like the latest craze.. like we just sit there and play for 2 hours non stop.. fun.. school aint what it used to be. thats for sure

went out for dinner with priss russell nic kathi kristi jerilyn and sweta yesterday.. james juncai jonho and shumei came after.. ate at spagedies... went for dessert at hong kong cafe.. haha. it was a fun night with friends.. but me and priss spent like frikking half and hour trying to get a damn cab home at midnight.. dysfunctional family outing tomorrow!!! haha

would you fight losing battles? if you knew you were gonna lose before something even started, would you start it? if you realised that you had no way to win and you could not only be thrashed but also humiliated and hurt along the way, what would you do? do you start and pray for the best? you're faced with options.. and sometimes people take the easy way out.. they dont even try. they realise that they will lose and so they take the easy way out by not even trying.. then there are those who will try their utmost best and even though they lose, they will look back and know that they at least tried their best.. and heck, miracles do happen.. who knows, you might just win

not every situation is the same though.. a few alterations here and there and suddenly its a whole new different ball game. but sometimes the principle stil remains the same. that the easy way out aint the way to go. sometimes in life we're faced with funny funny situations and we have no idea what to do and all.. sometimes we get a bit of guidance from someone.. sometimes we get a kick the ass.. sometimes we get a point in the right direction.. but ultimately its your decision.. you make your OWN decisions and no one should make them for you. no regrets.

inferiority.. hmmm.

life's miserable.. life's unfair.. good people get punished even though the bad people are obviously at fault. we just go through life trying to desperately to avoid trouble but it just finds you in the end. and you then try real hard to solve your problems but more problems follow so you never get a break. life's sad. it really is. people change so much you dont recognize them anymore. people leave and you never see them again.. people just drift and never talk. life's just this big unfair sad mess with little bits of happiness sprinkled here and there but never last long enough.. happiness doesnt laugh. no matter how happy you are.. something will bring you down soon enough.

why do people leave?

why do people change so much?

why do people drift apart?

judgement day has come and passed.. results came out yesterday and THANK GOD i did ok. i was fucking scared to like flunk and all.. 3 A's 3 B's 1 C.. i think i overachieved.. haha.

6f bbq last night. gosh i have not seen some of them for over 4 years and i still can recognize them. barbequed food, cards, truth or dare.. and i had to propose to a mama shop auntie as a dare. haha. yup. fun.

i did absolutely NOTHING today. woke up quite early but didnt really do anything. rollerbladed to cold storage to get mild but thats abt it.. read a bit. and i took a really long nap.. dinner.. liverpool beat chelsea.. fuck.. today was such an useless and unproductive day.. urghh..

with everyone doing relatively well, i guess a lot of people are gonna transfer schools.. already ive heard of people wanting to go independent or something.. well well well.. i guess everyones good results was a double edged sword huh.. no one cries cause of shit results.. but i predict tears soon enough for people leaving.. as if those who already left werent enough. i did say school was overcrowded.. but i didnt want the existing students to be the ones leaving. SIGH. its funny how happiness turns to sadness just like that..

time to make a decision fellas.. vote.. majority wins.

infatuation... foolish attraction

pick your poison. whatever option i choose, there's a consequence. and no matter what, someone will get hurt? sighhh.. what would you do? sometimes you have to make the right decision instead of the smart decision. sometimes you put other people's feelings in front of yours. sometimes its better to be hurt then to hurt someone. sometimes its better then to keep everything in no matter how stressed or how crap you feel. sometimes its better to shut the fuck up then get everything off your chest. sometimes its better to lie then tell the truth. and sometimes you have no idea which to choose. and yet we do have to make our decisions.. and sometimes no matter what, after those decisions, we will have regrets and second thoughts.

there really is no sun when you're around

all said and done,
this wont be fun.
make no mistake,
those smiles are fake.

and somehow someway, i find myself back at those crossroads. maybe its cause i made the wrong decision. heck, it wasnt even a decision. i didnt even get to choose.. it just sorta kinda happened. and like i dont mind what kinda sorta happened but i guess its not supposed to happen this way.. it has to be one of our terms i guess? so like yeah. time to face the music. someone's gonna get hurt. someone's tears are gonna flow. and either way.. im probably screwed..

school is a hundred times more boring than last year. seriously. even though last year we were cramming for igcse, classes were so interesting.. i think its the people.. seriously. in math today, it was so fucking boring. i was like tearing my hair out in boredom.. and i started thinking about last year's math lesons.. our yum seng's halfway through class.. or our standing on tables singing "top of the world".. omg.. i really miss 4y and last year// sighhh. went to coffeebean after school with charmaine and andrew.. it was fun. haha. long talk with andrew and stephen on the long bus ride home.. urghh.. 2007 fucking sucks..

a week into school.. if the week was signs of things to come.. well, ermm.. FUCK.. lets just say the beginning of 2007 hasnt been what i expected it to be.. where's the good start that was gonna dictate the rest of my year? where's the new start new beginning? urghh.. and school was supposed to be good this year.. and well. it aint.. its not that bad i guesss. but like the bad still outweighs the good.

good

• tons of free periods
• i still see all my bestfriends and stuff in school
• the existing students really make school never dull and exciting
• asshole taidi!!

bad

• school ends at 5:10. today cause of rain and bad traffic. i reached home close to 7:30. i leave the house before the sun really comes out and i reach home after it sets. omg. i dont see daylight at home la..
• so many people are gone!!! omgggg... i really miss everyone who left ar.. school is soo different now
• its been a week and i can feel the stress of IB already
• results are out in a week.. FUCK
• the teachers are soo serious with no sense of humour.
• im stuck in some random class with like no one!!! thank god for iekka.. LOL
• some new stupid rule that says you have to sit with your class during assemble.. wtf
• sooo strict now
• new DM. omg
• CAS
• NYAA
• this big reason that really just pisses me off
• everyones changing

so as u can see.. bad>good .. urghh. but today was fun. like if not for today.. the whole week would've been shit. urghh.. like after school there was like really heavy rain. so a bunch of us were sitting in the canteen wondering what to do. and like kathi and kristi wanted to go play in the rain. so like i was gonna trick kathi into going into the heavy rain alone when andrew pushed me in. bastard. haha. so like we were messing abt in the rain. i got drenched. then we decided to go holland. and it was still raining with only 2 umbrellas. haha. me nic andrew priss kathi kristi and jerilyn were walking in the damn rain splashing each other and shaking trees for water to fall. priss and nic and kristi jerilyn were sharing umbrellas.. i was using kathis sweater and she was using her tshirt as shelter. haha. and kristi and jerilyn were like screaming and screaming and screaming cause water was splashing all over them. and cars were right behind us and drivers got pissed cause we were such a pain in the ass. haha. like we were blocking the road running about splashing water. i can safely say that was the most fun ive had in a long time. haha. went to holland. met up with brian and we went to eat at the foodcourt.. gossiping and shit. an hour and a half busride home with brian andrew and priss was fun too.. loud and funny. HAHA

they say you never realise how much you miss something until its gone. well, i'm really missing 2006 right about now. i just want to turn back the clock. well. don wanna go through igcse again but i really liked 2006. it was so. uncomplicated? no headaches. and my head's been throbbing since this morning. and my back hurts. damn it. so the year hasn't really started out the way i planned it to. 2007 has not really had a good start. but i guess it can only go up from here. i hope. so first official day of school. "lessons" started. actually more like sitting in class as teachers ramble on and on abt the importance of ib and abt rules and blah blah blah. same thing in each class. repetetive. and boring. i mean, we're 16, not 6. i think we know we have to be punctual for class and to turn in work on time and blah blah blah. to cap things off, an hour and a half in the hall listening to the same ol crap, listening about action verbs when its supposed to be science lesson and filling up stupid forms and signing a damn contract. an hour and a half!!! i was just sitting there wondering if i could actually die of boredom. classes weren't all that interesting. just really stressed me out at the amount of crap we have to do before end of next year. come to think of it. 3 years straight of serious studying. then 2 years army. gosh when do we catch a break. sighh. i got quite ok classes. like i know people in all my classes so far. thank god. but none with priss. .haha. funny how we dont have a single class together. oh well. blame priss for choosing retarded subjects. ohh.. which reminds me.. a certain eng is damn happening now la.. LOL!!! SO COOL SIA!! what a way to start the year!! i bet good things are gonna happen!! LOL

oh oh oh!!! made new years resolutions with kristi and kathi during math,. put them in a box and then into my locker.. we're gonna open it up at the end of the year to see if we keep them. i had 24.. i hope to keep half. haha. SCANDALOUS!!!

eh andrew.. the greatest things in life come from doing things you fear the most. haha. so you better follow through man. you already agreed.. 5 weeks..

a new year in acs international.. well, 2 days in and i cant really say i'm all that excited. i mean during the hols, i was dying to get back to school and all but now its like, damn i miss sitting and rotting at home.. urgh. oh well. i mean, for one, a lot of people have left.. we have a new discipline master who seems to be a stick in the mud. new students which isnt really a bad thing except some seem really really serious about their work. tons of new teachers. i guess im biased against new teachers casue of last year. and i got stuck into this class with really no one else for company exept iekka. my form tutor seems nice though. but hopefully im gonna transfer to 5z by next week. yeah. boring boring 2 days. ib briefing where we just sat and wasted 6 hours of our lives just trying not to fall asleep. cca fair.. wtf. chapel.. wtf. oh well. lessons next week. dear god.

can a smile from a total stranger just make you smile to yourself? i realised it can

can laughs from someone you've never met before just totally make your day? hmm. seems like it

do smiles and laughs from random people make them not so random anymore? i guess we'll see

2007. a new year. time for a new start i guess. out with the old and in with the new. and like i met stephen just now and we were jsut talking for like an hour and a half.. deep depp conversation. LOL. but like. i really have to make a decision. sometimes we jsut wanna turn around and go back instead of choosing a new path. well i donno. take the new route. or go back and take the safe one. the greatest things in life come from doing thing you fear the most. so i was advised by stephen to take the new route. but sometimes it aint all that easy. yeah its the right thing to do but i donno.. sigh.. urgh. this is so frustrating and so mood ruining.. bleah. barely a day into the new year and big decisions need to be made already. oh. we had this conversation. what did we regret doing in 2006. like if we could go back and undo sth or change the way we did it.. what would we change. and its funny how i actually dont regret this thing i did. like at that time i really regreted it and was beating myself over it.. but now i think abt it.. i dont regret. if i ever went back to that moment. id still do it.. haha. funny how things work out in the end huh. like stephen said. "some good will come out of it". well. damn true. haha. i think 2006 was a year where i dont really regret doing anything big.. sure there was a few things here and there i really really regretted.. ermm. february 10th. may 28th. and other dates i cant remember. oh well. you learn from your mistakes right. haha.

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
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