about 5 and a half hours till 2009. wow.it seemed like not long ago i was counting the days till 2008. i was busy with orientation training and preparation, getting pumped and excited for what 2008 brought. and now, one year later, i'm not really excited for whatever 2009 brings. cause for once, i'm entering a new year not being a student, with no school to go to and no exams at the end of the year. schools over and army awaits and i dont think im ready to make that transition yet. 2008 wasn't all that great, but maybe it was due to my high expectations before 2008 started. so i'm gonna start 2009 with no expectations and no high hopes, gonna accept things as they come, one day at a time. 2008 wasnt waht i expected and it didnt live up to my expectations but im gonna definately miss it and i;m sad to see it go. but 5 and a hours from now brings a new year, and with that a new start. new start, new beginnings and all that good stuff. so a happy new year to everyone. here's to a new start

with our bullshit lies
and our meaningless alibis
whens the truth gonna come?

Say my name and his in the same breath
I dare you to say they taste the same
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
And let December glow in flames

so today was orientation day 2. and it was better i guess. im just really tired. my new favourite phrase is "whats your issue?" haha. so yeah, today was ice breaker games and designing and spray painting flag banners. and there was soccer and handball so there wasnt a lot of sitting around doing nothing. soccer=fun but im really tired now but i dont seem to be able to sleep before 2. seeing is really believing. so after everything was done, accompanied daffy DUCK all the way to tanah merah so she could collect her bags. yeah tanah merah is like at my house there but i was supposed to go gym so i went all the way from commonwealth to tanah merah then all the way back to one george street. haha but it was good la. we had a long long interesting talk which was good. and i had to carry her bags which were damn heavy and she made me walk to where we ate cuase she didnt wanna pay 10 cents for bus! WTHHHH!! and our dinner was erm embarassing. haha! i swear the prata hated me! unlucky dinner today!! and omg! the DUCK made me pick out all the vegetables and bean sprouts from her mee goreng then she'd eat! i felt like a maid! wthhh! then took mrt and being the super nice guy that i am, i took the long route and even took the purple wulu line to clarke quay so i could accompany her longer! and i even called her to talk to her while she was walking home from the mrt station and that made me even more late for gym. wah i swear im too nice to her! HAHAHAHA :D :D but yeah it was fun. cause shes super embarassing on the mrt i swear. dont know waht she was doing la. her squirrel face! haha squirel duck! its new years eve tmr. last day of 2008. where has the year gone?

the shiver down my spine
and the pain all those times

i think i deserve an oscar

Girl, who taught you how to move like that?
At this pace your at you're going way to fast.
I, I saw you from across the room
It's me versus every guy it's your choice you choose.

its 1 46am tuesday 30th december. the years about to draw to a close and results are out in a weeks time and all i can think of is how much i miss kui. i lost a brohter when he went back and like they say, you never know how much you miss something till its gone. and fuck i miss kui so much. yeah ok this may sound really gay but its losing one of your closest friends. kuis gone. andrews in army. joshua and chang are overseas. johnnys going into army next week. everyones gone. i feel so lost right now. and i kwno its a temporary feeling and its all gonna go away when i wake up but i just cant help but have this feeling of loss and aloneness. urghh.

my head feels like its gonna explode with the over abundance of shit running through it now. i jsut wanna forget it all and just sleep but on the other hand, i wanna sort through everything and think it through.

i stare into oblivion trying my hardest to reclaim all that i have lost

i wish it wasnt 2 am now so i could go rollerblading

with a thousand ready lies
i'm full of clever alibis

the song "you're gonna go far kid" by offspring is stuck in my head. so went to school to help out for orientation training although today wasnt really productive. i dont seem to be able to find a word to describe today. oh wells. dont really need to talk about it. i guess it was cool i gotta see people i havent seen in a bit but i dont know. just kinda felt a bit weird. but then again, i have nothing better to do so yeah. i think im falling sick somehow? or i dont know. i just dont feel too good. i dont konw if im fallnig sick or if its something else. im really really tired now and it feels like my heads gonna explode. urghh. i hate mondays.

you dont see it do you? i still want my willy wonka sunglasses!!!!

i think sometimes, i think too much and i over analyse things. but then again, dont we all. and i guess we should learn that things happen and sometimnes theres no hidden meaning behind things and shit. but today opened my eyes. and i dont know. sometimes knowing something and hearing something is totally different. they say seeing is believing and i guess thats true. so maybe then i can learn to just accept things for the way they are and stop thinking too much. today was a _____ day. i dont know which word would fit best. im glad the day has happened but im also glad the day has past. maybe im gonna learn something over the next week or so. maybe im gonna learn

i'm gonna be fine. i'm gonna smile. i think you should too

i still want my willy wonka sunglasses!!!!

one day im gonna be fine with all of it. one day. but not now

Show me how to lie
You’re getting better all the time
And turning all against the one
Is an art that’s hard to teach
Another clever word
Sets off an unsuspecting herd

Now dance, fucker, dance
Man, he never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

today was a really big waste of a sunday. like holy shit it was boringg! i did absoliutely nothing at all. oh wells. orientation training tmr but im not decided whether im gonna go or not. oh wells. to go or not to go. that is the question.

the past few days have made me realised how much i miss my friends. those that are overseas and i havent seen in a long time. or those that i havent seen since grad night or prom. those friends that i may not have been so close to. but who i still miss anyways

I candy coat and cover everything that I'm still hiding underneath.
It's been a long time.

Why do I put myself in these situations
I keep pushing myself even though I can't take it at all

Girl, who taught you how to move like that?
At this pace your at you're going way to fast.
I, I saw you from across the room
It's me versus every guy it's your choice you choose.

christmas week has flown by really quickly. its already saturday night, 2 more hours till the 28th of december. so yeah, i guess ive been doing quite a bit the past few days. thank god. i dont think i couldve survive staying at home and rotting away. shit i cant really remember what has happened during the few days before christmas. but was it monday or tuesday that i met up with daffy at tanah merah cuase she needed to collect stuff at simpang bedok so had "tea" with her before she came to raid my house for a bit and then she stole moeny from me to take a cab back. we had a good talk cause i dont thikn we've ever had such a serious conversation before. so yeah that was either monday or tuesday and i cant rmb waht happened the other day. then wednesdays christmas eve. very very frustrating day. lets just say i spent a total of 4 hours waiting for people. sigh. lunch with sheryl then waited for johnny and joshua. lanned with those 2 and mich glen. then joshua and johnny went off and i lanneds with glen and saysern stephen. then when those 2 came back we made our way to andrews house for his christmas party. andrew was asleep for three quarters of the time so we made friends with his briothers friends while playing poker and guitar hero. went home at 7 30 am. yes. which meant no sleep befroe church. met char-maine and rosa for a bit in town before heading home for christmas dinner. THANK YOU BRO FOR THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT! I LOVE IT!! (: (: then cousisn slept over for movie marathon which lasted christmas night till this afternoon. not as productive as last time cuase we oonly watched like 5 movies, which is a deprovement from our usual 8-9 movies. haha. went for jap buffet this afternoon with them before going aroudn town shopping. I WANT MY WILLY WONKA SUNGLASSES!! i saw these green willy wonka type sunglasses but i didnt buy cause i thought i could find nicer ones elsewhere and now im really regretting not buying them! SIGHHHH!! so yeah. thats my week in a nutshell. of course there are otehr things scattered in here and there but who cares about them right

You're worth losing my self esteem
Your clever words mean nothing more to me than a lot I've heard in a movie

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch

its christmas eve now, less than 24 hours till christmas. but i dont really care.
i hate christmas. i fucking hate christmas. bad things always seem to happen to me at christmas and yeah i may seem petty or whiny for hating christmas cause of that but whatever. its like how people dont eat at a certain restaurant after eating bad food or getting food poisoning from there. or how people dont buy things from a certain store after purchasing bad merchandise before. its the same concept. i frikking hate christmas. its like this time of happiness and hope and blah blah blah. nah. dont really like christmas. yeah i sound like a grinch but im not stealing anyones christmas and i promise i wont ruin anyones christmas so yeah, im not a grinch. i just dont enjoy christmases cause it seems christmas is always bad for me. this year isnt any different and its not even christmas yet.

where did i go wrong
i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness

im sorry. and sorry aint enough i know but its a start and i dont know. i want to repair the friendship but i dont know how to go about doing it. so im sorry. and my words probably dont mean a lot to you now but i just want you to know that ill do anything i can to fix this. im sorry, i really am

i love fall out boys new album. i love the lyrics to their songs


right now if you talk to me, i'd smile and it'd seem like everythings normal and everythings ok. but im gonna admit that things arent ok. its not fine. i'll smile but deep down i'm having this anger and disapointment towards you. and we'll laugh and we'll joke and you'll probably never know thats somethings up and maybe i should tell you. but im not going to. cause you should know somethings wrong. and you know the thing is, me not telling you somethings wrong, ironic aint it. its like a taste of your own medicine. you know wahts the thing that pisses me off the most? its not that you didnt tell me earlier or didnt even plan on telling me at all until i asked you. i mean ok i admit, that pissed me off a lot. but what pissed me off even more was that not once did you actually apologise to me. you just acted as if nothing was wrong and just continued like everything was just right and dandy. you couldn't say a simple sorry. was it that hard? or do you believe that you didnt do anything wrong? i dont know. whatever. so yeah. we're gonna see each other and we're gonna smile say hi and ask each other how our holidays have been. from a far it looks like everyhings A okay. but nope, what you cant see are the wounds on my back fresh from where you stabbed me

I'm coming apart at the seams
Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams now
Doc, there's a hole where something was

Fell out of bed,
Butterfly bandage, but don't worry
You'll never remember, your head is far too blurry.

So boycott love
Detox just to retox
And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life
And perfect boys with their perfect lives
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine
What a match, I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet

we all wear a mask on our faces to hide the pain we feel. a false facade to mask whats really underneath.
i wear a fake smile on my face to show you that im fine, to hide from you the pain and the sadness i feel. this false facade is to fool you into thinking im alright. but now its like, i dont know who im trying to fool into thinking im ok, you? or am i trying to convince myself im fine?

its like trying to find santa clause, its just trying to do the impossible. so why cant i give it up instead of trying so hard?

so i've been in malaysia for the last 3 days for hockey matches against the malaysian team and the past 3 days across whatever body of water is in between singapore and malaysia has made me think and realise a lot of things. it was really boring there with long travelling times between places so tehres nothing to do but think and wonder and realise things. so yes, epiphanies. i realised how much i miss playing hockey on ice. well thats qutie obvious. and i guess other stuff too but i dont think theres a need to broadcast to everyone. its 4 more days till christmas. am i feeling the holida spirit and getting all excited? nope not really. oh wells

sometimes we start fighting battles that we know we're probably gonna lose even before the battle has started. its like fighting an uphill battle where you have this feeling you're just gonna get crushed and you just ask yourself why the heck are you even fighting in the first place? i guess the answer is that you're fighting for something that means something to you or something that could mean a lot to you. and maybe you have a slim to nothing chance of getting it and you;'ll just hurt or sad in the process, but there's this tiny, miniscule possibility that you might actually get it cause nothing is impossible right? and you fight. you fight hard for this small glimmer of hope that might not even be there in the first place but you fight for it anyhow cause thats how much it means to you or how important it might be. cause in life, nothing comes easy, and you gotta fight for what you want, even if it just ends up with someone else who doesn't have to fight that hard
cause i'm fighting. i don't even know why and i know i shouldn't. but i'm fighting and i'm trying. and i just wish you could see it

so a bunch of things have happened over the past week. kui left for thailand and andrews in army but i dont really wanna talk about that cause its just gonna make me depressed all over again. i'm addicted to left 4 dead now. its a freakishly addictive game and i'm in love with it. and i'm addicted to dota too which is bad. but its off to malaysia tomorrow for 2 friendly matches so no dota till sunday. really short trip but im not really into long trips anyways.

lanned yeterday with mich joshua johnny and then 4 of us joined bingxi and sheryl to watch sex drive which is seriously hilarious. delifrance dinner and then we went clarke quay at night. if only we had $190. had lunched today with 3 CLONES at botak jones opposite cine whcih was a big mistake caus i think there's a beehive near there cause bees were swarming us and freakingdaffy out. she was like screaming at people were staring at her weirdly HAHHA. then went to cine cause deh-seee-riii wanted to eat some jap noodles thingy. then accompanied them on the mrt all the way to senkang which is god knows where on the purple line. i was like sooo nice to them and they kept insulting me! wth man!! i was like how nice to them throughout the whole day and they kept insulting me! TSKKKK! mean mean people. they're just jealous that out of the 4 of us, i have the most unique face. HAHA

):

I want to watch Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist!!! someone watch it with me please?!??!?

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

last night, or this morning rather, was crazy. i think thats the word, crazy. haha. it was hella fun. so sent park off last night as shes going back home to korea. everyones leaving already. sighh. so yeah, was at the airport till about 11. reached home by 11 30 and we just bummed around watching movies and playing ps3. we being me chang sheryl priss andrew joshua kui johnny bingxi. my moms eyes were wide with shock when she saw there were 9 of us. haha. so johnny and bingxi had to leave at about 3. and then we started playing drinking games with the absolut rasberry sheryl so generously provided us with. haha. it was really fun and super funny. and 7 of us somehow managed to all fall asleep and shit. it was just really fun. not really the drinks or whatever, just the company and the hanging out and bumming around. today wasnt really productive. the girls left by 3 30 and i had to wash cups and clean up rooms and make my bed and all that good stuff. and then i promptly fell into a deep slumber till 6 30 from 5 and here i am now waiting for dinner. i'm bored

because i'm a huge-ass sucker
because i'm a huge-ass sucker for you
so shoot me now for being so stupid

its 3:53am now and i stayed up so late to watch the soccer match but i just found out the liverpool match aint televised. what the hell. but i guess thats been my day so far. started out so brightly and all but it has all faded away. urghh. oh wells. thats life right. wild child was a really brainless movie. ive watched a lot of not so good brainless movie recently. only 4 christmases being the only good movie ive watched. its been a pretty weird messy last 2 weeks i think. its like things that i didnt think would ever happen happened and i've heard things i never thought i'd hear.

cause i'm a huge ass sucker and i guess i'm pretty stupid and foolish when it comes to this. marcus eng is speechless for once. and i wouldnt say im emotionless cause its not that im not feeling anything now but its that i dont know what im feeling now. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. im still lost and clueless

this was a scene from one of the earlier seasons of one tree hill between brooke and peyton who are really good friends. best friends actually

Peyton: hey, i got your back.

Brooke: really? just don't put another knife in it





i have this strong anger/hatred towards swimming pools and metaphors now.

i'm at a loss for words.

sometimes you want to hear something really badly, but the moment you hear it, its like, why the hell did you want to hear it so badly in the first place. yeah i've been proven right. but dont think i wnated to be proven right in the first place. someone just shoot me now

more than a month has passed since the first day of IB examinations. boy time has really flew by and i guess im really enjoying every moment of my freedom now

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why?
All the possibilities...
Well I was wrong

its either going out to town to catch movies or east coast dinners or parties at peoples houses or just hanging out with your friends and reminiscing of the past or just rotting away at home bored to tears, but enjoying the fact you dont have any text books to read or notes to go through. oh! and i got my FIFA 09 for ps3 SO IM REALLY REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT!

That's what you get when you let your heart win.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win.

andrews going into army this friday but ill see him every weekend after 2 weeks so it aint so bad. but kuis leaving this saturday and theres this possibility i wont see him again. sighhh im gonna miss him so much. who would've thought me and him wouldve become so close. he's like a brother to me now. we have so much similarities and all and i can tell him anything i want without him judging me and shit. sighh im gonna miss kui so much.

so i said i was gonna post pictures on graduation and prom and i guess these are really long overdue but oh well better late than never. graduations easier cause i only have like 4 photos of grad night. but yes. Friday 21st November was Graduation night for the graduating IB class for ACS international 2008. and i guess that night is probably one of the last few times im ever gonna step through the doors of the hall or wear that uniform or listen to boring ol speeches in the hall. it was really bittersweet i guess., i mean, its graduation. like finally. after so long, its all over. but at the same time, i dont really wnat it to be over. i miss school already. i miss the friends who i haven't seen in a few weeks. i miss the teachers of ACS international and i just miss the environment and the everyday routine of boring school life. sighh. sometimes we jsut get so used to the norm, the mundane routine of everyday life that we're afraid of what change brings, we're afraid of venturing into the unknown. i guess i admit, i am scared of whats to come.



and i guess as we move on and we leave the past behind us and all of us embark on this new part of our lives, all we have are the photographs that remind us of the joy, happiness, the friendship, the laughter and the lives that we once had. these memories etched in print or computer memory remind us of the great moments we had and we will always remember.. ill do prom later or tomorrow or sth.

me confused
me lost
me hurt
me sad

you'd think that you'd be numb to the pain by now and be used to how it feels and all. but nope, it still hurts like crazy

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

today was fun. i enjoyed myself. it was probably the best day of the hols so far. woke up then went to town to meet char-maine and johan at wheelock for lunch. then johan had to fly off to penang and me and char-maine walked around lido and had gelato which was good. it was really good catching up with the both of them cause i havent seen them since prom, even though me and johan have never had a serious conversation before! haha! but it was really good to see and hang out with my bestfriend again! its been ages since we;ve hung out in town!! shes travelling the world! ditching me for KL this time!! TSKKKKKKK!! its kinda sad, andrew is going to army next week, and kui is flying back to thailand next week as well. sighhh.

after charmaine went home, went to the cage at kallang with kui to play soccer. 2 and a half hours of cage soccer, cant get any better than that man. it was sooo fun, just what i needed as ive been craving soccer for the past dont know how many weeks. although i did get cramp in my calf but whatever, it was worth it and i'd do it again anytime. then after that it was off to bingxis house for his birthday party. due to unforseen circumstances and traffic congestion, we arrived really late. haha. had a really good dinner and threw bingxi in a pool. wii and xbox just made the night that much better. it was fun and we honestly need to crash bingxis house again. i mean like, his house is a frikking mansion and its like there should be those kind of maps with those "you are here" dots. that big. and his guest room is like twice the size of my room. wow. but yes. its 3:19am now and i just reached home about half an hour ago. chatting with junhung now. im falling sick. damn it.

i must be the stupidest or most foolish boy on the face of this little blue and green planet. sigh. today i've learnt a bunch of new insightful things i never thought i'd hear. i guess sometimes it pays to ask questions. guess its a case of whether you want to hear the answer or not. cause i'm lost and not really confused but more of just lost and i dont know what word to use to describe how i feel. this weird feeling, indescribable with words. basically, i just feel like a big fool. some big idiot.
i dont know what to believe anymore neither do i know what i should be feeling. its just this overwhelming wave of emotion engulfing me. i just wanna forget everything, but life aint that easy. cause i dont knwo whats truth and whats lie anymore. i'm angry i'm frustrated i'm sad i'm disappointed. but there's nothing i can do. i dont even know waht im typing now. i dont think im making sense. sighhhhhhhhh. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

this was about a little over 2 years ago, 24th November, 2006

this is almost 2 weeks over, 22nd November, 2008

this picture was taken about 2 years and 2 days apart, ACS international prom 2 years apart. boy look how we've grown up. boy look how time has flown by

Marcus Eng

10 March 1990
19
ACS International
Ice Hockey

My Life

follow me on Twitter

Plurk.com