my body is bruised and aching. my hip is redder than yesterday and i cant flex my big toe on my right foot. like i cant accelerate and run cause i cant move my big toe cause i think i sprained or tore something there. urghh. and i thought ice hockey was bad. inline is worse. haha. oh wells. it was worth it i guess? kinda? but im exhausted now but i really do not feel like sleeping at all. weird i know. but i really really miss hockey. on ice. but friendly in malaysia december 19. so theres something to look forward to

so tomorrow starts the 2nd week of hols and they havent really lived up to my expectations. oh wells. it looks like im gonna rot away at home AGAIN tomorrow. oh wells. whats new. i need things to do!! and no i dont wanna get a job.

to hear your voice

my heart beats for you

i had this inline hockey tournament today which will continue on tmr. i dont hate inline hockey, i just much much prefer ice hockey. i guess im not used to hockey on roller blades, the no hockey stops and the no sharp turns. i kinda forgot i was on cement and i fell at least 5 times while trying to do a sharp turn and i landed on the same spot so my hip is like red and hurting like crazy. oh wells, i guess it wasnt that bad or boring or i thought it would be although i was at tampines courts for 8 plus hours today and i played a total of 76 minutes of hockey which meant about 7 hours of waiting around, bumming around waiting for our matches to start. luckily i had my teammates tehre to accompany me where we ate laughed joked and ogled at pretty girls. hhaha! kidding on the last part. so yes, hockey tournament again tmr, and i predict im gonna be really sore and bruised by the end of the day

its 4:42 am now and i just got home about half an hour ago. jon's party was crazyyyyyy. but like crazy in a good way. started out slow but got better as the night went by. the alcohol the music the food the shots the mixers, everything made it all so good by i think the most important part was the company. cause it wasnt just a night spent with your close friends but it was also a night spent with friends who've you met over the past couple of years, friends you've spent classes with over the past few years, friends who've left but you still keep in contact with, friends you say hi and stop to have a chat with in the school hallways, friends who you sometimes dont really talk much with but yu can have one night of fun with, and most importantly, friends who will always have this special place in your heart whether you see them again or not. life's a rollercoaster ride with twists and turns that will leave you breatheless and stunned, but it was nights like these that are etched away in our memory forever. cause it wasnt just about the fun and laughter of the party, but the simple part of dinner with my close friends at tanglin mall. a simple dinner of macdonalds and food court, but like on many many occasions, it aint about the food or the activity, its about the company. so yes, it was a wild crazy night, a lot of booze and too many drunk people. i can safely say that i did nto get drunk and that i spent most of my time taking care of people and walking people to the main road to get cabs instead of drinking which is not only cheaper but more self fulfiling! :D although it does have its downsides cause NICHOLAS THREW UP ON MY SHOES!! YUCKK! and my muscles and knees hurt from supporting his body weight so much!!! NIC YOU OWE ME! :D but hey, thats what friends are for right, to look after you in your time of need no matter what.

my friends say im a sucker. and sad to say, i dont think i can deny that statement. i am a sucker and im not proud of it or whatever but i dont know, sometimes its as if i cant control it and shit. sighh. i am a sucker. but one day, i'll be strong, and i wont roll over so easily anymore

my name, coming from the lips of an angel

its 3:24am and i cnat seem to get to sleep!!! ahhhh!! i really miss char-maine!!! BROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! i miss you!! we didnt get to hang out and you ditched me for auzzyland!!!! and omg youre ditching me again for KL!!! we better hang out first k!! (:

i'm falling. i think i fell

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white

you fall for his words and his bull crap. and sometimes i wish you'd just fall for mine, cause my words aint bullshit, that i promise you. and sometimes people dont beleive in promises anymore but i guess sometimes you gotta believe in those that haven't let you down yet

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

lets talk about today. or yesterday since its 1 47am. i woke up at aboout 11 after sleeping at 5am and just bummed around before leaving the house at 1. SURPRISINGLY THE TRIPLETS WERE NOT LATE! I WAS SO SHOCKED THAT THEY WERE EARLIER THAN ME!! ITS LIKE A CHRISTMAS DAY MIRACLE!!!! :D so we went to this japanese pasta place and i totally forgot the name of the restaurant. haha first of all, i honeslty dont know whats so japanese about the pasta there. wait, i dont know wahts japanese about all the food there! hAHAHA!! well, i did have chicken teriyaki burger so i guess thats somewhat japanese? the 4 of us, me + triplet 1 + triplet 2 + triplet 3, sat there for like 2 hours just talking about random stuff and just joking and laughing. haha it was fun!! just what i needed after 2 days of complete boredom! so after 2 hours at that jap restaurant place, we started walkign around raffles city shopping centre cause like i wanted my bubble tea and SOME PEOPLE needed to use the toilet after we walked away from the toilet 5 mins ago! TSKKK! HAHA! and all the while i was looking like an idiot carry ing CHEENA's prom dress in this huge bag with the words bridal something printed on it! *_____* so yes. after getting my bubble tea we spent another 5 mins trying to find a stupid garbage bin. i dont get singapore. i mean, its so on about its no littering, clean green environment shit and like there was no garbage bin in like 200m! wtff! so yes. went to tanjong pagar which was a really wulu place where we almost got knocked down by cars where cheena returned a dress, all the while i was getting verbally abused by the 3 of them wchih went on for the whole day, SIGHHHH the things i go through ): haha/ then cause someone toolk my green ez link, i took a train all the way to PAYA LEBAR whcih is 5 STOPS past my stop and 15 MINUTE JOURNEY back! haha!! and the totally stupid thign was I FORGOT TO TAKE MY PSP FROM DESI!1 OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT!! i felt so retarded! ioh wells! the day wasnt about my psp, it was about the company which i thoroughly enjoyed!! (: so yes a good day. i mean, how often do you get to eat lunch with triplets right? or take mrt train rides with 3 people who look almost exactly thew same!! haha!! thank you daffy desi dulcena! thanks for today! (: we should do it again sometimes cause YOU GUYS OWE ME A MEAL AND DAFFY OWES ME BEN AND JERRYS!! tHANK YOUUUUU!!! (:

im supposed to blog about everythings thats happened over the past week since exams finsihed and maybe put pictures up or sth but again, i have no mood to. as weird as this may sound, i wanna rewind the clock to a few months ago. not to the period where were we mugging like crazy but back a few months where it was just school and we were just rushing ia's. yeah i knwo im free as a bird now with no responsibilities and shit but i miss school and the classes and my classmates adn my teachers. i miss everything that goes along with school. its been a week and i already miss school so much, dont know how im gonna feel in like 2 weeks time

There's this scene in episode 9 of 90210:

Adrianna: nice guys arent usually interested in me. i thought you were....
Navid: a sleazebag?
Adrianna: i'm sorry. do you know how many directors have lied and used me. they act like these nice guys and.... you're a nice guy Navid and i guess i got scared
Navid: hey, thats terrible. but sometimes a nice guy who acts like he likes you is just a nice guy who likes you.
Adrianna: but you paid for my rehab
Navid: cause i care about you
Adrianna: yeah i know that now. its just, if we're going to be together...
Navid: wait, you want to be with me?
Adrianna: well, yeah, i kinda liked spendtime time with you.. but you dont have to do this, you can walk away right now
Navid: how about we walk together?
Adrianna: that was pretty sappy
Navid: yeah, its one of the side effects of being a nice guy

that was honestly my favourite scene of the whole series!! maybe nice guys dont finish last all the time huh?

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white

so i think its 100% certain, i am the biggest idiot/fool/sucker on the face of this world. sometimes i amaze myself at how much more foolish i actually get each time. its like i never learn or something. shoot me down now cause i'm falling, and the stupid part is, no ones pushing me over, i'm just jumping off the ledge myself. fuck me

my exams have ended and im free now but i realised i havent blogged a single thing about being free and the relief i feel. i havent talked about prom or graduation or posted any pictures. maybe tomorrow, no real mood now

fleeting glances. you know, i have this gut feeling i'm gonna remember you for a long time. you know, to be 100% honest, i do kinda miss you. i miss the conversations we used to have and the random messages you'd send me. till now, the longest phone conversation that i've ever had in my life and based on the length of it, its most probably gonna be my longest ever, and it was with you. my longest ever phone conversation was with you, funny how things eventually turn out huh? like we dont talk anymore and i guess we dont say hi or even acknowledge each others presence anymore which still makes me sad. i miss you, i admit i do. you know back then, we used to talk a lot, talk about anything under the sun, random things when we were bored and had nothing to do. like we had this one conversation about copyrighting "pfft" and " -.- "once you just talked to me late late at night just to "accompany" me till the soccer match i wanted to watch started at like 2 30am. id tease you for sleeping so early all the time but that night you talked to me till my soccer started really made me appreciate you as a friend even more. you were also the first one to wish me happy birthday. it was those small things you did that made me smile. i honestly dont know wahts the whole point of me writing all this out like this. i doubt you read my blog anymore so i dont think youll read this. heck, i doubt you'd know i was talking about you now anyways. i guess i miss it. i miss the conversations we had. i miss your friendship. i used to "believe" in you no matter what, no matter what people said. i didnt believe the things people said about you, cause from what i saw, it couldnt be true. but alas, all these months have gone by and here we are. over the past month or so, i was so tempted to say hi to you on msn, a simple "hello, how've you been?" but i've never had the guys to. maybe one day i will. maybe one day youll read this and say hello to me. id really like that. im gonna admit taht for a long time, i've blamed you for what happened and yeah, i realise how wrong i was. it takes 2 hands to clap and i know i wasn't the perfect friend either. i know i messed up and i am to blame for our friendship going south. i wish there was a way to fix it and all but i dont know how and i dont know if its too late. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for what i did, sorry for the things ive said and i'm sorry i've never said sorry earlier. this probably wont fix anything asi you probably wont read it but i needed to get it out and i didnt have the guts to talk to you on msn. maybe one day you'd talk to me, that'd probably make my day the same way you'd be able to make my day all those months before. like i said , i dont knw why i wrote all this now but you once said this to me "if it crosses your mind, it has to mean something. if u actually wrote it out, it must have meant it" im sorry. i really am. maybe one days we'd talk about it. maybe one day we'd talk fullstop. you used to tell me that you were always too paranoid and insecure, but i think looking back, i was the paranoid and insecure one. i remember there were times you thought i was upset at you or sth and you'd keep saying you were sorry and you felt bad. what i never told you was that i was the one that felt horrible and crappy cause you were sad

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

sometimes in life we come to this point where we have to make this huge ass decision, each with its pros and cons and no matter which option we choose, we'll forever be wondering what if i had chose the other option instead?
kathi kristi taught me never to regret things and we always have this "motto" kinda thing where we said that we wont regret the decisions we make no matter waht cause whats the point of regretting them after we've done them. ive been telling myself that for a few years now and like i think honestly ive been more or less successful in the sense that i havent really regretted any decisions ive made recently. then today came. and i guess, right now im regretting, and im thikning what if i had chosen the other option? things wouldve worked out a whole lot differently and maybe stuff would be better now and maybe i'd be feeling much happier or at least better. cause right now i just have this huge feeling of regret and frustration boiling in me and its been hours now and i still cant shake this feeling away. sighh ): i guess if you think about it, i cant get over this feeling of regret until something good happens that makes me happy about the decision i made. but from the looks of it, doubt thats gonna happen. sighh. regrets eating me up, and stupidity and foolishness is settling right in

I serve my head up on a plate.
It's only comfort, calling late.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.

about 5 blog posts ago i said i had 2 study days left till the start of ib. 16 days later and its about 2 more paper days and i'm FREEEE!! i can smell freedom already!! its like 2 years of IB. 4 years of secondary school. 6 years of primary school. 12 years of education and its all about to end after 3 more hours worth of exams. crazy huh. i just hope its not gonna be really anticlimatic where i dont feel the sense of relief after thursday and i end up just really bored and rotting away the next few weeks. oh well. worry about after exams after exams. right now its back to demand supply aid inflation deflation and all that boring crap that literally makes me fall asleep.

maybe andrew was right. stupid stupid foolish me

sucker love i always find.
i guess im someone to bruise,
and then i'm left behind

Sucker love is heaven sent.
You pucker up, our passion's spent.
My hearts a tart, your body's rent.
My body's broken, yours is bent.

Carve your name into my arm.
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

003071-029
ive written that set of numbers at least 20 times in the past week! only 2 papers remaining! so ive gone through 9 days, 12 papers 5 subjects and feel exhausted!! soo tired! i just wann sleep all the way till november 20th!! not gonna start typing out how i think i did for each paper. theyre all over and done with and theres no need to revisit the past! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONWONG!! gonna celebrate kuis birthday later. speech night tonight too. i had this long THOUGHT PROVOKING paragraph planned out in my head but its 2 22am and i m tired and ill type it out tmr if i can remember it.

i sense this bit of green rising in my cheeks. this tinge of envy and longing. and i ask myself "why? why should i even feel this way?" i guess the scary part is how i dont have an answer to that. i guess sometimes we feel unexplainable things and emotions? bleah

In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every Me...he

I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

and you and i are meant to be
so even if the world falls down today,
you've still got me to hold you up
and i will never ever let you down.

cause that i promise you

4 papers down, 10 to go! and with one day gone, i;m done with a third of my papers. time is definately gona fly. i hope. dont wanna talk about physics. its over. move on to paper 3 tmr and then bye bye notes. bye bye books.

kui me and andrew are now doraemon doraemi and bamboo respectively! haha! code word! :D

i'm Thinking of the words to say,
I'd like to think that this was fate.
Reference to a song you love,
Spell confusion with a "K"
Like a star without its strings,
hanging here on these two wings.
For that smile and those eyes
I'm falling

You bring me out, show me light,
I'm sorry if I hide, too afraid to look inside.
You carry truth, and make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars, save the brightest one for you,

my first IB paper is in less than 14 hours. am i scared? very. am i feeling really panicky? YES!! do i have this feeling im not that prepared? of course. and despite all of this, am i excited for the start of my exams. heck yeah!! cxause as weird as it may sound, the moment i start tomorrows papers, the next two and a half week would fly by so quickly with no warning at all. so this is it boys and girls. IB final exams. its make or break time

today i realised something. and i thought to myself, "why the f**k should i even give a damn anymore?" cause like, its not as if you even care
lunch with kui today was good. cause kui says the wisest things sometimes.

That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you

I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

2 more study days till start of IB. wow oh wow. yesterday, i had lunch with 2 DEMANDING MEAN BOSSY INSULTING SECRETIVE people and i was bullied non stop from start to finish!! TSKKKKK!! oh and i played soccer at the end of the day. haha. god it felt so good to be out on the field again. but my muscles felt a bit cramped today. haha shit. im really tired and i wanna sleep but im staying up for the liverpool match tonnight.

and i'm the court jester waiting to make my princess smile

i would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

My Life

follow me on Twitter

Plurk.com