council results announced today.. hmmm. i honestly dont know what to say. i have a weird feeling about this years council, but then again, not my pasar anymore. so last council meeting with just us.. but like only 7 of us so it was kinda gay/. oh well.. its kinda sad how council is ending already. but all good things have to come to an end i guess.

hockey semi final first leg later tonight.. hmmmm

and it all seemed all fine and dandy for awhile. i guess it was my wishful thinking

you're cold

i dont think i actually trust you. i guess i should never have in the first place.

we all lie, thats a given fact. but sometimes it goes overboard. sometimes it just hurts when you know you're being lied to.
liar

why do we put so much faith in some people who do nothing but let us down?

take take take all my time all my company,
take everything from me.
fake fake fake all these things that you say to me,
nothing that i want to believe.

frustration is just boiling up inside me. and i don't know how to make it all away.

we lost AGAIN. i hate myself. i hate my team. i'm so tired of it all

i feel stupid, naive and used.
i feel gullible, cheated and lied to.
i feel frustrated, angry and hopelessness.

OMG OMG OMG OMG! WE DREW 2-2 WITH RJC! YES THATS RAFFLES JUNIOR COLLEGE, THE DEFENDING CHAMPIONS! so i know a draw isn't as glamorous as a win, BUT, a draw with RJC is like a win to us. we played hard, we played as a team. and god it was worth it! :D

council speeches today. hmmmmm.. nostalgia.. it was i dont know.. oh wells

what are you trying to prove?

oh pretty pretty pretty

soccer training was sooooooo damn tiring. i was so exhausted, i literally almost collapsed on the field.

al the stupid campaign posters people are putting up now is brining back memories of last year. ahh. the good ol days. nostalgia. but oh wells. no point dwelling on the past. might as well focus on the present and work towards the future.

the school week has come to an end. its been a really really weird week. i dont know exaxtly what and why, but it has been really odd and different in a way. hmm..

cara dulce, pelo chino, bolsa roja

you caught my eye

i just read like all my blog posts from this year, (yes i know, there are better things to do).. its so weird how like in about 12 days time, a quarter of the year would have passed.. like right now, about 20% of 2008 has passed already. holy crap. time really flies, even when you;'re not having fun. 6am training tomorrow. urghhh. but i guess its all gonna be worth it. i cant wait for march to pass. i cnat wait for end april. its like everytime we wish for a day to come faster, and when that day comes, it always passes by so fast, and you never seem to get to enjoy it.

No one ever had much nice to say
I think they never liked you anyway

fake friends are like shadows. always there next to you when its all bright and sunny. but never there when things start to get dark and gloomy. you're the biggest shadow ever

Take, take, take, all my time, all my company
Take everything from me
Fake, fake, fake all these things that you say to me
Nothing that I want to believe
I think the time has come to set it straight
I need to change this frequency'
Cause everyone just says the same old thing to me

the greatest things in life come from doing things you fear the most. but then again, the moment you do them, your greatest fear comes true

isn't it funny how someone could mean the world to you?
isn't it funnier how that same person could bring your world come crashing down?

still. fleeting glances. WHY WHY WHY? URGH

its been a really anger filled and frustrating last 2 days. and i hate it. i hate being frustrated. one of the worst feelings ever.

i'm tired and i'm exhausted





i'm sorry bro! ):

omg. THANK YOU ANG JUNHUNG!! junhung made me one of the sweetest things that i've ever gotten in my life!! omg omg omg. it was damn damn sweet!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH JUNHUNG!!! I REALLY REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT!! :D :D :D :D

and im finally done with my math portfolio!! omg it took me FOREVER to do it! oh wells.

and its a day late but..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT!!!!! HAPPY SWEET 16!!! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF!! :D :D :D :D

hmmm/ school started up again. i wonder how things are gonna be now? i guess we'll just wait and see.

suffering the world's injustice

sometimes you squint and squint to look far and to see what you want. isn't it funny how the moment you see it, you just want to turn and look away

i was watching van wilder that day. and holy shit. SOPHIA BUSH was in it!! let me just say that sophia bush is like the hottest person on earth!

its nats birthday on sunday!! quite cool how my cousin has a birthday so close to mine. i love my cousins! we didnt get to have our movie marathon this holiday!! ):
on a separate note. people should read priss' blog nowadays. very very interesting. priss! people who step on us ENG'S will go down to chinatown!! :D :D someones gonna fall soon!! i wanna be there to watch!

i'm like a backup. i'm like your contingency plan.

over the last few days, i dont know why, but i've felt so angry or frustrated all added up together. like just so pissed and annoyed at many different things. i hate this feeling. and last night i had this dream, and in this dream, i was sooo angry and soo frustrated it wasnt even funny. weird huh

Her eyes are open like a book
Her fingers stroke her hair to look
A moment feels so out of place
This will left standing in disgrace
Paint your fingernails at night
Style you hair in the bathroom light
Hatred never looked this good
Whoever thought it could

I know something isn't right
Don't be fooled my friends aside
'cause I see nothing in those eyes
All said and done
This won't be fun
Make no mistake
Those smiles are fake

sorry. BINGXI got me a PIGGY BANK! not a pencil case! and thank you CHLOE PARK INYOUNG for making the OVERSEAS call to wish me!! haha! thank you yeboah! hurry come back! thank you MICH! you were the last to wish me!!

so on monday.. i played in the greatest comeback of my life! niceeeeee
i cant wait for the holidays to end. i dont really like holidays. cause its so mundane with nothing to do. wake up late. breakfast. rot. lunch. rot. do work. rot. dinner. rot. attempt to do more work. rot. very very boring.

i attempted my extended essay. FINALLY!! i should've started many many months ago!! so yeah. i plan to have at least 700 words by tonight. and 4000 words by sunday!! :D :D my topic is "to what extent does social influence have on suicidal teenagers" and its kinda depressing reading about people killing themselves and all. even more depressing reading about people who try to kill themselves but fail and then end up disabled or with brain damage.

"One eighty-three-year-old woman obtained an insufficient number of pills and lost consciousness but did not die; her daughter ended up smothering her with a plastic bag"
very very tragic

i kinda miss OBS. cause at obs, you're with you friends, and its a new adventure. and all you really really think about is how tired you are, whens the next break, whens the next activity, whens lunch or dinner, how gross you feel, whens your next shower. you dont really think about anything outside obs for 4 days. and its liberating cause you feel more carefree. its like the only things that actually trouble you is the mosquitoes and the hiking and the lack of food. i miss obs. or to be more exact, i miss not having to think about all of this

the pass few days have been kinda strange. cause suddenly it seems like you're a totally different person. and it's like, i dont know which ones the real you. i want to be nice back, but the thing is, i dont want to regret it. i dont wanna be played. is this some game to you? who's the real you?

I'm sure I've seen this look before
Done a thousand times and a million more
How many lies did you tell this time?
How many times did you cross the line?
It won't help me but I have to ask
Is there something real that's behind the mask?
Something true we don't know about?
A little faith in amongst the doubt

in the time that you took to read this post, roughly about 4 people have committed suicide somewhere in the world. scary isn't it

its 8:33pm and sadly my birthday is almost over. but its been fun and enjoyable. spent playing soccer and then lunch and hanging out with my closest and most cherished friends, EXCEPT THOSE WHO ARE OVERSEAS! *COUGHCOUGH*JOSHUAMICH*COUGHCOUGH*

so i wanna thank all those who wished me happy birthday, whether it was a few days ago, or right on the dot at midnight. whether it was face to face, or on msn sms facebook or friendster. i wanna thank all of you cause you guys made my day! (: so in no particular order char-maine mingrong eileen calvin kathi kristi dulcena denise tara sheryl woon joshua lian james clarisse joy natasha nicolette leanne annabelle katerina nigel nic jerome waikit pattrick alison junhung tabby shunyi steph nat briantoh jonho georgina audrey kaixiang rachel lesley jonwong zongye kwong chris shumei chang johnny bingxi sweta andrew kui priss dulcena victoria. THANK ALL OF YOU GUYS SOO MUCH! and im really really sorry if i missed out anyone!

thank you chang for the cake on spring dance! thank you clarisse joy and nicolette for the balloon! thank you leanne natasha for the stuffed animal! thank you alison for the cake today! thank you denise for the muffins! thank you johnny shumei for the socks! thank you kui for the ball! thank you sheryl lian andrew for the t shirt and macaroons! thank you pris sweta for the wallet! thank you char-maine for the pencil case and pens! BRO! i really really needed those!! thank you bingxi for the pencil case!

thank you char-maine chang sheryl shumei johnny sweta priss lian andrew kui and bingxi for the great company during lunch, you guys made my day really really special! (: and thanks for the flaming lambourghini! :D :D i love you guys

i guess i'm 18 now. a whole new door has been unlocked!

do my words really hurt you that much? do they really make you ponder your actions? do they make you hesitate on your words?

i wnat to know the real you? not the you i've been getting to know? i want to know whats deep inside, not whats on the surface. who are you? what do you want from me?

people are starting to talk. and like priss said, if 4 random people can say the same thing, it makes you wonder huh

sighh.. i can't. i want to, but i can't seem to.

its my birthday today! (: finally 18. the key to a lot of things! lunch later! cant wait :D

today is sunday march 9th. tomorrow is my birthday (:

so the hockey tournament is over. we lost all 4 matches. damn it

friday was spring dance.. i dont really know how to describe it really. setting up was long and tiring. it took us 3+ hours to decorate the hall and to get everything organised and in place. im still wondering whether it was still worth it or not. at least it was kinda fun. tiring yes, but funny and fun at the same time. MARCUS' CHICAS!!! :D :D :D lots of wastage of coloured duct tape and eating food and trying to wax each other. fun. which reminds me, i got my first few birthday presents! :D :D
clarisse joy and nicolette got me this cute birthday balloon. leanne and natasha got me this stuffed toy. then halfway through the night, chang surprised me with a cake! :D thank you guys so much!! i really appreciated it!! you guys dont know how much better my night was thanks to you guys.

so i guess i didnt really enjoy spring dance like i should've. i didnt see the dance. i didnt really see the bands. but oh wells. a million thoughts were running through my mind that night. frustration. anger. sadness. dissappointment. envy. longing. like a million thoughts running through my mind. and all i want is a seave to filter things out and sort out all my thoughts so i'd know what to do and what to feel.

sometimes people tell us different things. sometimes different people tell us different things. that is why its hard to know whats the truth and whats a lie. cause you know what to believe or you dont know who to believe.

you think you know someone, but then that person turns out to be someone totally different from who you thought he/she was. and it saddens you cause you were proven totally wrong. why do we believe in the best of people, if all they do is let us down

i'm tired. i'm exhausted. i'm broken. i'm confused. i'm sad. i'm disappointed. i'm sick. i'm lost. i give up.

you win

you put yourself on a pedestal
you're so high up you can't see the ground below.
but you don't belong there.

you think you're above everyone else now.
you think you're better than some of us.
you think you're so popular now and that you have so many friends.
you think you're the bomb now.
but be careful, soon you might just fall

im sooo tired. i reached home at 2 30am last night. slept at 5am cause i was doing tok presentation. then in the end, toyne's computer wasnt working so we didn't have to do it. haha. waste of time!!!! oh wells. singapore hockey tournament starting tomorrow. inter house games on friday. spring dance on friday. MY BIRTHDAY ON MONDAY!! :D :D :D

i dont know what you want?

wow. it's like you're climbing up the social ladder. slowly but surely. so who's gonna be there when you fall?

i guess i was just your stepping stone

dilemma

sometimes we do things that at that moment of time, seemed like a really clever or smart thing to do. but after awhile, you look back at what you did, and you wonder to yourself, "what the hell was i thinking?"

right before the twins left, we wrote our new years resolutions for 2008. a lil late yes. but they do say better late than never. one of the things that my BB, PAL and I have always told ourselves, is that no matter what we do, or how we do it, we'd have no regrets whatsoever. no regrets in what we do. thats kinda like our motto.. well guys, im really sorry i let you guys down. it seems like i already broke a resolution. cause i regret it.. i really really do.. sighh.

today seemed like a really broken day.. a day that seemed really weird and really broken. like it wasnt complete and like something was missing. ok. im not really making any sense.

i always say people always leave. and yet it shocks me every single time someone leaves. whether its them literally leaving, or you guys drift or it seems like a person has changed and you barely recognize them anymore.

i feel like we've drifted. and its scary how we kinda drifted in such a short period of time with no warning whatsoever. maybe you dont feel that we've drifted, i guess everything seems fine to you. but its easier for me to notice than you. i dont know. i guess its really sad that we've drifted. but i cant really blame you i guess. i wish things would go back to the way they were before. but like, i guess thats not gonna happen. oh wells. as long as youre happy, i'm happy for you

i dont know what you want. its like youre playing some game. and im the game. and im not gonna be the stupid one that just goes along.

so its already march.. the 2nd of march to be exact. and you know what that means? 8 MORE DAYS TILL MY BIRTHDAY!! :D :D :D *HINTHINTHINT*

so anyways it was a boring boring boring weekend. whats new right?

one more week till term 1's over. holy crap

wo fang qi
what do you want?

Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause
a long shot, don't even take this bet

You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights
Get all the sighs and the moans just right

I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

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