Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
so i think its 100% certain, i am the biggest idiot/fool/sucker on the face of this world. sometimes i amaze myself at how much more foolish i actually get each time. its like i never learn or something. shoot me down now cause i'm falling, and the stupid part is, no ones pushing me over, i'm just jumping off the ledge myself. fuck me
my exams have ended and im free now but i realised i havent blogged a single thing about being free and the relief i feel. i havent talked about prom or graduation or posted any pictures. maybe tomorrow, no real mood now
fleeting glances. you know, i have this gut feeling i'm gonna remember you for a long time. you know, to be 100% honest, i do kinda miss you. i miss the conversations we used to have and the random messages you'd send me. till now, the longest phone conversation that i've ever had in my life and based on the length of it, its most probably gonna be my longest ever, and it was with you. my longest ever phone conversation was with you, funny how things eventually turn out huh? like we dont talk anymore and i guess we dont say hi or even acknowledge each others presence anymore which still makes me sad. i miss you, i admit i do. you know back then, we used to talk a lot, talk about anything under the sun, random things when we were bored and had nothing to do. like we had this one conversation about copyrighting "pfft" and " -.- "once you just talked to me late late at night just to "accompany" me till the soccer match i wanted to watch started at like 2 30am. id tease you for sleeping so early all the time but that night you talked to me till my soccer started really made me appreciate you as a friend even more. you were also the first one to wish me happy birthday. it was those small things you did that made me smile. i honestly dont know wahts the whole point of me writing all this out like this. i doubt you read my blog anymore so i dont think youll read this. heck, i doubt you'd know i was talking about you now anyways. i guess i miss it. i miss the conversations we had. i miss your friendship. i used to "believe" in you no matter what, no matter what people said. i didnt believe the things people said about you, cause from what i saw, it couldnt be true. but alas, all these months have gone by and here we are. over the past month or so, i was so tempted to say hi to you on msn, a simple "hello, how've you been?" but i've never had the guys to. maybe one day i will. maybe one day youll read this and say hello to me. id really like that. im gonna admit taht for a long time, i've blamed you for what happened and yeah, i realise how wrong i was. it takes 2 hands to clap and i know i wasn't the perfect friend either. i know i messed up and i am to blame for our friendship going south. i wish there was a way to fix it and all but i dont know how and i dont know if its too late. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for what i did, sorry for the things ive said and i'm sorry i've never said sorry earlier. this probably wont fix anything asi you probably wont read it but i needed to get it out and i didnt have the guts to talk to you on msn. maybe one day you'd talk to me, that'd probably make my day the same way you'd be able to make my day all those months before. like i said , i dont knw why i wrote all this now but you once said this to me "if it crosses your mind, it has to mean something. if u actually wrote it out, it must have meant it" im sorry. i really am. maybe one days we'd talk about it. maybe one day we'd talk fullstop. you used to tell me that you were always too paranoid and insecure, but i think looking back, i was the paranoid and insecure one. i remember there were times you thought i was upset at you or sth and you'd keep saying you were sorry and you felt bad. what i never told you was that i was the one that felt horrible and crappy cause you were sad
