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Thursday, April 30, 2009 @ 12:44 PM

a fool’s crown worn
turning frowns upside down
but crying inside


and no one could see that bitter smile behind the painted grin he wore

lost and insecure,
where were you?

And when the court was sad
And no one had a thing to say
The king would call his jester
And order him to play
And no one could ever guess
That he too had to struggle
For he was a symbol of happiness
As he'd laugh and dance and juggle
But he also cried at night
And was a slave of happiness
And he'd smile as others pleased
He had a hat that was made out of colors
And a smile made out of gold
And he'd mock all the workers and lovers
And yet he would never call himself bold
No no, he'd never call himself bold
He was only another person
And yet he lacked a face
But he did not say he was worsened
No, the stage was his place
And when he finally grew frail
His bones to weak to juggle
His voice too soft to tell any tale
His breathes coming at a struggle

The king wanted him to dance once more
He only wanted some fun
But after his show, the jester fell to the floor
And then his life was done
With a laugh

Sunday, April 26, 2009 @ 8:14 PM

Picture you're the queen of everything
as far as the eye can see
under your command
I will be your guardian
when all is crumbling
steady your hand
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

there's no reason for me to feel this way. no reason whatsoever. and yet i do. they say some things have no reason to it but i dont believe thats the case. there must be a reason. and ill find it.

im at this really weird place now and i need someone. someone to help me out

All we know is distance
We're close and then we run
Kiss away the difference
I know you hate this one

But this is how the story ends
Or have we just begun

cause it was as if the whole world stood still and the only thing that could be heard was your voice and the only thing that mattered was what you said.





and i dont want to be the goody bag at your pity party

Friday, April 24, 2009 @ 10:03 PM

have you been so mesmerized by someone? so captivated? you just get sucked in by this person. like she's got this hold on you that wont let go. you dont know what it is, but you're just so so. i dont know whats a good word to use. its like the things she do leave you spellbound, makes your brain numb, leaving you unable to think as you try to mumble something intelligent in front of her. have you ever been spellbound by someone whether you've known this person for long or not? you just hang on to everything this person says to you or messages you or whatever. so captivated and hypnotised by this person and the things she does or the things she says. you just get sucked in so badly without any warning. have you ever been so enthralled?

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?

sometimes it comes to a point where you have to wonder to yourself why do you even try so hard whne other people dont even bother dont even care. wahts the point of trying so hard to make things happen when the other person cant even be bothered. so whats the point of keeping on trying, making the effort and all.. i say no point

Monday, April 20, 2009 @ 10:26 PM

21st April 2007

exactly 2 years ago, i just finished the very first council camp with what i thought could be the best council ever. exactly a year ago, we just finished our last council gathering at stephs house with good food and great fun with wii. and that was what council was about, having tons of fun with great people and procastinating on stuff we needed to do and yet always pulling through last minute. i miss 16 high. the laughs and the fun, the council meetings and the events. our constant shouting of AOB and constnat bullying of bingxi. how we took turns being the most annoying and i even miss the hectic times of rushing to set up for the dances or movie marathons. i miss everyone in 16 high, or almost everyone. but it was fun and i was proved right. we were the greatest council ever and i miss you guys so much. it was one of the best experiences of my life, being part of something great, something of meaning. we're sixteen high and we always will be.

i miss being part of somethign that meant something. i miss being part of something i could relate to. i miss being part of something where i knew i belonged.

im sooo tired. im mentally exhausted and its been less than a month. 2o more to go. urgh. i think im gonna have to work through the WHOLE weekend. DIE! sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Sunday, April 19, 2009 @ 8:04 PM

who makes the court jester, cheers him up when he's the one thats down? the princess. the princess can make the court jester smile no matter what. the princess knows what to say to cheer her court jester up. and thats why the court jester would do anything for his princess. the court jesters always at the service of his princess (:

and you wear a dozen expressions and you say a dozen things but now, i dont know what you're feeling or what you're going through. its as if you closed this door on me and i can't get back in. and all i can do is ask myself what went wrong

i dont like sundays cause sundays just make me start counting down to when i have to book back in at night. yuck. i love fridays cause i spend the whole of friday counting down to when i book out. so in a few hours time, im gonna be back in camp counting down to friday. its my new routine. terribly pathetic. this weekend passed by really quickly. but then again, all weekends pass by way too fast. i got accepted to RMIT but i dont really wanna go there. i still really really really wanna go to uni in singapore. either SMU or NUS but i guess its a far fetched dream. i think i wanna report stress and depression soon. i cant wait for january 27th 2011! its gonna be the happiest day of my life!

we wear masks of fascades on our faces. we tell numerous white lies. we try to make people believe that we're someone we're not

i used to be able to knwo how youre feeling from the tone of your voice. i used to be able to have non stop conversations and share countless jokes. but its as if something changed all that. sometimes its as if we're just acquaintences. its like something snapped and im still wondering if it was our friendship

i'm sick of being the court jester who no one appreciates and chucks aside when they dont need him anymore. sick of being the court jester who no one remembers when they're all happy and they have all the things they want. sick of being the court jester who people treat as a backup, as second choice. but in the end, i'm stuck being the court jester, second grade and easily forgotten and ignored. who cheers the court jester when he's sad? no one

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came

i;m waiting for somethign to arrive and i;m really excited to recieve it and all but its depressing that theres no mail tomorrow cause its sunday so ill only get to see the package next friday when i book out. ): i cant wait for that snail mail!! Its 2:16am now and i just got home bout half an hour ago. shisha. another first time thing. maybe aprils a month for trying and experiencing new things. it was alright. good hanging out with andrew joshua and johnny and then annabelle and her friends after. i really do miss school a lot even though png's more or less screwing up the school. i'm gonna be back in army in less than 2o hours. i hate how the weekends pass by way too fast. met charmaine and rosa in the morning fro about 45 mins. i really miss seeing and talking to my bestfriend everyday.

Say when
And my own two hands will comfort you
Tonight, tonight
Say when
And my own two arms will carry you
Tonight, tonight

i'm listening to the frays new album and the songs are like super sad and all. depressing. sometimes we all feel underappreciated. i guess its pretty normal. to get used and then chucked aside. or only called when needed and ignored when not. sometimes we feel alone and its like we need someone to listen or someone to talk to and we look around and its like we cant find anyone. i guess its sad when we reach that point cause we ask ourself, what went wrong, how did things end up this way? we just ask ourselves "what did i do wrong?" we need someone to turn to but its as if theres no one.

Picture you're the queen of everything
as far as the eye can see
under your command
I will be your guardian
when all is crumbling
steady your hand

i'll scale every wall and jump every hurdle to always be there for you

Saturday, April 18, 2009 @ 1:34 AM

Will you remember me
You ask me as I leave
Remember what I said
Oh how could I, oh how could I forget

You are young and I am scared
You're wise beyond your years, but I don't care
And I can feel your heartbeat
You know exactly where to take me

Sunday, April 12, 2009 @ 7:01 PM

the long weekend has passed by wayyyyyyyyy too quickly! i remember how i used to write that i really hate public holidays but right now its like im just counting down to the next public holiday! sad i know cause the next ones like labour day which is in a months time! i think they should make mothers day fathers day all public holidays. easter should be a week holiday.

so i went clubbing on friday. yes clubbing. weird as it may sound coming from me. and i dont know what to really make of it. i mean i guess the good parts how youre hanging out with friends and all and you see friends you havent seen for a really long time. so yeahhhhhhhh. i dont think im the clubbing sort. i think it was kind of a once in a lifetime just try to see waht its like thing. haha.
but other than that i stayed home the whole of saturday and sunday. didnt do anything else. just rotted away at home. scratch that.i enjoyed my free time at home and really treasured it. hah. ireally treasure every minute i have at home nowadays. oh and i kinda redecorated my room today. like tore down all my old picutres and hung up new photographs in photo frames up. it looks neater and cooer down but im still not done. a work in progress

mi todo
tu es mi todo

mi especial rayo de luz

Friday, April 10, 2009 @ 8:19 PM

its funny how we're always so afraid of change and we try our best to avoid it and yet sometimes we're the one thats changing and the weird thing is that we dont even realise we've changed.

so help me out here cause i dont know what im supposed to do

im trying my best to make everyone happy but i think im failing and i dont know what to do anymore

Sunday, April 05, 2009 @ 6:44 PM

i'm about to leave home to go camp in about 45 minutes and the only thought in my mind is that i cant wait to book out and go home hopefully thursday night cause its good friday! sounds pathetic i know but honestly the only thought that gets me through the week is the thought of going back my home sweet home and spending 2 days there. sighhh. i was bored this afternoon so i went to read a lot of my old blog posts and gosh it seems so fast how almost exactly a year ago i tore my knee ligaments and about 2 years ago the twins left for australia. gosh it doesnt feel like its been 2 years. so hopefully soon im gonna be lookign back at this and saying "gosh 2 years have passed so fast" pfft. i wish. i really wish i could just fast forward everything now.

my sunshine in the stormy clouds

Thursday, April 02, 2009 @ 11:47 PM

" I think its good to hold on to memories of better times, because they show you that once (not too long ago) happiness wasnt as fleeting as we all believe it to be"

i cant remember who said that of if i thought of it myself or something but its a good quote nonetheless

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Marcus Eng


10 March 1990
19
ACS International
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