sometimes we work so hard to get something. we do our outmost best and we try so hard to get it. and yet, someone else gets what we want in the end. if the person is better suited or tries harder than you than i guess its fair. but sometimes that person doesnt try as hard, doesnt want it as much as you and yet they get it instead of you. every single time they get it. and yet you're just left in the shadows grasping at whats left. the worlds so fucking unfair.

school was so boring but it was alright. match tomorrow agasint regent at regent. training today after school in the rain. playing in the rain is actually quite fun. there was this huge thunderstorm today. the sky just turned really really dark and it started raining and raining. i think pouring is more the word. it started flooding and all. very depressing.

everytime someone beats you to something. what do you do? you try even harder and you do as much as you can so that you can beat that person the next time. biut what if that person beats you every single time unfairly. like that person doesnt deserve to win. then what?

i got this off anna's blog

too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone,
too often we’re too stubborn to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”
too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts,
and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.

"the more we love someone, the more flaws that person has"
- a wise wise person! (:

today was really boring and didnt do anythign basically. but i still felt really really tired at the end of the day.. urghhh. cant wat for tmr and wednesday. cabbed home with annabelle.. bitched and emoed which is the norm on our extremely long cab rides home. today the cab driver took dont know what route and we were stuck in really bad traffic. oh wells. more time to emo. haha. it was good. bitched about anything under the sun. from school to people. to random things that i dont even know why we taked about. i guess in life, we need that one person who we can just talk and talk and talk non stop about life in general and the everyday problems we face. we all need an emo buddy! it was fun. i really love our smexy/sexay emo talks! (:

sometimes, words from a person just hurts and pains you and yet, you still wanna hear them. why?

sometimes in life there are people who get the things we want. the thing is, its right there in front of them and yet they choose not to do anythign about it. they dont reach out and grab it. they dont realise what a great thing they;ve got. i guess lifes unfair like that cause we want those things so much and yet other people who dont even want it get it instead. i guess life sucks that way.

jumior dance yesterday. dont really wanna elaborate on what happened. but it was annoying and stressful but hey, we managed to pull it off and we got a tidy bit of profit. and we aplyed soccer during the dance. like me zongxi mich sweta chloe nic joel and all. haha. it was really fun. walked to serene after with anna and junhung. 45 minutes!!! omg.. damn tiring. but it was fun. started singing and ranting and being emo and shit. went to macs and just sat there for like an hour plus then anna got tired so went home at like 3+. cabbed home with her. its been so long since our last emo talk!! went to the gym today with nat priss and cal. haha. funny.

i learnt in tok that someone famous once said that "happiness is for idiots". now that is really true. when we're happy and things are going our way, we dont really think carefully cause all we want is for our happiness to continue and all. so yeah. we dont realise that when we're so happy, it probably means that things are too good to be true. cause thats what happens most of the time, things are too good to be true. cause after a bout of happiness, something will fuck up, leaving you all sad and depressed

sometimes in life we have something right in front us, something right there and for some reason, we decide not to just reach out and grab it. like wtf. its right there in front of you and its something good, why not take it instead of just playing and toying. some people wished they had that thing right in front of them and would grab it in an instance. you decide to not treasure it and take it for granted. and it kinda sucks that no matter how you treat it its still right there in front of you. some people get everything

today was so damn boring.. siting in the same room for 3 hours while people talk is really really boring. this extended essay thing is gonna be a killer. i dont even know what im gonna write about!!!! looking forward to tomorrow though. so thats good. although theres a math test which i think im gonna flunk. but oh well. i guess life sucks that way.
i need a new phone!! i want the new razr!

sometimes change is good, other times its really bad. so when people change, is that a good thing or bad? i guess its a little of both.. sometimes people try to turn over a new leaf and become a better person. but why is it that there are people who change for a worse. maybe its because they dont realise they;ve changed. they change to fit in, to be more popular with people, or just to get someting they want. it kinda sucks how you thought you knew someone. and then they change so much that its even hard to talk to them nowadays. but life sucks shit happens. what can you do except pray they change back?

sometimes in life we feel really lonely, like we have no one to turn to and we think that no one understands us and we're left by ourselves. we feel all dejected and alone cause thats what it seems like. but you know what? there are people who know how we feel, there are people out there who understand us. there are people who have the ability to cheer us up in a heartbeat if only you;d just ask. no ones ever truly alone. there will always be that one person who'll be there for us when you need them.
cheer up!!!!!!! smile!

school today was alright. soccer training was good. i feel so damn exhausted but its good.. i really like tuesdays. really easy days with no really difficult tedious classes. oh. talked to mrs tan for like half an hour. she's like the best history teacher ever! and she gives really good advice. anyways. tomorrows a wednesday. i dont like wednesdays. junior dance this friday.

you know what? you are starting to get on my nerves. the whole world does not revolve around you.

sometimes you feel that you have to do your utmost best to grab someones attention and the sad thing is that they so willingly give it away to others who dont even want it.

maybe paranoia is sinking in

there are times when everything around you just starts crumbling down and you start to wonder where you're gonna find your strength from. what you're gonna lean on? whats gonna support you? and you realise that everything crumbles down no matter how strong the support or foundation is. nothings strong enough to withstand everything thrown at them. everything collapses eventually. the thing is, we always think that certain things have a really strong base or support when in actual fact, they're as fragile as the rest of us.

so like mr chew resigned! ): ok theres something really really wrong with our school now. its like getting more and more screwed up and its gonna get worse if it doesnt be careful. first mrs ashley whos like the best teacher ever and whos the most approachable teacher in school for any problems or advice left us for *cough cough* reasons. then now, mr chew, whos like the best vice principal in the world is now leaving us. omggggg!! WTFFFF IS GOING ON! the 2 nicest and most approachable teachers in our school are leaving. like seriously, you could go to the both of them for advice and tell them all your problems and they wouldnt judge you. omg. now who are we gonna turn to in our time of need. sighhhh. this is damn saddening. people always leave. counselling with mrs lee and mrs tan tomorrow.

hello fakeness. wow fakeness.. your falseness just make me laugh. your sugar coated lies just make me wanna chuckle. your facade is hilarious. your niceness to me is so fake and just really makes me wanna either laugh my head off or choke to death cause you think im gonna believe it. wow fakeness, you think you're really good and you'r all that with all your lies and facades. lets see who wins shall we fakeness (:

omggggg!! i miss my BB and my PAL SO FUCKING DAMN MUCHHHH!! PLEASE COME BACK!!! ):

someone WISE told me this. "people always smile just to cover up their real smiles".. now wouldnt that make all smiles fake?

sometimes i wished i didnt have to fight for your attention

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

ive never really looked forward to the end of a school week until today. im kinda relieved its a friday night. its been a busy and stressful last few days so im glad its all over although the stress is still there. this is really really random but you know what. im really thankful for my bestfriend. like i dont know why, but the last week ive been thinking about it and im so glad she's always there for me and i love how we can share EVERYTHING and can have totally have random conversations and tell each other stuff we dont tell anyone else. (:
so went for sushi buffet after school with sheryl priss and ellen.. OMGG!! IT WAS FRIKKING HILARIOUS! THE WHOLE 2 HOURS WE WERE THERE WE TALKED ABOUT ONE TOPIC AND WHAT A TOPIC IT WAS! HAHAHAHA! WTFF! WE WERE DAMN CRAZY I TELL YOU! AND LETS JUST SAY THE CONVERSATION WAS DAMN INTERESTING AND FUNNY AND NOW I HAVE A LOT OF BLACKMAIL OPPURTUNITIES! HAHAHA

we share secrets with our friends cause we trust them and we think that our secrets safe. how do you know who to trust? when does it become one friend too many that it no longer is a secret. sometimes we tell one too many people and suddenly the whole world knows about it. and you dont know whos the one that let it out. thats the thing about trust, you dont know who you can give it too. its good to get things off your chest, but at the expense of letting everyone know? maybe sometimes its good to keep things bottled in. who can you trust with your secrets. who wont turn around and stab you in the back? i count 1

sometimes you feel like you dont belong somewhere. sometimes you feel outta place. sometimes you feel that you gotta go someplace else.

its a no go. maybe sometimes its better to give up before you even give up? maybe then things would be easier

im tired. im exhausted. my leg hurts. i just wanna lie down and fall asleep and yet here i am.

i got a letter from david MANNON!(ITS ALL THE FUCKING SAME LA? hahha. it was so sweet and touching! HAHA! anyways, today was very anti climatic.. like i was really looking forward to today and was quite excited about it. but then the thing is, the higher our hopes, the farther we fall. so yeah. rather ok day which didnt really live up to my expectations for one reason for another. i reached home at like 8:45. so damn late. then i taught nat math. i feel so accomplished!

so like i found out a bunch of stuff that kinda made me laugh my balls off when i would've been pissed. maybe i should've expected it. maybe i shouldnt be so stupid. oh well.

omg. fucking stupid i tell you. its like playing and toying around with each other. i wonder if any of you know what each other is doing. if not, then you guys are really really sad. if you do then, wow. wtf. i dont know what to say.

everyday we try to differentiate whats real and whats fake. we try to protect ourselves and be prepared ourselves. but how do we know whats real whats fake. if you think about it, everything that we see is jsut what people want us to believe. how we do know its real? i guess we dont. i guess we believe what we wanna believe. we trust in people and we trust in the things they say or show. i guess real is what we believe in. or who we believe in. but the thing is, if someone has let us down, how do we believe in them all over again?

Everybody's gonna love today,
Gonna love today, gonna love today.
Everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today.
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,
Love love me, love love me, love love.

I've been crying for so long,
Fighting tears just to carry on,
But now, but now, it's gone away.

love today by mika is a very happy jumpy song that makes you smile and laugh and wanna dance! hahaha.

so anyways today was ok i guess. never thought i'd say this but free periods are getting more and more boring each week. theres like seriously nothing to do!! anyhow, i think im addicted to playing soccer which i dont think is at all a bad thing. match tomorrow. char-maine was being her usual retarded self today. i sat with her during lunch for the first time in a long time. haha. hilarious! my bestfriend is the best i tell you! today seemed really quiet and kinda draggy. i guess everyone was still tired from the really long weekend. i know mich was still dreaming of hongkong and her shoppping!! WE MUST GET A NEW BOAT, BOAT BUDDY! haha (:
quotes from todays council for junhung cause he missed council
"WE COME IN PEACE BRING US TO YOUR LEADER!"
"AOB: DUNCAN! LETS KICK HIM OUT!"
"I SAY WE QUARANTINE BRIAN! TIE HIM UP!"
"i have short stubby arms!"
"OMG NO! FUCK YOUR PREFECTS!"
"NICHOLASSSSSS!! GO WITH ME TO PROMMMM!!"
and then ananya was being lesbian and started stroking anna. HAHA! i know. WTF!! but you were missed junhung!! haha. AND OMG! I MISS SIA BING XI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ):

sometimes we gotta look for and believe in the good of people. sometimes people are a bitch to us and shit but i guess sometimes we still gotta be nice to them and help them if they turn to us for help. forgive those that tresspass agaisnt us right? we should be there for those that wronged us cause we can. and its the right thing to do.

you know sometimes we try so hard to be happy and we want things to be perfect really badly. and its cause of that that the little things seem to affect us and piss us off or make us sad. cause we want perfection and we cant get it so we get pissed. someone quite wise once said "when you dont try so hard to be happy, it comes naturally (: "
maybe its true. i guess we gotta let things be and just be patient and the happy moments will come. and then we'll savour them and realise that maybe life aint so bad all the time.

ok. there. to all you people who complain about my sad depressing blog. ITS NOTT! but heres a happy post. cause i was happy today. i dont know why also. haha.

cause im mr brightside (:

liar liar
it takes one to know one

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOON AND JUNHUNG! HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF!

wow. it seems like a lot of people have birthdays around national day. hmm. oh wells. movie marathon was good. the movies werent as bad as last time. company as always, was great. i really love my cousins. we can talk about lots of random nonsense. be damn retarded. and be damn pigs. haha. must be an eng thing la. haha.

my minds like a blank now. i donno what to blog about. i need a muse to inspire me!

its really funny how people never listen to you. like how you tell people sth. maybe its your gut feeling abt sth. maybe you're just warning them. and yet people never seem to believe you. maybe its cause they dont want to believe the things you say. and then after a period of time. they see that you were actually right and they got hurt cause they didnt listen to you. sometimes you wished people listened to you. sometimes you wish people heeded your advice. sometimes you wished ppl werent so stubborn. sometimes you struggle to not say "i told you so"

2 favourites. 2 different kinds of sweet. nice sweet or funny sweet?

hello there the angel from my nightmare

so on tuesday we had a soccer match which we lost 4-3. and then sleepover in school was really fun. played soccer in the hall with a bunch of people. played cards and just sat around and talked and hung out while waiting for 4:30 am to come about so we could go to the stadium at that ungodly hour so we could start decorating the stadium. it was really really stupid and retarded and we were so tired and shit. at like 6:30 am while waiting for the macdonalds to arrive, ananya and i sat at the entrance and we did this peace sign with 4 fingers. i think its from start trek. and we said to people streaming in, "we come in peace. take us to your leader." we did that non stop for like the whole entire morning. haha. sleep deprivation does that to you. the whole celebration thing was CRAP and a complete and utter WASTE OF TIME!! omg..i almost died of boredom and from the damn sun. went to vivo for lunch with tabby chloe and priss at carls junior. then sheryl came and shopped for awhile. went on home. movie marathon at night. oh. identity is a really really good movie. its shocking and thrilling! nad damn surprising! see no evil is good too! calvins birthday today. his friends came over. omfg, i felt liek a damn slave. stupid brother of mine. then me nat and priss were walking around the park with chocolate nad singing stupid songs really loudly. i guess the last 2-3 werent that bad.

the movie "identity" made me think. what if there were no such things as coincidences. what if everything was already planned out and we're just following a path that has been set for each of us?

while we were walking, priss commented that there were no stars out tonight. the sky was just empty and black. i guess sometimes life is like that. really dark and empty. it makes us feel empty and lonely and we feel lost cause we dont know what to do. sometimes we're just waiting for that something or that someone to just shine brightly to give us hope or just show us the way. sometimes we find our stars in that big vast empty place of life. sometimes we just find more darkness

what if everything happened for a reason? what if you were always meant to do something?

i dont want to

the one who always knows the right words to say

and then theres the one who makes me laugh and makes me feel really comfortable

a lot of things can happen in 30 minutes. in that time, you could play half a hockey match, you can watch about one third of a movie, you can run 4 km, you can make a friend. in that time period, you can get home from school, you can cook up a meal for yourself, you can write a bunch of stuff. in 30 minutes, you can have a conversation with a friend. in those 30 minutes, your life could take a dramatic turn for the worse. 30 minutes could shape your future. scary aint it.

school was alright. gonna sleep over tmr night. i hope it'll fun. council was hilarious. it didnt even seem like a proper council meeting at all which was good i guess. its gonna be a long long weekend. and i dont really like weekends actually. really boring with nothing to do.

sometimes we dont treasure things enough. we only realise how much something means to us until its gone. we only start to treasure it when we've lost it. and then suddenly its too late to get it back cause some things are forever gone and lost once you've lost it. somethings we get second chances sometimes we dont. some things we cant take that risk. people always leave. i guess sometimes we just gotta do our best to hold on to them.
thank you. thank you for everything. im really damn grateful and thankful for you. you're seriously the best. i really hope you never leave. (:

sometimes all we need is for someone to do something bad to us to make us finally see the light and allow us to finally think straight. sometimes we just need a kick in the backside so we can finally make the right decisions.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARYL YEAP BENG SENG!!!
went to ikea to eat with nic and joshua. then went to queensway and met thanaphon. got my soccer stuff then went to nics house while waiting for eunice to pick us up then bring us to daryl's place.. it was fun! nostalgia.... the old si Y gang reunited making fun of alan non stop. omg. i really really miss last year. 2007 sucks! went to eat at the prata house. saw amanda there. talked to her for awhile. wow. talk about a small world.

the wall of my backyard collapsed. like it just fell. i guess its a sign. that shit happens and it can happen all of a sudden without any warning whatsoever. its a sign that everything falls down. eventually, everything comes crumbling down. no matter how strong the base or how strong the foundation, everything comes down in the end. we all fall down, its just a matter of how we pick yourself up. but the thing is, why pick ourselves up just to fall down all over again?

today i felt so frustrated and pissed and i just felt like kicking something and screaming my lungs out at someone. well i did play soccer for awhile so that helped. photo taking was very annoying which kinda made my mood worsen. ogl auditions for the delegates didnt really help. but dinner with priss shumei chloe and kui helped. and dinner was good and FREE at hogbreaths so yeah. but fuck man. i was so fucking pissed its not even funny

i guess kui is right. manipulated is the word. stupid and foolish describe me best. fucking pissed and frustrated is how i feel. fuck

half the smiles you see on people's faces are fake. smiles are just something we put on our faces to cover up the things that we dont want others to see. smiles that hide all the pain and anguish we feel. smiles that hide the scheming and manipulativeness. smiles that try to convince others that we're fine.
i put a smile on my face so that you wouldnt know how much you hurt me

oh damn. how priss, how?

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

My Life

follow me on Twitter

Plurk.com