I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

Size me up you know I beat the best
Tick tock no time to rest
Let them say what they're gonna say
But tonight, I just don’t really care

Come on baby we ain’t gonna live forever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
You know you wanna be together
And I wanna spend the night with you
Yeah, yeah (with you)
Yeah, yeah
Come with me tonight
We could make the night last forever

I <3!!!!!!!

yesterday i said that today was gonna be a bad day. and once again, i was proven wrong, which was a good thing. i guess today was a good fun day. but then again, i shouldnt be having any fun at all. its the 31st of october. Happy Halloween! and in about 4 and a half hours time, its gonna be November 1st which means another 3 days to the start of my ib. wow. oh wells. like kui said. sometimes dont think about the future so much, just try to savour and enjoy the good in the present. thats what im doing, trying to hold on to today for as long as possible

i thought it was all gone. but i guess i was wrong.

today was supposed to a good day. or a not bad day at least. yesterday, i was excited for today, and yet i also said not to get too excited and i felt it might be anti climax. i was right and wrong at the same time. cause anti climax is an understatement. i dont even know how to describe today. loss for words. i jsut felt really lousy today. really annoyed and pissed, dissapointed and depressed. its like i lost my motivation to do anything today, anything at all. i literally just wanted to just sit and stone, listen to my ipod and not do anything else. and honestly, thats how i spent part of my day. i have 5 days to exams, and there i am stoning doing nothing. someone just smack me. sighhh. i should learn not to let things affect me so much. i shouldn't things just ruin my day. i said before "the higher your hopes, the farther you fall". i need to take my own advice. im gonna stop having high hopes for the next day cause it seems everytimne i say or think that the next day is gonna be a good day, im proved horribly wrong. tomorrows gonna be a bad day. hopegfully im proved wrong again.

poetically pathetic

things that we know we definately should not be doing

ANGSTY EMO GIRLS ARE SOOOOO HOT!! you know those with black hair, light skin, enough makeup, dark eyeliner, with tons of spunk, just the right amount of attitude and that angsty emo smile. SOO FRIKKING HOTT!! omgggg ANGSTY EMO GIRLS ARE THE HOTTEST!!!!!!!

I <3 THE VERONICAS!!! and i <3 their tattoos!!!

i want tomorrow to be a good day. like im hoping tomorrow is gonna be a good day. but i have this feeling that its just gonna be really really anti climax.

sometimes we're just so blinded by emotion that we dont know wahts what. we dont know what we're feeling

and If time could stop, how could I make this more poetic?
When there's nothing more pathetic to be said

cause i'm poetically pathetic

hice el ridículo

its 9 05am on a saturday morning and im off to the doctors soon. i really really hate the weekends, and i have for the longest time now. im so tired, i just wanna sleep somemore. i just wanna sleep and sleep and wakeup November 20th. hmmm, i honestly think i have to curb this bad habit of mine. not good. not good at all

Si me engañas una vez, la culpa es tuya; si me engañas dos, la culpa es mía

Sabes como hacerme sonreir

big sighhhhhhhhhhh

mich if youre reading this, i told you i was psychic! ):

theres this thing about me, i dont know if youd call it a bad habit or part of my personality or what. i dont know what to call it. but theres this thing about me where i really hate being kept in suspense and i really really must know the outcome of something if i can. like bad outcome is better than no outcome. that kinda thing. like even the simple thing of reading weekly bleach manga. like many times there are cliffhangers, and like, i cant even wait till friday to read what happened, like i must go read the spoilers on thursday. weird i know.

almost exactly a year ago i wrote this on my blog, "

so anyways. 80% done with my exams!! SWEETNESS! Today was a really good day! marcuseng is happy happy boy today!! cause of many different things!!! (: (: (: math tomorrow and then its finally PARTYYYY!! until results come out at least. then its DOOMSDAY"

note to self, dont write such cryptic posts where i wont be able to remember what i was so happy about a year ago. gosh it honestly just felt like yesterday, end of year exams for year 5s. hmmm. but i honestly cant wait for the oppurtunity to say "YESS!! 80% of my papers are done!" sooon soon. less than a month and ill be soooo free.

the past few days have been real fun. study break. but then again, im in school literally everyday from 7 45am to about 4pm which is like a normal school day. studying in the canteen or the library with BADMINTON breaks, adventures to Al Ameen, SCRATCH AND WIN CARDS, search for LAN and many other things scattered in between. been hanging out with a bunch of people who differ everday, char-maine andrew glen johan jon elvina johnny kui mich joshua woon, the pimp whale and that pizzaboi and i guess many other people too. but its fun. even though exams are coming so fast, ive been enojying these last 2 weeks.

sometimes in life we do really foolish strange things where other people would tell you that thats a really stupid thing to do and advise you not to do it. we then try to justify our actions and give reasons and excuses for what we're doing. it hurts when your friends start shooting holes in your reasoning syaing that you your reasons are flawed and screwed up. it also hurts when yourre having second thoughts about doing this foolish thing in the build up to it. you then make this split second decision and decide to do it, and in that split ssecond, its like everything could just change wiuth that one foolish thing you did. it hurts even more after doing it, left with no outcome, not knowing what to do, left wondering what the heck you were thinking, you start to see why your friends said it was stupid and you shouldnt do it and youre starting to have regrets. it hurts the most when after youve done it, youre left trying to convince yourself that what you did was right and you have no regrets whatsoever and that your reasonings were justifialbe and so youre stranded trying to convince yourself that you did it and no regrets. and oh how its the worse when you start to realise that you cant even convince yourself all these things.

i just had this sudden strange longing to talk to my BB and PAL cause i really miss them so much! omgg ong squared!!! even though we dont talk as much, you know i miss you two soooooo damn much and i really want to talk to you guys!! haha!!! and if you see this, know that im missing you two and you guys are my favourite twins ever! :D

i dont know what i want anymore. it seems like i dont know a lot of things nowadays. its like im stuck at this crossroads, all confused and blank. its like everythings a blur with no defined line, just one big jumbled mess that i cant seem to make out whats what. but i want that chance, one chance to prove people wrong, that one chance which im sure i want. cause im pretty sure id do things right. if i could, all id wanna say to you would be "would you take this chance with me?"

cause i'm a lost cause, trying to find my way through life. and what i need is that one shining light to lead the way. i'm stuck, i'm lost, i'm confused.

can anyone mend that broken heart?

eh HEARTBREAKER DAFFY DUCK!! you are EMO!!!! and VULGAR!!! and MEAN! and VIOLENT!! HAHAHAAHH!!!!! and most importantly, youre a HEARTBREAKER!!! :D :D

I've got my sight set on you,
And I'm ready to aim,
I have a heart that will,
Never be tamed,
I knew you were something special
When you spoke my name,
Now, I can't wait to see you again...

sometimes we're so eager to fall in love with someone. we're so quick to to grasp on to those tiny little false glimmers of hope, thinking that those sweet lovely words they utter might actually mean something when they actually don't. we're then left stranded not knowing what to do. all we foolishly do is keep holding on to those sweet words, the little glimmers of false hope, wishing that one day, something good will happen. i guess the sad part is when we stop dreaming of the near improbable and wake up to reality, realising that in real life, false hopes usually just come up to nothing. ):

Another minute lived
If you take me
I'll take what you will give

I <3 Metro Station!!

so a lot has happened in the past week. study break has started and IB is slowly but surely, ok not really that slowly, creeping up on us. its gonna BOOM smack us right in the face if we're not careful. oh well. ok so i said a lot has happened in the past week but for some reason, i cant really remember anything of great importance? hmmmm. oh i watched eagle eye last week. it was really really good. and i think the actress, michelle monaghan is like quite hot. i think its cause i just watched made of honour also. and she was hot in ermm. i cant remember the name of that movie. but ben stiller acted in it. so moving on from eagle eye and hot actresses. oh yeah. I REALLY WANNA WATCH THE LATEST EPISODE OF ONE TREE HILL ANS HEROES. OR WATCH THE HILLS BUT IVE BEEN LIMITED TO LIKE 45 MINS OF WIRELESS A DAY AND I NEVER SEEM TO BE ABLE TO LOAD FINISH AN EPISODE! TSKKK! ): but anyways moving on. physics math econs history english chinese. 14 papers to rule them all. gosh i cant wait for november 20th. on another note. i got my enlistment date for army. january 28th. same date and place as joshua. thats cool. and on another bright note, my legs finally looks like its gonna heal up 100% real soon. oh i played hockey the other night. agasint the orders/wishes of my doctor parents and brohter. haha. but what the heck. it was the finals and if i didnt play, i wouldve gone mad. it felt really good to be out on the ice again. although my stamina was crap due to the lack of exercise for the past 6 weeks. but gonna slowly improve on that.

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

cause its like, in front of you, i put on my best behaviour. cause i guess, i dont wanna let you down. i only want to let you see my good side. i guess most of all, i never want to see you dissapointed in me.

listen to halo by haley james scott. its nice! and its from one tree hill! haha

im stuck, confused, at a crossroads

i once quoted from the twilight series "there is something irresistible about a lost cause"
but i think i've learnt that although lost causes seem irresistible and enticing at first, over time, it just kinda drags you along and makes you jump in deeper and deeper. and when you finally realise that it is what it is, a lost cause, with no hope or possiblity, then its kinda too late cause youre so deep in and its gonna hurt a lot.

at first it was just fleeting glances. now its endless longing

cause you are the happy thought that gets me through the day

today was another boring mundane monday with nothing much happening although i think this week is the last official week of school. i think its just sad how like schools almost over and we cant actually have a proper goodbye cause like people arent even coming to class or how we're too busy with our exams to realise that within a month and a half, its goodbye ACS International. i've been here for 3 and a half years now and its been a great memorable 3 and a half years that i woudlnt trade for and years in any other school. im gonna miss it so much

went to town with char-maine this afternoon to accompany her to get her cover for her new ipod nano. and on the way there we had this really good talk. its been quite awhile since we've had those really good serious talks where we can say anything we want, knowing that we dont keep secrets and anythnig can be said. i;ve missed those talks. we were talking about good true friends and like what do we define as one and who do we consider as one. i guess i define a true good friend as someone who's always there for you no matter what, no matter the time or situation, whenever youre in trouble or you need to talk to someone, he/she will always be there, just a phone call away, always ready to hear you out, no matter how stupid or insignificant your problem may seem. a good true friend is someone who you can trust with your life, and any other secrets that just come with it. a good/true friend never ever judges you and accepts you for the person you are, flaws and all. you're comfortable jsut being yourself cause no judgement means you dont have to be wary about what you say or do. a good true friend tells you about the mistakes youve made, he/she is upfront and will scold you when youve done sth wrong and give you advice when he/she thinks you need it. a good true friend is honest with you no matter what, and i guess thats the most importnat thing of all. she asked me how many people would i consider my true good friends and i was thikning long and hard about it and i counted. but then i realised, ts not about the numbers. you know how they alwayds say, its not about the quantity, its about the quality. and like, you can have a lot a lot of good friends. but in the end, there are only a few you can call your real true friend. i guess thats what they call bestfriends. i guess it was an epiphany. so im thankful for these true friends of mine. there may be only 4 of them, but they fll up my life all the same (:

lian gave me kui and tim a ride home today. it was good catching up with him. its been awhile. he was telling us about army and all. he was mentioning how he doesnt keep in contact with some of his friends anymore and it just dawned on me. a year from now, who am i gonna still be talking to on a regular basis?

if you love someone, tell them because hearts are often broken by words unspoken

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

and tomorrow brings the end of yet another week. this week felt interupted, maybe its cause there was a public holiday right smack in the middle of the week. and i absolutely do not like public holidays at all. its been a pretty mundane week with nothing really significant happening. or i guess, nothing significant that i actually want to talk about.

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?

i've become really disillusioned with a lot of things now. cause sometimes, you just feel so let down, so damn dissapointed that its hard to pick yourself up and actually act as if everythings ok. cause no matter how much you dont want to admit it, its affected you, not just the way you feel towards a person or how you're feeling in general. but its affected your whole attitude towards a lot of things around you. you just wanna get on with things and not be affected, but easier said than done. cause suddenly you become so disillusioned with things around you and the stuff you go through, you lose faith in the things you once held so dear and you're scared that the same thing is gonna happen to you again and you jsut want to protect yourself from it.
i guess the thing is, i want to get on with things. but many things in life is easier said than done and this is one of them. cause what do you do when something you put so much faith and trust in lets you down? then how do you learn to trust and put faith in something again.
cause i fell before, and i just fell again.
theres this scene in a really old season of one tree hill between brooke and peyton. and peyton had betrayed brooke earlier
PEYTON: dont worry Brooke. i've got your back no matter what
BROOKE: oh great. just don't put another knife in it

i'm addicted to "your call" by secondhand serenade.

i just want to just fly by. i want to feel free and not trapped and imprisoned.

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

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