the future freaks me out

i'd rather waste my time with you

Betty can't quit carving question marks in my wrist
How come we're so alone
We waste away the days with nicotine and television samples
From an era we hate to admit we embrace
We fail to represent
We fail to be content
We fail at everything we ever even try to attempt
And so the story goes
As only Betty knows
It's time to take control

yesterday was a good day. went to watch NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN and contrary to what sheryl joshua and woon say, IT WAS A GOOD MOVIE! i think this is like the first good movie with no hot actresses!! :D it was full of action and suspense with the right amount of sadness and determination and love! HAHA i'm like writing a movie review. like honestly, its really really good and i really enjoyed it! :D it leaves you with his warm fuzzy feeling inside. so thank you sheryl woon joshua and priss for watching it with me! i really appreciate it! so after one good day, its back to the boring routine of doing absolutely nothing and just rotting away with boredom. oh well. you can't have 2 good days in a row can you?

today i went to tanjong katong complex to accompany sheryl to get her violin case. holy crap, thats like one of the most wulu places ive been to. its literally in the middle of nowhere. then we went to suntec where we had carls junior for lunch. omgggg. sheryl was asking the guy at the counted which burger was the least fattening -_- so we ate and we sat there and just talked. and somehow we lost track of time and it was 5pm. NARNIA tomorrow! :D

the thing about the holidays is that it gives you a lot of free time. and the thing about lots of free time is that it makes you think a lot about different things. and i did. i thought a lot about stuff
you know everytime i think about it but only now i start to really really think about it and its like, i realised, we're not really good friends are we. but you see the thing is, i treat you like a good friend, but you don't. i tell you things and i want you to keep them secret cause you know, thats what friends let alone good friends do. but well, you tell other people, yeah they're my friends too but doesnt mean that i want them to know. you tell others, you make things so damn obvious, you joke about it thinking its funny. i keep telling you stuff cause i think i can trust you but i must be stupid. i tell you things cause i consider you my good friend but hey you dont consider me a good friend. you dont really tell me things but you know what, i cant be bothered to give a damn anymore. you only tell me things when im the only one that can help you out and shit. you come find me when you need me to bail you out. and admit it, i've saved your ass countless times but nope, no appreciation whatsoever. i'm not even your backup friend, i'm like your frikking backup backup backup friend. so you know what, i'm done bailing you out. i'm done with you treating me like crap. i'm done with you thinking that you're better than everyone else. i'm not gonna be there for you when theres no one else to turn to. you put yourself on a fucking pedestal but be careful, when you fall, its a long way down.

miserable at best

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask that girl to dance,
and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

i'm like some back up friend ):

had math and economics today. in between went to lido with sheryl chang and kui for lunch. we had this really long talk. and i dont know, it was really good cause i realised stuff and i dont know. today something didnt feel right, i dont know what, but something was off. its day 2 of the holidays and already i feel bored! ohh i had this random thought today during econs when making fun of bingxi with kui:

people always choose girl/guy they like over friends. its like relationships can last anything from a week to a year while friendships if given a chance, last forever. a person can more or less spend most of their time with that guy or girl they like and they dont spend time with their friends. and yet, their friends will always be there once the relationship sours. its like friends are there as backup, in case plan A doesnt work out for them. friends are there no matter what, they dont complain when you ditch them for thay guy/girl. you dont complain that you treat them like dirt or you just make use of them. they dont complain when you come running back after the relationship sours. friends are always there for you. its not fair to them, but they're still there everytime you need them. cause thats what friends are for, i guess sometimes we should show our appreciation. (:

so that was my random thought. sometimes we dont treasure our friends enough, so i guess sometimes we should just say a simple "thanks" for everythingt they've ever done for us.
thank you (:

today my friends made me realise that sometimes im a sucker. and that im those "forever gonna be there no matter what" suckers. and whatever the case, im gonna be there, ready to be a sucker and be a pushover.

peter pan said that to fly, you have to think happy thoughts. well, if that were true, you'd make me fly

cause you're my kryptonite

yesterday was literally like hell. the holidays are here and i am not really happy about it. weird as it may sound, i'd rather go to school. but its another 4 weeks before school starts up again. home is definately not where the heart is
house games yesterday. it was literally quite bullshit. BOTH our 4x100 teams got disqualified. bullshit. the judges were bullshit. the weather was bullshit. everything about yesterdays sportsday was bullshit. off to lido after that with chang andrew priss sheryl park joshua and woon. ate and some japanese restaurant and the rest went to watch made of honour. i wanted to watch but unfortunately, parent teacher meeting as usual caused me to become a prisoner in my home.

you've got this new head filled up with smoke
i've got my veins all tangled close
to the jukebox bars you frequent
the safest place to hide
long nights "spent" with your most obvious weaknesses
you start shaking at the thought
you are everything i want
cause you are everything i'm not

i just want to break you down so badly
well i trip over everything you say
i just want to break you down so badly
in the worst way

my inarticulate store bought hangover hobby kit
it talks it says, "you are, you are so cool"
scissor shaped, across the bed
you are red, violent red
you hollow out my hungry eyes

"The Knowledge that we value the most is the knowledge for which we can provide the strongest justificaiton"

i had to do a 1600 word tok essay on that. no joke!
the thing is, even though we find many different reasons to justify something, it doesnt make it right. no matter how right something seems, it still does not mean its right.

it feels like this huge piece of something is missing somehow. like a huge chunk of something that should be there but is absent somehow.

before this gap starts to grow,
i'll tell you that i miss you so.

i have no idea why, but i feel really really weird today. like super duper weird. oh well

tuition finished at about 9 yesterday. after showering, shared a cab with duncan and went to nic's place for a time of gambling and soccer. there were a huge number of people there and people were still coming in at like 2 in the morning. but yeah it was fun although i lost $20 quite fast and thus spent the better part of the night/morning watching and playing psp. then the man u chelsea final started. wow. all ive gotta say is that i feel really really sorry for john terry. man it'd suck to be him. the match finished close to 6am. so 6 of us tried to get a cab outside but unfortunately couldn't. we practicaly walked and walked for an hour before gettign a cab. reached home at about 7 30. fell asleep and i just woke up. my mom just called, to ask me what class i'm in. she's currently at the parent teacher meeting. in about an hour and half, she's gonna call and yell. in about 8 hours time, she's gonna come home scream and shout somemore. urghh i hate parent teacher meeting.

cause we'd talk about everything under the sun

a ticket is a small object which grants someone entry to something or grants that person a right to something. a ticket is usually used once and then never again. the ticket is used to gain entry, and right upon entry, the ticket is usually torn apart, stuffed in a pocket, dropped on the ground, trampled on the ground, discarded and subsequently forgotten.
i feel like a damn ticket. so you're welcome. cause i was your ticket. i was your free ticket cause you damn well never paid any admission. a ticket entitles the holder to something. you didnt do anything to entitle you to anything.

TOK essay is gonna be the death of me. tok is such a waste of time. i want to go on that cruise! URGH

be careful cause it seems i'm not alone in not liking you.

remember the days where we'd talk about everything and nothing

you can't hurry love,
oh you just have to wait.
cause love don't come easy,
it's a game of give and take.

got that stupid song stuck in my head. so the long weekend is over, and with it brings the last week of school. well basically 2 days of lessons, parent teacher meeting (DIE) then sports day on the last day. then its a month of holidays. i predict im gonna get grounded and therefore its gonna be a month of hell. oh well, what to do? is been a pretty useless 2 days with nothing much accomplished. urgh. i want to play hockey!!!!!!!

there's this weird feeling that's not going away. i thought i moved passed it. i guess it caught back up.

one day, one day

sometimes all we want in life is a little joy, a little happiness. we want a bit of praise, a small reward. we want something to let us know that it's all worth it.

i miss the days where we'd talk about nothing

your one way ticket to friendship land

today was alright i guess. a long long day. woke up quite early, didnt do much. met annabelle at 3. omg both of us were late for once and we managed to reach lido at the exact same time! hahaha. ate at pepper lunch. for some reason im growing kind of fond of that place. haha. went to get tickets for a movie then it was off to far east to accompany her shopping. lol. seh bought slippers and other random things. then we got our BUBBLE TEA with MINI PEARLS. ok i dont like mini pearls. its hard to chew! not nice at all! got our taiwanese chicken that it was back to lido to watch What Happens In Vegas. it was actually a really really good movie. very funny and all. after the movie, we walked to taka to get flowers which reminds me that SIA BINGXI OWES ME MONEY!!! so yeah. went to barker to watch la passion de something. i cant rmb the full name. oh well. it was not bad except for certain parts that werent all that great. haha. but yeah. gave out flowers then had TWO DATES with ANANYA! even though she DUMPED me even before our first date!! TSKKK! A FREE DATE IS STILL A DATE!!! :D we hung out in the canteen and had this intense emo conversation until paul west chased all of us off. so we went to waffletown for our SECDOND date cause we're cool like that. so we shared a chocolate ice cream waffle which i paid cause im a gentleman! :D so yeah had more intense emo conversations. it was fun! we should do it more often girlfriend!! (: and cheer up k!! you are STRONG and i know it and you should do it more often!! cheer up girlfriend!! (:
then hung out with junhung and his posse until annabelle was done with her posse then we went home. haha. it was fun today emo girl! send me pictures! and i realised i havent bought you dinner yet!! :D
and junhung! you owe me dinner! (:

i thought i was over it, but i guess maybe not

quote of the day: the ultimate reward in life is death. LOL

i was your ticket.

its been 2 very tiring days.

yesterday was sports heat. was doing timekeeping with char-maine and 6 other people i don't really know. so was in the hot sun starting and stopping a stop watch every race. well to be fair, my lane was empty for quite a number of races. but, i was cheering our house on. TKK for the win!! :D then went for dinner at botak jones with priss, brandon, annabelle and liz. haha really random group but it was funny and entertaining and i LOVE botak jones. then i had to rush home for tuition which lasted till 10 45. i was sooo tired but i promised mich i'd start my tok essay so i did start. 300 words! 1000 to go!

today nothing really happened. classes were sooo boring. watched half naked boys and an almost naked samuel play tennis. LOL. then played soccer, it was like kampong style soccer man. haha. soccer in the sweltering heat is never a good idea especially if you have class right after. it leaves you sweaty and exhausted. oh well. dinner at parkway with priss, annabelle and tim. another random group but it was fun talking, laughing and just wondering around while priss chooses one random destination after another. haha.

i predict another long boring day tomorrow.

so today i learnt how unfair life can be, how people try so hard to achieve something and fail, while others can take shortcuts and happily achieve what others cant. oh well.

everlasting smile

i have this fear that my knee will never go back to the way it was before. its a fear of never being able to go 100% again cause one slight twist and my knee just collapses. its a fear where every step you run, every stride skated has to be taken with 100 times more precaution than usual. a fear that at any given moment on the field or on the ice, your knee could just buckle before you and there's nothing you can do. its a fear of never being the person you once were

that ever smiling maze

term 2 week 9
and just like that almost half a year of school has gone by. its really really scary how time flew by just like that and i have no idea where all that time went, its like, i'm still stuck in 2007 struggling to make it to 2008. everything's just rushing by so quickly and it doesn't look like there's gonna be any respite. there's no time to sit back and think about what you've done or what you've accomplished or else you're gonna be playing catch up with to everyone else. all i want is to just stop time and be able to take a breather and maybe take in everything around me instead of just rushing by with the rest of the world. i just want to be able to enjoy things while i still can, to take things slowly and be able to absorb everything around me. but sadly, i cant find that pause button.

Go spin circles for me
Wound relentlessly
Around the words we used to sling
Oh, such torturous things
Always chewing up the only ones
I ever mean

it seemed like...
not long ago i was coping with my igcse
awhile back i was relieved as i got my igcse results back
quite a bit of time has passed as year 5 just blew right past
just yesterday i had the time of my life in orientation
just yesterday that i had a tight-knit og
just yesterday that i was gonna start panicking EE, ia's, iop and tok
just yesterday that the june hols were gonna be ages away

where has all that time gone?

When the moon found the sun
He looked like he was barely hanging on
But her eyes saved his life
In the middle of summer

it was all worth it

and today marks an end to yet another week. econs and physics test today. wow, double killer. hopefully i manage to pass the economics test. didn't really do much this week. our last soccer match was monday. i fell sick. mothers day is coming up. oh well
happy birthday katerina! (: (in an hour and half's time)

ib is gonna be the death of us all. its slowly but surely torturing us, prodding us with hot iron poles and forcing our heads underwater seeing how long each of us will last until we just keel over and die. its like deadline after deadline. test after test. no time for breathers and breaks. cause with every important piece of crap we finally hand up, we have another piece of crap due soon. done with history ia, EE, world lit 1, english iop. and im barely halfway through. econs ia, physics ia, chinese iop, english ioc, world lit 2, TOK essay still there to bug me and torture me. how long will we last?

i havent written a long post in quite awhile.

just to see that smile

i hate being sick!! ):

i want to find my momo chan

i thought a lot of different things. but i guess i thought wrong

you're starting to really really get on my nerves. honestly, i've lost all my respect for you

say and i shall do

im soo tired and my body's aching like crazy. so first soccer training didn't go as planned. i spent half of it watching the netball team with woon. its quite funny how netball is like a no contact at all sport and they still get injured so easily. haha. so yeah, my knee didn't hold up as well as i thought. really frustrating how my knee ain't healing fast enough. urgh. damn my knee

there's always 2 sides to every story out there. and there are 2 interpretations. sometimes we got to hear the other side too. things have changed so much so fast thats its so weird now. but hey, thats life. full of turns and u-turns and you never know what to expect. i guess i'm waiting to hear the other side.

JUNHUNG! WHY AREN'T YOU ONLINE?!?!? I KNOW YOU'RE REALLY BUSY NOW CAUSE YOU'RE THE VICE PRESIDENT AND ALL!! TSKKK :D :D

your words are golden

Innocence
Sunk the glow and drowned in covers
Send for all your absent lovers things

Sheepish wolves
Looking lived-in, eating buttons
Wink, just don't put your teeth on me

She's the smoke
She's dancin' fancy pirouettes
Swan diving off of the deep end
Of my tragic cigarette
She's steam
Laughing on the windowpanes
The never-ending swaying haze
Oh, that ever smiling maze
Oh, that ever smiling maze

i really hate weekends and public holidays

today i learnt that when you really really want something, it pays to patiently wait for it. cause i guess sometimes, some things are worth the wait

we always want what we can't have. we know we shouldn't want it. and yet we long for it so much

dirty little secret

the words you say

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

My Life

follow me on Twitter

Plurk.com